MICHAEL ARRUDA’S PICKS FOR THE WORST MOVIES OF 2012
By Michael Arruda
Here’s my list for the Worst 10 Movies for 2012.
The most amazing thing about this list is that TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART II isn’t on it! That means I saw some pretty bad movies this year.
That being said, the list below if full of stinkers, and I have to say that it was difficult ranking them because they were all bad. All 11 of the following movies could easily have made it to the top of the list, the Worst Movie of the Year. In fact, they all should share that distinction.
First, before we get to the top 10, an Honorable Mention: SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN – Kristen Stewart as Snow White? Nuff said! A complete waste of time and talent. The only saving grace is the dwarves keep their shirts on.
Now for the 10 WORST MOVIES OF THE YEAR:
10. THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN – Andrew Garfield as Spidey ain’t so amazing! I know this one did well, and audiences liked it, but for me, it just never climbed out of the shadow of the superior Sam Raimi – Tobey Maguire Spidey movies. And no J. Jonah Jameson!
9. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 4 – Young Kathryn Newton does a nice job in the lead, but all for not, as this one’s a drag. Plays more like PARANORMAL INACTIVITY. Weakest film of the series. Maybe it’s time we put this series to bed.
8. SILENT HILL: REVELATION 3D– Yet another in the growing line of movies that thinks it’s a movie but is really an extended video game. There’s no script to speak of. All visuals, no story. In other words, a video game disguising itself as a movie. While I did enjoy the visuals in this one, the movie as a whole is horrible and includes some embarrassingly poor acting performances by people who should know better, like Sean Bean for instance, who has an accent in some scenes but loses it in others.
7. DARK SHADOWS – Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins. Need I say anything more? A complete mess.
6. THE APPARITION – Ashley Greene from the TWILIGHT movies makes a nice lead, but this incredibly weak horror movie is so bad it’s not scary. Plus the cardinal sin is committed of showing the final scene from the film in the movie’s trailers. It has a muddled story that smells of last minute rewrites.
5. UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING –Rretire this series already! No script, no story, no decent dialogue, no fun. Folks, we have to stop paying money to see these video-game movie wannabes to send Hollywood a message: movies are about stories, not images. Even Kate Beckinsale in tight black clothing can’t save this one.
4. PROJECT X – I hated this comedy. I love raunchy comedies like the next guy, but this one has at its core a couple of very unlikable characters who belong in a detention hall, not in front of a camera. This wild tale of a high school party gone awry is so devoid of creativity, it makes AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS seem like high art by comparison.
3. SILENT HOUSE – Elizabeth Olsen looks frightened and screams a lot. Dull, unimaginative horror movie with a lame twist at the end you can see coming a mile away. Keep miles away from this stinker. Its title describes the theater audience watching this one.
2. BATTLESHIP – hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! A complete joke of a movie. No relation whatsoever to the popular board game. The most amazing thing about this movie is how bad it is. Think about it: it’s a story which pits battleships against alien spaceships. How bad can it be? Worse. Taylor Kitsch has the distinction of being in both one of the worst movies of the year (this one) and one of the best (Oliver Stone’s SAVAGES). For that matter, Liam Neeson shares that distinction, as he was in THE GREY as well in 2012, but lucky for Neeson, he’s only in this bomb for about five minutes. He’s obviously just collecting a paycheck here. Awful, awful, movie.
1. RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION – how bad is this movie? Let’s put it in perspective: in terms of video games masquerading as movies, it’s worse than both UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING (less of a story) and SILENT HILL: REVELATION 3D (less impressive visuals). Did I say it has no story? Watching this movie is like picking up a book and reading a section of a chapter from a random page where you don’t bother to read the beginning or the end. RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION is so bad it’s even more boring than the TWILIGHT movies. It has perhaps one of the most annoying and lamest villains Albert Wesker (Shawn Roberts) you’ll ever find in a movie. He makes Loki seem like The Joker. And as good as Milla Jovovich looks kicking bad guys’ butts, her shtick only goes so far, for me, about ten minutes. Repeat after me: END THIS SERIES NOW!!! Worst movie of the year.
© Copyright 2013 by Michael Arruda