Archive for salt

John Harvey’s TOP SIX MOVIES OF 2010!

Posted in 2011, Best Of Lists, John Harvey Reviews with tags , , , , , , on January 12, 2011 by knifefighter

(Editor’s Note: Here are our last “Best of 2010″ lists, from contributors John Harvey and Jason Harris.)

THE TOP … errr … 6 MOVIES OF 2010
by John Harvey

Yeah, I know. Six movies is sort of a strange number to use in a “Year in Review” article. Ultimately, there’s six movies that I want to pimp. I didn’t feel like dumping one down the well for the sake of a round number.

1. INCEPTION

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inception_(film)

This was a fabulously directed and written movie. Also, it proved that American audiences will shell out cash to see a complex film containing characters that have some depth. And they shelled out the money to see it multiple times, because it stayed in the top 10 grossing movies for a helluva long time. Calling Christopher Nolan: More like this, please.

2. KICK-ASS

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kick-Ass_(film)

Based on the comic book of the same name by Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr., KICK-ASS was tremendous mix of action-packed fun, general hilarity and shocking violence. This film also introduced many moviegoers to Chloë Grace Moretz as Hit-Girl, who was fantastic as a foul-mouthed, 12-year-old crime fighter. Her performance made me much more willing to see the honorable-mention-worthy LET ME IN, in which she also starred. KICK-ASS also did a lot to help me forgive Nicolas Cage for his many unforgivably bad movies (but then this past weekend I saw a preview for SEASON OF THE WITCH, and now I’m back to hoping that he falls down steep flight of stairs … go figure).

3. TRUE GRIT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_Grit_(2010_film)

Written and directed by the Coen brothers, TRUE GRIT introduced us to another terrific young actress, Hailee Steinfeld, who took the starring role next to Jeff Bridges in this American Western adaptation of the Charles Portis novel of the same name. As usual, Jeff Bridges put in a great performance as Rooster Cogburn, but you should really see this film to catch Steinfeld’s portrayal of Mattie Ross. She’s really an amazing young talent. The film itself is a true  Western minus the spaghetti. Listening to the rhythm of the dialogue is worth the price of admission. It’s reminds me a bit of the dialogue style used in the Coen Brothers’ OH BROTHER WHERE ART THOU (2000).

4. THE TOWN

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Town_(2010_film)

Ben Affleck is an actor who has made several career choices that filled me with ‘meh.’ That said, THE TOWN went a long way toward changing my opinion. Not only did he star in this movie, but he also directed it and shared a partial writing credit. This gritty crime thriller isn’t terribly complex, but it’s filled with interesting, textured characters and great actors in all the main roles. Jeremy Renner steals almost every scene he’s in. In addition to a lot of compelling tension between the characters, THE TOWN features some mighty fine action scenes. I haven’t forgiven Affleck for SUM OF ALL FEARS (2002) yet, but I’m getting there.

5. SPLICE

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splice_(film)

The previews made this movie look like a horror monster thriller. Bollocks. Starring Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley and Delphine Chanéac, SPLICE was much closer to straight sci-fi, but no one wanted to call it that because everyone knows that sci-fi has huge space ships and aliens who look a lot like humans with misshapen foreheads.  SPLICE used gene science to frame a thoughtfully-paced film dealing with subjects ranging from parenthood and relationships to the potential dangers of genetic manipulation. It’s a very human, emotional story featuring (on average) very good acting.

6. TERRIBLY HAPPY

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terribly_Happy

Speaking of the Coen brothers, if you liked BLOOD SIMPLE (1985) or NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (2007), then you’ll also probably like TERRIBLY HAPPY. This intense, intelligent little Danish thriller deals with a police officer’s troubled integration into a small town where he’s supposed to be escaping the stresses of big city police work. Predictably, that train comes off the tracks quickly. This isn’t a fast-paced, shoot ‘em up thriller filled with tent-pole scenes. Rather, it focuses on the complex and vicious social politics of small town life versus the big city.

WORST MOVIE OF 2010

SALT

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salt_(2010_film)

This movie gave me the kind of aimless, sprinting rage last seen in the 2002 Danny Boyle zombie film, 28 DAYS LATER. SALT provided movie goers with a paint-by-numbers plot, crap acting, shrug-worthy action sequences, and, frankly, Angelina Jolie’s mouth scares the s#!t out of me.

Movies That PROBABLY Would Have Made My TOP 10 Had I Been Smart Enough to See Them

Before you yell at me for not including certain wide-release movies in my list. Here’s my missed opportunities. I’ll see them all eventually, but I didn’t see them in 2010. Shame on me.

  • Black Swan
  • How To Train Your Dragon
  • Machete
  • Toy Story 3
  • The Social Network

GUILTY PLEASURES

PIRHANA 3D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piranha_3D

This movie was gory, silly and pretty much dreadful … but I can’t help but love it. Alexandre Aja’s PIRANHA 3D was not simply an homage to the ridiculous, drive-in exploitation horror film, it’s an actual ridiculous, drive-in exploitation horror film. It’s just a funny, goofy, gory popcorn-chomping film. Oh … and there’s many fantastic boobies.

JACKASS 3D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackass_3D

Not a lot to say about this movie except that it’s about lunatics doing idiotically-dangerous things. And I’m ashamed to say that I laughed myself nearly to the point of incontinence. Oh, by the way, I saw it in 2D because even the guys in the film thought doing it in 3D was dumb. They were right.

OSCAR PREDICTIONS

People who know I’m a movie buff continue to ask who I think will win at the Oscars. Let me sum it up for you in two words:

MACGRUBER sweep.


 

 

 

 

 

Now leave me alone!

– END -

© Copyright 2011 by John D. Harvey

2 Comments »

SALT

Posted in 2010, Action Movies, Hot Chick Movies, John Harvey Reviews with tags , , , , on July 27, 2010 by knifefighter

SALT Lacks Sugar, Spice, or Anything Remotely Nice
Review by John Harvey

I’m terrified of Angelina Jolie’s mouth.

There I said it. And I’m not taking it back. Throughout watching SALT, I visibly cringed whenever the camera panned, snapped or zoomed in for a close shot of the film’s star, Angelina Jolie and her most notable physical trademark … two warring zeppelins dipped in lip gloss.

And these shots occurred very often.

Why? Because SALT has nothing to do with character, plot, dialogue or any other component part of movie craft that director Phillip Noyce apparently decided was extraneous to this film. What SALT is really about is this: Angelina Jolie looks totally hot while kicking ass. Or … um … she looks totally hot right before the camera cuts and her stunt-double kicks ass.

In a nutshell, Angelina Jolie plays Evelyn Salt, a tough-as-nails CIA operative (and loving wife) settling into a desk job after being tortured horribly in North Korea. In steps Daniel Olbrychski playing Orlov, a defecting Russian FSB operative who accuses Salt of being a Russian sleeper super-spy that has been trained from childhood to do bad, bad things to America. Salt goes rogue (of course) and skips effortlessly through an unending stream of uninspired action sequences on a quest to clear her name … and save her husband … and save America … and other stuff. Honestly, once I started weeping softly into my upturned hands, I lost track.

During this mess, both Liev Schreiber and Chiwetel Ejiofor play CIA agents (named Ted Winter and Peabody respectively) who chase Salt while engaging in that tired thriller trope where one guy believes she’s innocent and the other doesn’t. These are two actors whose work I’ve generally enjoyed. But in SALT I expected them to break the third wall and say directly to the camera “Because the check cleared. That’s why.”

The central problem with SALT is that it asks the audience to treat  the movie in the same way audiences treated wonderful spy thrillers like THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER (1990) or RONIN (1998). Which is to say, the filmmakers behind SALT want us to take the movie seriously, when the fact is that there’s no hook on which to hang that hat.

The only conspicuous use of a screenwriter occurs whenever a character needs to disgorge a heap of exposition or during breaks in the action for a weak attempt at portraying Salt’s romantic life via flashback. The characters are photocopies-of-photocopies-of-photocopies from any number of straight-to-video action films (and everyone’s acting reflects that). All the revelatory moments that are intended to inspire an “Oh my God!” actually get a “You’ve got to be [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ing kidding me!”

And for everything going wrong in SALT, here’s the punch line. There’s a segment of this film where they attempt disguise Angelina Jolie as a man. The result? Let me put it this way … have you ever seen the Wayans Brothers 2004 comedy WHITE CHICKS? (2004)* (see footnote below)

If this movie had been rewritten to be more tongue-in-cheek or even a spoof, then it probably would have been more enjoyable. In that setting, you can go for all the tropes and stereotypes and have fun with them. In SALT, the audience’s laughter was anything but intentional.

The fact is that fans of spy thrillers and action/adventure know to leave their expectation for authenticity and logic at home. That said, filmmakers still need to credit these viewers with more intelligence than someone who must read the instructions on the shampoo bottle every time they use it.

Honestly, watching SALT amounts to time I’ll never get back. It’s not worth a matinee ticket. It’s not worth seeing as a rental. Actually, if your friends rent it, just walk into the kitchen and drink alone for 1.5 hours. You’ll thank me.

But I’ll say this … thank God it wasn’t in 3D.

Directed by: Phillip Noyce
Written by: Kurt Wimmer
Starring: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Daniel Olbrychski
Rating: PG-13
Run Time: 1hr 39min

=========

* WHITE CHICKS … a movie of such monolithic badness that after fifteen minutes of viewing, my bowels involuntarily voided themselves with such explosive force that I was propelled out of the theater on a jet stream of feces. This was the first and only time I’ve ever  used the phrase, “Thank you exploding bowels.”

– END -

© Copyright 2010 by John Harvey

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