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Me and Lil’ Stevie: CREEPSHOW II (1987)

Posted in 2013, 80s Horror, Anthology Films, Ghosts!, Me and Lil' Stevie, Monsters, Peter Dudar Reviews, Sea Creatures, Stephen King Movies with tags 80s horror, Chief Wood'nhead, Creepshow 2, gore, Michael Gornick, scares, stephen king, The Hitchhiker, The Raft on March 27, 2013 by knifefighter

Me and Lil’ Stevie
Periodically Enjoy
CREEPSHOW II (1987)
By Peter Dudar

(Exterior-day: Establishing shot of quiet Maine town by morning. There is a little boy sitting on his bicycle just outside the local newsstand, waiting for a very special delivery. An old army-style canvas-covered delivery truck adorned with comic book graphics pulls up, and the little boy sits up tall on his bike. The truck parks, and then there is a figure rummaging around the back of the truck, sorting through bundles of magazines. The figure tosses a bundle out onto the curb, and the boy goes to reach for it. Suddenly, the boy stops and looks up at the figure in the back of the truck. The camera pans upward and we see that the figure is a man holding a ventriloquist dummy in the form of Master of Horror, Stephen King.)

Lil’ Stevie: I wouldn’t do that, son…I really wouldn’t.

Peter: Why not? Little Billy, here, just wants the very first copy.

Billy: Yeah! It’s all mine! I got here first!

Peter: Go ahead, Billy. Open it up. You’ve earned it.

(Billy opens up the package. Instead of being filled with comic books, the package is filled with autographed pictures of Justin Beiber.)

Billy: Nooooooo! (abandons his bicycle and runs away screaming).

Lil’ Stevie: Hyuk Hyuk Hyuk…they fall for it every time!

Peter: Welcome, Constant Viewer, to another fun-filled episode. Today, we’ll be discussing Michael Gornick’s 1987 film directorial debut, CREEPSHOW II. Gornick, like a lot of other directors that have cut their teeth on Stephen King projects, has a long history of working in the cinema, serving as a cinematographer, production manager, camera and sound engineer, actor, and producer. He is equally steeped in made-for-television projects as well. So, when George Romero (director of the original CREEPSHOW, 1982) passed on the project, Gornick stepped in (he was cinematographer on CREEPSHOW, and was familiar with the spirit of the project).

Lil’ Stevie: And the fans of CREEPSHOW rejoiced! Boo-ya!

Peter: Not exactly. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. As you already know, Constant Viewer, we examined the original CREEPSHOW back in episode 7, and we happen to consider it a favorite of ours, so we want to treat this entry as fairly and unbiased as possible.

Lil’ Stevie: Which means we sat our butts down and re-watched it, for old time’s sake.

Peter: The film begins pretty much as we’ve established with the delivery truck, turning Little Billy’s wraparound segment into an animated storyline featuring him and “The Creep” (Tom Savini, special effects maestro and character actor, FROM DUSK TILL DAWN, 1996).

Lil’ Stevie: You’re already getting it wrong. The Creep is played by Joe Silver (RABID, 1977).

Peter (sighing): Silver provided the voice. Now, quit interrupting. It bears mentioning that the original film was constructed with comic book panels and artwork interspersed with the live action sequences. It made the movie feel like a comic-book-come-to-life, which was an enormous part of the campy charm that made the original so cool (not to mention comic art veteran Bernie Wrightson’s stunning contributions). All of that is traded off for “The Creep’s” animated spookshow-host narration. I found this to be an annoyance more than an upgrade. At the time of this film’s theatrical release, HBO was already knocking ‘em dead with their “Crypt Keeper” in TALES FROM THE CRYPT. This feels like a bad rip-off.

Lil’ Stevie: Can we talk about my stories? My stories are what bring the movie to life!

(Peter reaches down and snatches up an autographed photo of Justin Beiber)

Peter: Here, this is for you. Aren’t you his “Number-one fan?”

(Lil’ Stevie turns aside and throws up).

Peter: Holy cow! How are you doing that? You’re a puppet. You can’t throw up!

Lil’ Stevie: (Dragging his sleeve across his mouth) Oh yeah? Well, you can’t write for beans!

Peter: (Shaking his head). You disgust me. Anyway, the REAL Stephen King provided three stories for the film; OLD CHIEF WOOD’NHEAD, THE RAFT, and THE HITCHHIKER (with THE RAFT being the only one of the three segments to appear as a published story. It was released in Gallery magazine in 1982, and then in the collection SKELETON CREW in 1985). The first story, OLD CHIEF WOODN’HEAD, concerns Ray and Martha Spruce (George Kennedy and Dorothy Lamour). The Spruces (a loving nod, perhaps, to Tabitha King’s family) are an elderly couple who own and operate the only general store in Dead River, Arizona. The town, it seems, has washed up and blown away, and its few remaining citizens (most of them being Native American) are in debt to the Spruces. Ray Spruce doesn’t seem all that concerned, though. He’s done very well over the years, and feels obligated to give back to the people that supported him.

Lil’ Stevie: The beginning of the story sees Ray outside his store, painting new war stripes on Chief Wood’nhead; the cigar store-style Indian statue that stands on the store’s front porch.

Peter: While he’s working, his neighbor, Benjamin Whitemoon (Frank Salsedo, MAGIC IN THE WATER, 1995) pays him a visit. Whitemoon brings a pouch of Native American jewelry that he has collected from his people as a kind of promissory note to pay off the debts his people have incurred. “I’ll guard it with my life,” Ray promises. He tries to convince Whitemoon that prosperity is in the air and that the town is going to come back, but he and Whitemoon already know this isn’t to be. The pouch is the only payment he is going to see for his kindness, and by taking it, he allows Whitemoon’s people to remain borrowers rather than beggars.

Lil’ Stevie: You NEVER promise to guard something with your life. You just don’t do it.

Peter: That’s right. Because Whitemoon’s nephew Sam (Holt McCallany, GANGSTER SQUAD, 2013) and his buddies want that wampum. They hold up the store, taking what little cash the Spruces have, but Sam has his eye set on the pouch of jewelry. The heist quickly turns into a killing spree, with Martha gunned down while her husband watches helpless, trying to talk Sam out of what he’s about to do. When Ray refuses to let go of the treasure he promised to guard with his life, he, too is murdered and the pouch is pried from his cold, dead hands. And then Sam and his buddies are racing off to leave Dead River for new digs in Hollywood.

Lil’ Stevie: Not if Old Chief Wood’nhead can help it…

Peter: Precisely. In E.C. Comics-style vengeance, the Chief (Dan Kamin, MARS ATTACKS, 1996) comes to life and goes on the warpath against the hooligans who killed the folks that took such good care of him. The siege doesn’t end until all three are dead, with Sam’s scalp (which he treasured) clutched in his hand as he finds rest at his original post outside the store. The Chief is the real star of this story, and the makeup effects for the statue come-to-life by Gregory Nicotero and company deserve mad props. This film is one of the last of its breed; the kind with guys in rubber suits and prosthetic appliances providing the scares rather than CGI. It pays off as you watch the Chief’s subtle facial movements and statuesque body motions.

Lil’ Stevie: …and the blood shots, squirting all over the walls as the Chief swings his tomahawk.

Peter: On kind of a funny off-note, I’d always believed that Rodney Grant played Sam Whitemoon. Grant is the Native American actor that portrayed Wind In His Hair in 1990’s DANCES WITH WOLVES. It turns out that Holt McCallany isn’t even Native American. Crazy, huh?

Lil’ Stevie: Hilarious. You’re an imbecile.

Peter: (pulls out a tomahawk and crunches it into Lil’ Stevie’s head.) Heh. That’s funny, too. The second story, THE RAFT, is about four college kids who race off to a lake after the summer season has ended to go for a swim in the lake’s secluded waters. A joint is passed around as Deke and Randy drag their best gals, Laverne and Rachel, to the lake in Deke’s bitchin’ Camaro. They arrive at the lake with the radio blasting terrible 80s music, and the boys race right into the lake and begin paddling toward The Raft. The girls follow reluctantly, and as they are swimming, the boys notice a weird, oily membrane floating on the water (the membrane eats a duck alive, to their horror). Once they are all up on the raft, the kids are held hostage by the membrane, which now seems to move and have a mind of its own. Rachel buys it first, gently prodding the membrane to see what it is, only to have the membrane snatch her off the raft and eat her up. Deke dies next, as the membrane slides effortlessly between the raft’s slits and begins chewing away his flesh.

Lil’ Stevie: Randy and Laverne manage to survive all night, but thanks to Randy’s randy hormones, Laverne falls prey to the membrane. As the gelatinous blob eats her alive, Randy decides to make a break for it and swim to the shore…but will he make it out alive?

Peter: This was my favorite segment of the film, and Gornick’s cinematography skills really shine in how this was shot. It’s beautifully done, the way the camera floats past the kids on the raft at eye-level. It’s great stuff. Again, all that’s missing is the neat comic book panels from the original film.

Lil’ Stevie: The acting was a tad weak in this one. None of these kids had star quality, and none of them had any meteoric rise to fame because of this movie.

Peter: Sad but true. The last segment, THE HITCHHIKER, stars Lois Chiles (MOONRAKER, 1979) as Annie Lansing, the wife of a successful attorney. Lois has been throwing her husband’s hard-earned money at her favorite gigolo for sex, but in spite of her infidelity, she’s terrified of being home one minute late from the affair as it will anger her husband severely. So, after an evening of wanton sex with her lover, she notices she’s late and will never be home on time. She floors the pedal of her BMW in her bid to get home, and in the process, she accidentally runs over some hapless hitchhiker (Tom Wright, BARBER SHOP, 2002) holding a sign reading DOVER.

Lil’ Stevie: Stephen King cameo! King plays a truck driver, who happens to be the first on the scene after Annie Lansing disappears in her BMW.

Peter: The shaken adulterer speeds away, trying to convince herself that she can always turn herself in if she can’t live with the guilt, but the guilt has already begun to manifest itself. It seems the Hitchhiker isn’t really dead, and will haunt her ride home. The corpse seems to turn up over and over again, until Annie is literally running his body into trees, and then driving back and forth over the poor guy’s remains until he is the nastiest road kill you’ve ever seen.

Lil’ Stevie: We really ramped up the gore on this one. Like the first segment, this tale is all about revenge.

Peter: It’s really all about guilt. We don’t honestly know if the Hitchhiker is really haunting her, or if she’s injured her head in the accident and is hallucinating the whole thing. But Annie eventually makes it back home and parks her totaled car in the garage, where the Hitchhiker visits her one last time…

Lil’ Stevie: And her husband finds her dead body in a haze of carbon monoxide. Maybe she couldn’t live with the guilt after all.

Peter: A couple of things about this movie…Putting aside the lack of comic book panel framing, this film’s stories verge more on the serious side rather than the campy side that the original movie had. The first film’s characters were more like caricatures, more stereotypical than typical. This film opted to play it straight, leaving the comedy to the goofy animated “Creep” segments, and that detracts from the overall impact of the movie. It’s no wonder that so many King and Romero fans were disappointed with this film (and that’s taking into consideration that Romero wrote the screenplay based on King’s stories). The stories are very stripped down and one-dimensional, making them predictable in their outcomes. But they work. They are entertaining stories built on morality plays. What would you do if you accidentally ran someone over and killed them? What would you do if you and your friends were stuck on a raft with something trying to eat you?

Lil’ Stevie: I’d make sure you got eaten first!

Peter: Thanks. I can always count on you. I guess my final word on this one is that it falls under the category of “What could have been…” This could have been great if it stuck to the formula that made the first movie so great. It could have been great if they left out “The Creep” and stuck with the nifty comic book with its pages flapping in the breeze. It could have been great with a bit more campy humor. And it could have been great with one or two more stories. The three tales (and the wraparound story with Billy getting chased by the bullies) just don’t offer a satisfying meal for us to feast on. Two vengeance tales and a badly-acted hostage story fall short of a complete anthology film.

Lil’ Stevie: Unless you’re Mario Bava. BLACK SABBATH (1963) rocks!

Peter: In the meantime, we’ll keep hoping King and Romero get it together and put out a legitimate CREEPSHOW III, unlike the one that was released in 2006 that had nothing to do with either of them. Agreed?

Lil’ Stevie: Agreed. Well, boils and ghouls, we’ll be slaying ya…er, seeing ya next month! Bwahahahaha!

(Peter leans down and picks up Billy’s bicycle and climbs on, setting Lil’ Stevie on the handlebars.)

Peter: Thanks a lot, Billy…thanks for the ride! (Pedals away).

THE COLLECTION (2012)

Posted in 2012, Cinema Knife Fights, Disturbing Cinema, Elaborate Murders, Extreme Movies, Gore!, Killers, LL Soares Reviews, Madness, Medical Experiments!, Mutilation, Psychos, Sequels, Torture with tags Collection, Collector, Emma Fitzpatrick, gore, Hotel of Horrors, Josh Stewart, lee tergeson, Marcus Dunstan, Sequels, torture porn on December 10, 2012 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT Presents:
THE COLLECTION (2012)
Review by L.L. Soares

(THE SCENE: an abandoned hotel full of cobwebs. L.L. SOARES is climbing the stairs using a flashlight)

LS: I’m starting to think MICHAEL ARRUDA isn’t here at all. I’m sure this is all a prank.

(His cell phone rings, playing Bernard Herrmann’s music from the shower scene of PSYCHO)

LS: Hello?

MA: LL, is that you? I’ve been waiting for an hour now.

LS: What are you talking about? I’m here now, at the Argento Hotel, just like you told me. I can’t find you anywhere.

MA: Oops, I meant the Argento Steak House. My bad.

LS: That explains a lot.

MA: Well, while I have you on the phone, how was that new movie, THE COLLECTION?

LS: I was just going to start the review. I guess I have to do this one solo.

(SWITCH to Michael Arruda in a restaurant. A waiter brings a delicious meal to his table)

MA (making noises with his mouth): Oh no, I’m having phone problems. LL are you there? I can’t hear you?

LS: Yes, I’m still here.

MA (makes more noises): Oh no, you’re breaking up. I’m going to lose you. (MA shuts off his phone)

LS: Dammit! I hate bad connections. And it always happens when I’m in spooky places like this.

So where was I? Oh yes, I was going to review the new movie THE COLLECTION. I guess I’ve got nothing better to do.

(LS sits down on a comfy chair in the hallway of the old hotel. He brings the flashlight up to his face, turning it on, making himself look spooky)

LS: Gather round the fire, kiddies, and I’ll tell you the spooky story of THE COLLECTION. First off, it’s the sequel to the 2009 movie THE COLLECTOR, which was also directed by Marcus Dunstan. He also co-wrote the screenplays for SAW IV (2007), SAW V (2008) , SAW VI (2009) and SAW 3D: THE FINAL CHAPTER (2010) as well as FEAST (2005) and its sequels, with his writing partner, Patrick Melton. This is a busy guy.

Anyway, in case you didn’t see the first one, it was a about a thief named Arkin (Josh Stewart) who breaks into a house to steal some money and valuables, and instead finds a house of horrors. Someone else has gotten there first, and has turned it into a booby-trapped filled torture chamber, and the family (who was supposed to be on vacation) suffers horribly at the hands of a masked murderer known only as The Collector. They call him that because, whenever he attacks someplace, he kills everyone except one person, who he kidnaps for his “collection.”

The first movie ended on a suspenseful note, as Arkin was captured by the Collector, and then the end credits rolled.

The new movie, THE COLLECTION, continues where the last one left off. Sort of. This time around, we find out that the Collector has been up to lots of mischief since the last time we saw him. Not only is he making random home invasions, now the number of people he’s killed is off the charts, and the police have no clue how to stop him. The city is in a panic. So what does teenager Elena (Emma Fitzpatrick) do? She goes to a rave of course, in an abandoned building that no adults know about. When she finds out that her boyfriend is cheating on her, she runs away from the dance floor to an empty room, with a trunk in the middle of it. She’s crying when suddenly the trunk moves and starts to make noise! There’s someone inside it. As we know from the previous movie, this is the Collector’s calling card, and if you open a trunk, it puts all kinds of horrible things in motion. So of course, she opens it, letting out Arkin (Josh Stewart again), our hero from the first movie. Only this time he is bloody from having been tortured for weeks.

His being set free sets all kinds of weird traps and pullies in motion, and a giant wheat shredding blade descends on the partiers, chopping them all to mulch. Another group of people, including Elena’s friend, Missy (Johanna Braddy) get locked up in a cage where the ceiling is crushing down on them.

Somehow Arkin escapes, and Elena gets nabbed by the Collector before he can save her. She is the only survivor of the massacre, and, as we know, the Collector always takes one victim away from the crime scene alive.

(LS gets up from the chair, just as a huge metal spike drops down from the ceiling and stabs where he was just sitting)

LS: Arkin wakes up in the hospital, where he is interrogated by a guy named Lucello (Lee Tergesen), who appears to be a cop, but isn’t. He works for Elena’s rich father (Christopher McDonald) and will stop at nothing to find Elena and bring her back to her father. Even if that means forcing Arkin to retrace his steps to find where Elena is being held (he has marks carved in his arm to determine where he was taken to last time).

Lucello and his team of Black Ops agents then invade the Hotel Argento (get the funny homage to horror director Dario Argento?) where the Collector rules over victims driven insane by their horrible treatment and who have been turned into crazed zombie-like creatures. Oh, and there are tons of booby traps and mazes and bear traps and time bombs. Let’s just say that Lucello has no idea what he’s in for, and poor Arkin is forced to go along for the ride, even though he’s endured these particular horrors before.

There are also lots of “collections” throughout the hotel. From the usual butterflies and insects in frames, to giant tanks full of bizarre sculptures made from human body parts.

There are bizarre sculptures made from human body parts throughout the hotel, like this one.

(LS continues walking down the hallway. Hatchets are hurled at him and keep missing him.)

LS: THE COLLECTION is in limited release and its official release date was December 1^st, except that week it was only playing in obscure movie theaters out in the ‘burbs, so I couldn’t see it. This weekend, it got a slightly wider release and made its way into the city. Because I enjoyed the first movie, I was looking forward to seeing this one, so I made sure to check it out before it disappeared.

Let me state something for the record. I like “torture porn.” That might be the first time you have ever seen a critic say this out loud in public, but the truth is, when the genre is done right, it can be pretty compelling. I think the first two HOSTEL movies, for example, are terrific. I was less-than-enthusiastic about all the SAW movies, because I had a problem with the Jigsaw character.

You see, our old friend Jigsaw had this agenda where his elaborate murder scenarios were meant to give the bad people who survived them a second chance. He was trying to change their lives. He was trying to redeem them, by making them thankful to be alive. This was all a bit hard to swallow, and I’m sure you found this all to be as much bullshit as I did. Also, Jigsaw didn’t like to get his hands dirty and watched the violence from a control room. His “victims” had to make decisions about which door to open, or which lever to pull, while he watched from safety.

The Collector isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He is more than happy to resort to hand-to-hand combat when his more elaborate methods don’t finish everyone off. He’s a skilled fighter, knows his way around a knife fight, and is lethal as hell. And there’s no pontificating about changing people’s lives. The Collector simply thirsts for blood and uses his weird, elaborate killing methods to quench that thirst. Plus, he wears a cool, black Mexican wrestler’s mask to keep his identity a secret. Let’s just say that the Collector would kick Jigsaw’s ass in a fight.

THE COLLECTION is gory as hell. It pushes its R-rating to the limit. And it’s very suspenseful. You never know what is going to happen next, and who will die. Which is just the way a good horror movie should be. Sure, not all of it makes sense, and you really start to wonder how anyone can set up as many crazy booby traps as this guy does throughout the hotel—it just doesn’t seem possible—and then you realize, “hell, it’s just a movie.” And there are lots of blockbuster action movies that make even less sense.

And the cast is top-rate for this kind of thing. Josh Stewart, who was so good in the first movie, does an equally good job here, reprising his role as petty thief and “Collector expert” Arkin. Emma Fitzpatrick is tough and unflinching as Elena (she reminded me a bit of Natalie Portman). Lee Tergeson (who you might remember as Beecher from the HBO series OZ) is solid here as Lucello, and his team of mercenaries includes Andre Royo, who was so great as the homeless guy Bubbles on another excellent HBO series, THE WIRE (it seems like more great actors have come out of OZ and THE WIRE than any other TV shows put together). Believe me, the actors involved are above-average for this kind of thing.

And the ending is actually pretty satisfying this time around. So make sure you stay in your seat until those end credits roll, because there’s a kick-ass epilogue to the story.

(LS stops in front of a doorway, and a pie hurtles at him, hitting him in the face)

Beware! The Collector wants to add you to his COLLECTION.

Beware! The Collector just might want to add you to his COLLECTION.

LS (wipes cream off his face and licks): Mmmm, banana cream!

Sure there’s horrible violence. Sure, people get tortured. There’s blood and body parts galore. But it works. There’s this incredibly sadistic bastard trying to kill as many people as possible, and a group of people trying their best to stop him. If it’s “torture porn,” and it certainly fits the bill, then it’s one of the better examples of the genre. Unfortunately, the genre itself is in decline, no doubt thanks to all of those SAW movies that amounted to a great big example of overkill. They milked that cash cow as long as they could. So there’s a good chance THE COLLECTION might be the end of this particular franchise.

I am not expecting THE COLLECTION to be a big hit. In fact, I’m sure it won’t do very well at all, especially since it’s in such limited release. But I’m telling you, if you’re not squeamish about this kind of stuff, you might just enjoy the hell out of it. I know I did.

I give THE COLLECTION ~ four bloody knives.

(LS dials his cell phone, and Michael Arruda picks up on the other end, enjoying his steak dinner)

MA: Hello?

LS: I know you gave me the wrong info on purpose. I hope you’re enjoying your dinner.

MA: Er…I am.

LS: And I hope you enjoyed the ground up glass in the mashed potatoes.

MA (touches his mouth and coughs up blood): NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

LS: What? I can’t hear you. We have a bad connection.

(FADE TO BLACK)

LL Soares gives THE COLLECTION ~ four knives!

REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA (2008)

Posted in 2012, Cult Movies, Dystopian Futures, Evil Doctors!, Gore!, Musicals, Peter Dudar Reviews with tags bill moseley, Genetic Opera, gore, Horror Musical, Ogre, Paris Hilton, Paul Sorvino, Repo, Sarah Brightman on October 31, 2012 by knifefighter

REPO! The Genetic Opera (2008)
A Review By Peter N. Dudar

This review has been a long time coming…

I first read about REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA (2008) in an issue of Rue Morgue Magazine. I paid particular attention to it as the movie featured actor Bill Moseley (Chop Top from TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE II, 1986, and more recently, Otis from Rob Zombie’s HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES, 2003, and THE DEVIL’S REJECTS, 2005) who happens to be one of my big-screen favorites, but the film came and went here in Maine pretty quickly and I never got to see it. I hadn’t heard much fanfare about it from friends online, so I let it slip quietly past my radar.

Jump-cut to much earlier this year, when my wife finally talked me into signing up for Netflix streaming video. It was a cold, late-winter night when I saw the title REPO! on the queue, and finally gave it a chance. I’m very glad I did. This film is beautifully fun and grotesque!

I know what you’re thinking…a rock opera? It immediately brings forth visions of late 70s Andrew Lloyd Weber schlock like JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR or HAIR. Or perhaps you’re familiar with REPO! already and thinking about the cult blockbuster THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. But the fact is that this really does pass for an opera, and one deep-rooted in gore, violence, and the macabre.

REPO! opens in comic book box-panels (a nifty visual narrator for the film), informing us of the dystopian world we are about to enter, where GeneCo has saved the world from an epidemic of organ failures. Only, GeneCo’s founder, Rottissimo “Rotti” Largo (Paul Sorvino, GOODFELLAS, 1990) has developed a terrible clause in his business ventures that those who fail to make payments on their transplants are subject to having those transplants repossessed. This notion creates a moralistic fiber that doesn’t seem all that far-fetched in our own world, where cars, homes, and personal belongings are stripped away without hesitation in our dwindling economy. We’re also introduced to the character of Grave-Robber (Terrance Zdunich, who served as writer, composer, producer, and assistant director on this project, over a ten-year labor of love to bring REPO! to life), who aids in setting the stage for the story we are about to witness.

REPO! concerns seventeen-year-old Shilo Wallace (Alexa Vega, THE DEVIL’S CARNIVAL, 2012)—who suffers a rare blood disease handed down from her late mother—and her father, Nathan Wallace (Anthony Head, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, 1997), the Repo Man, who works directly for Rotti Largo to repossess the organs and parts of those who cannot pay their bills. Nathan is in a precarious situation…he doesn’t want his daughter to know of the terrible, murderous acts he’s responsible for, all the while doing everything he possibly can to protect his sick daughter and keep her safe. Through song and dialogue, their conflicted relationship is brought out, and the sadness for both characters is extremely palpable. It feels like the terrible deeds Nathan is doing are totally justified, and that is a very important element to the story.

Meanwhile, Rotti Largo is dying, and his offspring are fighting over who is to take control of GeneCo once the old man is gone. Luigi Largo (Bill Moseley…see above) believes HE should be the one to take control. Luigi is a homicidally violent psychopath who feels very strongly that he is the glue that will hold the Largo family together after Rotti passes. His brother Pavi (Nivek Ogre of the industrial band Skinny Puppy, and actor in movies such as THE DEVIL’S CARNIVAL, 2012), an absolute freak who finds fashion in wearing the skins of other people to conceal his own face, believes that HE should take over GeneCo, as he understands the fashion of the day is the latest surgical trend. Their sister Amber Sweet, (an unrecognizable Paris Hilton, HOUSE OF WAX, 2005), IS addicted to plastic surgery, and is caught in the middle of this power struggle. The problem is that Rotti already knows that he cannot leave the future of GeneCo in the hands of his progeny.

As REPO! progresses, we see that young Shilo is being torn apart by her ill-fated blood disease and the life of seclusion her father is forcing upon her. So she ventures out to visit her mother’s grave to find comfort, and instead learns of the terrible secret of the Grave-Robber. Apparently, the Grave-Robber is digging up past GeneCo subjects and extracting a chemical called Zydrate from their brains. Zydrate is a euphoric chemical that dulls the senses so that those who are addicted to surgery can have a drug to take the edge off. And, of course, Amber Sweet is addicted to surgery, and happens to be one of the Grave-Digger’s best customers. This part of the film happens to be one of my favorites, as Grave-Digger encapsulates in song the terrible pathos of Amber Sweet and those others that keep him busy in his morbid business.

Through more of the comic book-panel box narrative, we learn about what actually happened to Shilo’s mother…how she was originally in love with Rotti Largo, and how Nathan Wallace won her love away from him. We see just how much the dying Rotti Largo is still in control over Nathan, and how all the while he is scheming to turn Shilo against her dad by offering a cure for her disease, so that one day she might take control of the empire he has built with GeneCo. And we see the conflict that is going to create among Rotti’s insane children.

We’re also introduced to Blind Mag (Sarah Brightman, a world-renowned soprano who has performed for millions worldwide), who is under contract with GeneCo after they fitted her with a new pair of eyes. Blind Mag was friends with Shilo’s mother, and was unaware that Shilo made it through childbirth. As Rotti’s plan to lure Shilo away from her father unfolds, Blind Mag pays a visit to her and Nathan, and tries to stop the inevitable tragedy that is currently shaping up.

At the heart of REPO! is the tragedy that is constantly evolving for poor Shilo. We have a young girl that wants to live disease-free, and is being torn apart by her love for her father and her desire to be healthy and normal. And we’re constantly at the mercy of a film with first-rate storytelling, beautifully memorable music, and the empathy we feel for the relationship between father and daughter.

REPO! never falters in delivering some grueling scenes of violence and gore, but it also delivers some first-rate performances (particularly from Sorvino, Brightman, and believe-it-or-not, Paris Hilton), breathtaking cinematography, and an absolutely brilliant soundtrack from writers Zdunich and Darren Smith—all beautifully directed by Darren Lynn Bousman. As a fan of horror films and lover of musicals, I have to give REPO! The Genetic Opera four knives. I highly recommend this film, and hope you will add it to your Halloween movie marathon.

Peter Dudar gives REPO! The Genetic Opera ~four knives.

Suburban Grindhouse Memories collects some SCALPS (1983)

Posted in "So Bad They're Good" Movies, 1980s Horror, 2012, Bad Acting, Demonic Possession, Drive-in Movies, Gore!, Grave Robbing, Just Plain Bad, Nick Cato Reviews, Possession, Suburban Grindhouse Memories with tags 1980s Horror, Black Claw, Fred Olan Ray, gore, Grindhouse, scalps on June 14, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
You’ll Wish it Was Just Dandruff!
By Nick Cato

While most people saw it as part of a double feature VHS release, 1983’s SCALPS had a brief theatrical run in late December of that year. Directed by future schlock-kingpin Fred Olen Ray, this slasher/possession film is a mixed bag that doesn’t quite live up to its eye-catching poster ad.

Six archeology students head out to the desert to the site of an old Indian burial ground (thank you, POLTERGEIST, 1982, for helping this to become one of the most clichéd horror plots of all time) and despite hearing a word of warning (if they disturb the site, the spirit of an Indian warrior will seek revenge), our generic slasher-film throw-a-ways decide to get busy with their shovels, anyway. It doesn’t take long for weird things to start happening around their campsite, including the team eventually being disposed of in gory ways. The tension (attempts) to grow as we learn the culprit may be one of their own, possessed by the spirit they’ve unleashed by tampering with ancient artifacts.

SCALPS is one of those films that rewards ONLY those patient enough to get through its first hour. Most of the action goes down during the third act, and gorehounds who may have heard about this one need only to fast-forward their DVD to the final half hour (although there IS a decapitation during the opening moments, perhaps placed as a slight teaser). A couple of people walked out during one of the endless digging-scenes, one guy yelling, “Keep digging, a$$holes!”, causing me to both crack a smile then wonder what someone had expected, paying to see a film titled SCALPS.

The spirit that possesses one of the campers pops up from behind rocks a few times, once actually scaring the audience (see picture below). Known as Black Claw, this Indian spirit is TRULY annoyed his stuff has been discovered (and, of course, WHY we’re never told) and thankfully there’s a bunch of freshly-dug-up weapons at his disposal.

Call me crazy, but if people found stuff I created a long time ago and wanted to put them in a museum, I’d be thrilled. Black Claw, however, only wants people to die. Horribly!

What drove the (now defunct) Fox Twin Cinema audience crazy were the seemingly ENDLESS scenes of our archeologists gabbing on and on about their work, both how important it was (another thing never fully explained why) and also how risky it was in light of the post-dig events. If there’s one film I wish I had a tape recorder playing through, it’d be SCALPS, where more profanity was offered to the on-screen cast than any other film I could recall attending. One full-figured guy two rows in front of me (complete with a backwards STP baseball hat—perhaps he drove in from New Jersey?) must’ve tossed half his tub of popcorn at the screen whenever one of the more annoying female students opened her mouth (which seemed like every four seconds). I have to tell you, folks—if not for the entertainment provided my fellow suburban grindhouse maniacs, I doubt I could’ve made it to the end of this thing.

BUT alas, when Black Claw finally gets his minion to go ballistic, the blood beings to spurt like soda from a shaken can: one poor guy has an arrow shot right through his eyeball from about 10 feet away, while another poor sucker becomes a human pin cushion from a hail of them. Living up to its title, SCALPS contains a couple of graphic scalping scenes, one comparable to Tom Savini’s work on the classic MANIAC (1980). Sadly, that was the only believable effect: one scene (that had the audience audibly gagging) features another poor victim having her throat slashed in a tight close up, then she gets scalped, causing one of the goriest kills of the early 80s (although it doesn’t look as convincing as the FX team had hoped for). So in retrospect, yeah, the last third of this one is a gorehound’s delight … although those gorehounds best be prepared to deal with some terrible acting, sloppy effects, and an ending that still has me scratching my head.

As mentioned, SCALPS was released on VHS in a double feature with a film titled THE SLAYER (while I didn’t see that one theatrically, I did watch the video and am beyond thankful I missed its cinematic release—if it even had one). For the curious, SCALPS is available on DVD, a format that mercifully allows viewers to scan directly to the good stuff.

Sometimes, being a pre-DVD child of the 80s wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

For generic, bad acting, sloppy effects, plotless slasher film completists only! (OH YEAH—there’s also a cameo by FAMOUS MONSTERS OF FILMLAND icon Forrest J. Ackerman. Go figure).

The Spirit of BLACK CLAW compels you!

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Suburban Grindhouse Memories: SUPERSTITION (1985)

Posted in 1980s Horror, 2012, Exorcism Movies, Gore!, Grindhouse, Nick Cato Reviews, Slasher Movies, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Supernatural, Witches with tags exorcism, gore, Grindhouse, slasher, Superstition, Witch on May 3, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
Horror Hotel This Isn’t…
By Nick CatoOn a freezing cold Saturday night in January of 1985, I was still reeling from seeing my second Metallica gig at Brooklyn’s famous rock club, L’Amour (at the time no one had a clue they’d eventually become the biggest band in the world) and yet an ad I saw in my local paper a day earlier kept gnawing at my brain. SUPERSTITION came out with no TV commercials and, as far as I recall, no mentions in any of the horror magazines or fanzines at the time. And most alluring of all, it was released unrated. So I attempted to get my hearing back as I entered the (now defunct) Fox Twin Cinema, one of Staten Island’s best venues for exploitation films.

I had to laugh during the opening sequence: a couple of teenagers attempted to pull a prank on a couple who are making out near some abandoned-looking house. They both get deep sixed by an unseen killer, and I wondered why the film had a supernatural title if this was just another slasher flick.

Well, it isn’t a slasher flick per se. As we soon learn, this abandoned house—that’s actually being remodeled to house a minister and his family—had been cursed three hundred years earlier by a witch who used to live there. In flashbacks, we learn the local priest discovered this witch was in league with Satan himself (I believe it’s even said she was Satan’s daughter), and, as punishment, drowns her in a pond behind the house. Now being HORROR HOTEL (1960) is one of my all-time favorite horror films, I was already put-off by SUPERSTITION’s rip-off plot. But what redeems this Canadian production is its kill scenes: I’m guessing even though the killer here is supernatural, the producers thought it would be smart to cater to the (then) popular slasher crowd and off victims in gory and inventive ways. I still don’t think this film needed to be unrated, as there were many R-rated films released before this that were much more graphic (1980’s insanely brutal DON’T GO IN THE BASEMENT and MOTHER’S DAY—both released with an R rating—make SUPERSTITION look like a kiddie show). Go figure.

So, judging by some groans heard around the theater, it was apparent we were aware we weren’t in for a deep story. There were several things brought up during the film that are never resolved, but when a working circular saw comes unhinged from its base and flies into a young minister’s chest, spinning so fast that it goes through him, as well as the chair he’s pinned to, everyone cheered, realizing we’d at least be in for a fun splatter-fest.

While there’s plenty of violence in SUPERSTITION, much of it takes place off camera and we see the aftermath. Perhaps this is how the FX crew saved some money? Either way, many of the kills are still effective, if not disappointing to a mainly teenaged, blood-hungry-crowd.

My favorite scenes are when a cute young girl kept showing up out of nowhere, dressed in a clean white dress, giving some kind of psychobabble warnings about the house to the Reverend. It’s never explained who this girl is, and between some of the inventive kill scenes not many of us really cared. Some other fun, splattery goodness includes some poor sap being cut in half by a falling window and a head exploding via microwave (those at the beginning of the film) and another unlucky lady gets a thick spike to the ol’ noggin. Jason Vorhees himself would’ve been impressed with some of the stuff this old witch comes up with…

In one flashback sequence, there’s an exorcism performed on the witch by the accusing priest that’s quite convincing. For a change, the witch’s deep-growl possessed voice doesn’t sound too goofy, and for whatever rare reason the scene didn’t remind me of THE EXORCIST (1973), and not just because it takes place three hundred years ago.

SUPERSTITION was a decent time at the movies, if nothing ground-breaking, and all these years later I have yet to revisit it on video. I’m wondering if it holds up as a fun gore-fest? Perhaps it’ll show up on cable one of these nights and I’ll see. And if not, I’m happy enough with my one-time viewing, alongside a bunch of cheering, popcorn-throwing suburban grindhouse fanatics. For 80s gore-hounds only. All others, see HORROR HOTEL.

NOTHING good ever comes from sticking your head in a microwave…

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KILL LIST (2011)

Posted in 2012, Bad Situations, British Horror, Disturbing Cinema, Hit Men, Killers, LL Soares Reviews, Murder!, Surprises!, Twist Endings, VIOLENCE! with tags Ben Wheatley, Disturbing Films, gore, hit men, Kill List, Michael Smiley, Neil Maskell, twist endings on March 6, 2012 by knifefighter

KILL LIST (2011)
Movie Review by L.L. Soares

Sometimes you find a movie that you don’t know a lot about, and you go in fresh, and it completely blows you away.

This doesn’t happen very often. With this age of media oversaturation, it’s almost impossible not to see the trailer for a movie a hundred times before it opens—not to mention countless ads on television. But every once in a while a little independent film, usually showing in a limited-run at an arthouse theater, slips through the cracks. You hear the buzz about it, and without too much effort you can avoid finding out too much about the plot, and you can have a fresh experience. Like I said, this is rare. The last time I felt this way about a movie was back in 1999, when Takashi Miike’s AUDITION had a very limited theatrical run (the theater I saw it in had it for two days!). I’d heard it was supposed to be good, but I avoided any reviews of it, and was amazed and surprised by it.

Well, sitting through KILL LIST was a very similar experience. It is nothing like Miike’s film, but it has been getting some buzz in the independent horror movie scene, and I was able to avoid reading too much about it, which is good, because it’s one of those movies that throws a few curveballs at you in ways M. Night Shymalan only wishes he could do. (Note: KILL LIST was made in 2011, but some people are only seeing it in the U.S. now, thanks to limited theatrical runs and services like OnDemand cable.Personally, I’m glad I got a chance to see it on the big screen.)

When it started, I thought maybe this one wasn’t going to live up to its buzz. It seemed like just another drama about British working people enduring hard times. Jay (Neil Maskell) has been out of work for months and his wife, Shel (MyAnna Buring) is getting more resentful with each passing day. Enter Jay’s buddy Gal (Michael Smiley) who comes over for dinner with his new girlfriend, Fiona (Emma Fryer) for some wine and chat, but the party turns ugly when Jay and Shel start screaming at each other in the other room. Meanwhile, their young son Sam (Harry Simpson) is taking the brunt of it all.

But things change when Gal offers Jay a chance to get his old job back. The two of them are veterans of the Iraq War and here’s where the first big story twist happens. It turns out that the two of them started freelancing as hired killers after the war ended. Jay has been out of work for a bit because of some mysterious mistake he made in Kiev (we never find out exactly what it was, but it must have been a doosy). But Jay gets a second chance and Gal seems genuinely happy to work with him again, “The Two Musketeers are back together,” as Gal puts it. They accept a job from an enigmatic man (Struan Rodger, who in the credits is simply referred to as “The Client”), who hands them money and a list of three people to kill, including a priest and a librarian. However, to seal the deal, the Client feels the need to take out a knife and make a deep cut in Jay’s hand, then proceeds to do the same to himself. Gal freaks out and pulls out his gun, but Jay seems able to overlook it and move on, even though he’s bleeding all over the carpet. Maybe he’s just happy to be working again and doesn’t want to blow it.

The people Jay and Gal are sent to whack are particularly unsavory types whose crimes shock and offend Jay, and he begins to take the job a little too personally, going after their accomplices as well. Gal starts to worry Jay is going to screw up again, and begins to seriously question the new partnership. Meanwhile Swedish beauty Shel decides to take their son and move out of the house to stay in a cabin they have in the country, leaving Jay alone to stew in his own rage.

It’s the final person Jay and Gal go to snuff that takes the movie in a completely unexpected direction. And about this twist I won’t say anything more, except that it reminded me a lot of two horror “classics,” one from the 1970s and the other much more recent. Needless to say, the ending is suitably disturbing.

The script is top-notch and the acting is equally good. You believe these characters are genuine people, and you care about them. I thought the camaraderie between Jay and Gal was especially good; these guys really do seem like best friends. The budget is clearly small, but director Ben Wheatley turns out a remarkable product all the same. Oh yeah, and there’s plenty of the red stuff for fans of gore. This is a movie that doesn’t look away when the rough stuff is happening. One scene involving a hammer is especially gruesome.

My only issue is that I couldn’t understand everything the characters said. In a few scenes, their Yorkshire accents get a bit thick, and I kind of wish the movie had given us some subtitles (which reminds me of another good but sometimes hard to understand movie, Gary Oldman’s NIL BY MOUTH, 1997). Don’t let this scare you off, though. You’ll get sucked in just the same and it’s pretty clear what’s happening at all times. You just might not catch a phrase here and there.

I’ve seen a few Hollywood movies lately where at the end, the audience feels the need to applaud. Most of the time, this is totally unwarranted (most Hollywood movies these days just aren’t that good). Besides, the people involved in making the movie can’t hear you anyway. But at the end of KILL LIST I wanted to applaud anyway. It was that good.

I can’t praise this one enough. I give it four and a half knives.

L.L. Soares gives KILL LIST ~ four and a half knives!

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Cinema Knife Fight: THE UH-OH SHOW! (2009)

Posted in 2011, Campy Movies, Cinema Knife Fights, Dark Comedies, Gore!, Herschell Gordon Lewis Films, Horror DVDs, TV Shows, VIOLENCE! with tags Brooke McCarter, Campy, cinema knife fight, Fred Finagler, gore, Grim Fairy Tales, Herschell Gordon Lewis, Nevada Caldwell, Uh Oh Show on November 23, 2011 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: THE UH-OH SHOW (2009)
By L.L. Soares and Nick Cato

(THE SCENE: The set of a game show, with a live studio audience. People are screaming and shouting in their seats as NICK CATO comes out from behind a curtain and stands before the crowd)

NICK CATO: Today’s movie deserves a little background. Hit it, Billy Cyclops!

(The lights dim down and a projection screen lights up with images from old horror movies)

NC: Herschell Gordon Lewis is the epitome of “Love Him or Hate Him.” He is responsible for the world’s first gore film (1963’s BLOOD FEAST) and directed over forty other exploitation and horror films from the late 1950s through the early 70s. He took a break after his last film of that period, THE GORE-GORE GIRLS (1972), to become a successful author of books for the advertising world (to date he has written over thirty-five). A much-requested speaker at motivational business conferences, Lewis once again gained fame for his exploitation films during the 1980s video revolution. His fan base became so large that in 2002, he got back together with old friend/producer (the late) David Friedman and made BLOOD FEAST 2: ALL U CAN EAT, the long-awaited sequel to his notorious classic.

(The audience “oohs” and “aahhs” as scenes of laughable gore effects splash across the screen)

NC: And now, Lewis has unleashed his latest celluloid atrocity, THE UH-OH SHOW. Released in 2009, the film played the festival and convention circuits for two years before finally coming to home video just this past August.

(The lights come back on to reveal that L.L. SOARES is now also on the stage, wearing a cowboy hat and clown make-up. The audience hoots and boos at him)

L.L. SOARES: Aw shut up, you ingrates! How much did you pay for the ticket to get in here? Nothing! So stop your belly-aching!

(NC shows the crowd his WIZARD OF GORE tattoo as LS drinks from a large glass of Guinness)

LS: Okay, okay, we get it. You’re a huge fan of Herschell Gordon Lewis. So am I. Which is why we’re doing this one together. Let’s see if the old master still has what it takes.

NC: I’ve been fascinated with Herschell Gordon Lewis since reading about him in the fourth issue of FANGORIA magazine. My old man even saw BLOOD FEAST down in Georgia in 1963, a couple of weeks before he went to Korea with the Army. I guess you can say Lewis’s films have been hereditarily handed down to me.

LS: Yeah, BLOOD FEAST is a real classic of its kind. No argument there.

NC: I was happy to see BLOOD FEAST 2 when it was released, although it was on a DVD. I had asked David Friedman at a Chiller convention in New Jersey how Herschell managed to make all the girls look like it was still the 1960s, to which he answered, “Beats me!” I thought it was a fun enough sequel, packed with plenty of classic Lewis-splatter and goofiness, although I thought Jackie Kong’s unofficial 1987 sequel, BLOOD DINER, was a much better film.

LS: I dunno, I’m on the fence about BLOOD DINER. Sure, it’s a homage to Herschell, but it’s a little too silly for my tastes. One thing about Herschell’s best, early films are that they took themselves totally seriously, which is why they were so cool. It was the effects and the bad acting that made them kind of funny, but it wasn’t until later in his career that he started to serve the gore with a wink, and that wink turned into a spasmatic eyeball! If only he’d stuck with the serious approach!

(Audience “boos” LS again)

LS: Aw shuttup, you pack of mangy dogs!

NC: I had been reading for years that Lewis’s next film was going to be titled GRIM FAIRY TALES, a collection of short, gory films based on Grimm’s classic stories. So when I heard he had changed the premise to a violent game show, I had no idea what the ‘ol Wiz was up to. When the title THE UH-OH SHOW was announced, my initial reaction was Lewis must be going for an all-out comedy. How about you?

LS: I’d heard the rumors about GRIM FAIRY TALES, too, and I have to admit, I wasn’t that excited. Sure, it would be cool to see another new movie by the Wizard of Gore himself, but something about fairy tales didn’t really grab me. When I heard the movie’s title was changed and it was about a violent game show instead, this actually sounded better to me. I couldn’t wait to see it. Of course, it took two whole years for it to finally get a decent DVD release.

NC: THE UH-OH SHOW deals with a televised game show (on a basic cable channel) that gains popularity due to its unusual angle: contestants who answer their questions wrong are forced to spin the “Wheel of Misfortune,” and whatever body part the spinner lands on is then cut off. In classic 2,000 MANIACS (1964) style, the first contestant loses her arm, then one guy is decapitated, all by THE UH-OH SHOW’s evil henchman, “Radial Saw Rex,” a scary-looking black guy with a huge portable chop saw. More bloody mayhem ensues, although most of it is as unconvincing as most of Lewis’s classic films.

The best scenes of the movie take place on a super gory game show called THE UH-OH SHOW.

LS: Yeah, but back in those classic films, Herschell was trying to make real horror flicks. Now he’s making pure camp. The thing is, however, I really liked the concept of THE UH-OH SHOW. A game show where contestants lose their limbs and other body parts is actually a brilliant idea. Even though it was a more comedic film right from the get-go, I bought this one right away and was really digging the game show scenes. Unfortunately, there’s a lot more going on in this movie, and it’s not all good.

NC: You bet! Lead bad guy Fred Finagler (played by Joel D. Wyknoop) says most of his lines obnoxiously loud, making him neither funny or frightening, but just plain laughable (and not in a good way). The majority of the cast are Florida locals, including star/UH-OH SHOW host Brooke McCarter, who does an okay job here, although the Oscars won’t be calling him anytime soon. Female lead Nevada Caldwell hands in a decent performance as reporter Jill Burton, and there are a few local model/strippers as the show’s VannaWhite-ish co-hosts. A cameo is even made by Floridian horror authors Jeff Strand and Lynne Hansen, but you’d better keep your eyes peeled or you’ll miss ‘em!

LS: See, I liked Brooke McCarter as the show’s host, Jackie, a lot. I thought he was suitably smarmy and pretty good in the role. I liked his sexy cohorts as well, especially Krista Grotte as “Champagne.” It was when the movie veered away from the game show that I started to get disappointed. The game show was so cool – why ruin it? Once that annoying Fred Finagler took center stage, I thought the movie went downhill, which is too bad. That said, I also liked Nevada Caldwell as reporter Jill Burton, too. She reminded me a lot of H.G. Lewis’s strong female characters from his 70s films like Nancy Weston (Amy Farrell) from 1972’s THE GORE GORE GIRLS and reporter Sherry Carson (Judy Cler) from 1970’s THE WIZARD OF GORE. The way she looked, the way she acted, Caldwell was another in a long line of Lewis’s classic heroines.

And I have to admit, it was kind of fun to see Jeff Strand and Lynne Hansen in this one. They’re friends of ours and it must have been a real thrill for them to appear in a Herschell Gordon Lewis film, even if it’s not one of his better efforts.

NC: The film takes a turn when a major network requests a spin-off. The show ends up being called GRIM FAIRY TALES, hence tying in what us Lewis geeks had been reading about for so long. And while these quick fairy tale clips are entertaining, they lack the humor that could’ve been expanded on THE UH-OH SHOW itself.

LS: This plot twist makes absolutely NO SENSE. They’ve got a hit game show. So they go on another network and instead of doing another violent game show, which is what people obviously want, they do a fairy tale show where that annoying corporate slimebag,Fred Finagler, with his sidekick Coco (Lauren Schmier), reads from a book while horror versions of fairy tales are reenacted. What do fairy tales have to do with a game show? Looks to me like Herschell might have started making GRIM FAIRY TALES, stopped half-way through, and then combined that story with THE UH-OH SHOW for some bizarre reason. The two plots have absolutely nothing in common except for Fred and Coco. And if there was a real UH-OH SHOW, and I was a fan (which I probably would be), I’d be pretty annoyed if my show went off the air and was replaced by a lame fairy tale show!

(Audience cheers)

LS: It’s about time you people got smart! You know I’m right about this!

NC: You’re theory isn’t that far-fetched. For those new to Lewis, several of his films feature pieced-together segments from other films, admitted filler, and all kinds of stuff that scare mainstream audiences away. But those were a product of the time, minimal budgets, and Lewis’s gung-ho attitude to get a film produced and out for public consumption as quickly as possible.

With the UH-OH SHOW, it’s apparent Lewis flung things together as quickly as he always has, although there’s far less thought put into things this time around. And there’s a patronizing aura throughout (especially when Herschell himself appears, telling stories to a group of young kids) that mocks the intended audience (I’m hoping this wasn’t intentional). If I hadn’t met Lewis a few times and can honestly say that he’s a GREAT guy, I would have been quite aggravated about this. But I’m guessing Lewis did this for fun AND for his legion of fans. I just wish it wasn’t so painfully . . . unfunny.

LS: I don’t know, I kind of liked the beginning of the film where “Uncle Herschell” tells stories to the kids. Sure, it was hokey, but I was just happy to see one of my favorite directors onscreen, and it was a lot more entertaining than the GRIM FAIRY TALES show-within-the-movie later on. If you want to talk about unfunny, how about Troma Head Honcho Lloyd Kaufman’s totally unfunny cameo in the middle of the film as a pimp. While I like some Troma films, it’s that wink-wink sensibility that Troma is famous for that is the downfall of movies like THE UH-OH SHOW.

NC: And despite THE UH-OH SHOW’s wild premise, the whole thing is just soooooo boring.

LS: I hate to say it, but I kind of agree with you there. Like I said before, when they lose interest in the game show concept and go on to other things, that’s when I kind of lost interest in the movie.

NC: I guess we can’t explain what it is about Herschell Gordon Lewis that so many of us low-budget film freaks love so much. But THE UH-OH SHOW isn’t a good example of why we do. The gruesome nature of BLOOD FEAST (1963) and THE GORE-GORE GIRLS (1972), the surreal experimentation of SOMETHING WEIRD (1967), and the combo of gruesome and surreal found in THE WIZARD OF GORE (1970), are much better places to start if anyone is interested in seeing what all the fuss is about. Or better yet, check out Frank Henenlotter’s recent documentary, HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS: THE GODFATHER OF GORE (2010) for a concise, comprehensive view of the director’s entire career.

LS: Considering how old Herschell is, it’s a wonder he’s still making films at all. So I find myself not wanting to be too hard on this one.

NC: I don’t know. While it’s always exciting to hear about a new Lewis film, the disappointing UH-OH SHOW only made me yearn for the glory days of the Godfather of Gore. It saddens me, but I give it half a knife.

LS: I swear, if they’d stuck with the game show premise, I might have really enjoyed this one. But this movie is all over the place, and when it turns completely silly half-way through, I found myself getting bummed out. When you like a director as much as Nick and I like Herschell, you want the guy to hit a home run every time he makes a movie. But no such luck. It saddens me as well. I give it one knife.

But if you’re a hardcore Herschell fan, you might want to check it out anyway, just because the man just doesn’t make movies very often anymore. At least there were some scenes I liked about this one. I just wish it had stayed focused and stuck to one plot.

NC: Oh well, it looks like we’re done.

(RADIAL SAW REX suddenly bursts onto the stage, chasing NC and LS with his giant power saw. The audience shouts and screams as a spray of blood shoots out at them, and the curtain goes down.)

THE END

L.L. Soares gives THE UH-OH SHOW! ~ one knife

Nick Cato gives THE UH-OH SHOW! ~ half a knife

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Suburban Grindhouse Memories: Lucio Fulci’s THE GATES OF HELL

Posted in 1980s Horror, 2011, Cult Movies, Demons, Gore!, Italian Horror, Lucio Fulci, Nick Cato Reviews, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Zombies with tags Gates of Hell, gore, Grindhouse, Italian Horror, Lucio Fulci, Zombies on October 6, 2011 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
You’ll PUKE Your Guts Out!
By Nick Cato

During the spring of 1983, a black and white version of the poster seen above graced the film sections of NYC newspapers. While it didn’t take much to get us horror fans into the theater, it was even easier when a film came out UNRATED and was directed by some Italian guy only a handful of us had heard about. Remember, this was still the age of no Internet. The only sources of horror news came through FANGORIA magazine and, for a select chosen few, a small network of crudely-made underground horror film fanzines.

I had missed Lucio Fulci’s ZOMBIE (1979) when it hit American shores during the summer of 1980, and was tired of hearing people rave over how wonderfully disgusting it was. But three years later, here was another one from the same director with an equally as creepy ad campaign. To say I was psyched was putting it mildly (I later found out GATES had been released in 1980 in Italy, a year after ZOMBIE premiered there.).

Thankfully, THE GATES OF HELL opened at the (now defunct) Amboy Twin Cinemas, the easiest theater in all of NY’s five boroughs to get into if you were underage. And despite being UNRATED, the Amboy Twin still allowed me and my gang of pimple-faced freshman gore geeks to march right in on opening night.

Let’s back-track one more time: Everything about this film gave the theater itself an uneasy aura: from it’s startling title (that I still prefer over its official DVD release as CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD, as well as over twenty other international titles) to it’s threatening blurb at the bottom of its poster (“This film contains scenes which may be considered shocking. No one under 17 admitted.”). A brief NYC television ad even featured a Catholic priest slipping a noose around his neck as a luminous voice said “The gates of HELL are about to be opened!” In other words, there was no bootleg VHS copies available, no Pay-Per View previews on cable TV… just good, old-school advertising and a short & sweet trailer I’ve been trying to track down since the night I saw it on late night television. If memory serves right, even FANGORIA didn’t run pictures until AFTER the film had been in theaters.

While, at the time, none of us saw Fulci as the gore-god he would soon become known as, it was evident the guy wasn’t playing with even half a deck: I can’t recall any other film featuring a zombie apocalypse caused by a priest hanging himself. Well, maybe it wasn’t an apocalypse per se, as all the action took place in a small town.

The strong point of GATES is its constant sense of dread. As soon as the suicidal priest does his business, supernatural-type zombies began to appear all over the small town of Dunwich, ripping out unsuspecting people’s brains, shown in gooey, graphic detail that would become any gorehound’s glory. And just WHY this dead priest caused the dead to rise is anyone’s guess (if you’ve never seen a Lucio Fulci film, logic is rarely—if ever—something to bother looking for). But the audience and myself really didn’t CARE why, as we were having too much fun watching zombies rip out brains, and others become possessed: one poor woman begins to cry blood before puking her guts up (literally) in what seemed like a five-minute sequence. While I actually laughed as this happened, due to the ultra-fake looking teeth during the close-up, most of the audience screamed and gasped, causing me to laugh harder. But any laughs had during this cheap-looking effect were made up for in BUCKETS over the film’s most infamous sequence.

The mentally-challenged Bob (played by the soon-to-be Euro-cult film icon Giovanni Lombardo Radice) is thrown onto a table by his father. On the table is a stationary power drill, which Bob’s head is slowly—ever so slowly—pushed onto. The camera doesn’t cut away. The theater freaked out. I was glad when I eventually found out Giovanni was making another film as I was CONVINCED they had killed the poor guy for this scene! If you haven’t seen it, it’s arguably one of the most gruesome, realistic special effects ever devised for a film. Hats off to FX artist Gino de Rossi for pulling off one of the greatest gore sequences I ever had the pleasure of witnessing in a theater.

Now, despite all the fun we were having, and despite the non-existent plot (and DO NOT even get me started on the ridiculous, completely pointless ending), what TRULY bothered me about the film was its star, Christopher George, who plays a New York City reporter who, for some reason, is in New England covering the priest suicide story. While it’s true George has starred in numerous horror and exploitation films (most notably 1982’s PIECES and 1980’s THE EXTERMINATOR), I’ve just always had a hard time buying him in any role. Thankfully, the lovely Catriona MacColl co-stars as a psychic who helps him discover what happened the night the priest hung himself at a local cemetery.

THE GATES OF HELL, with its slow-moving first half and horrendous acting, is truly an acquired taste. But once things get underway—and if you’re willing to ignore the fact there’s not much of a story to go with—you just might enjoy this gross, over-the-top splatter-fest from the “legendary” Lucio Fulci. And again, despite a few people attempting to explain the ending to me over the years…trust me: IT MAKES NO SENSE!

With all his flaws, I truly miss Fulci and his few films I was lucky enough to see during the Golden Age of the Splatter Films.

And THE GATES OF HELL was one of his better efforts.

Bob (Giovanni Lombardo Radice) at the start of one of the most grueling sequences in horror film history.

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NIGHTMARE! Finally On DVD!

Posted in 1980s Horror, 2011, Drive-in Movies, DVD Review, Gore!, Grindhouse, Italian Horror, Nick Cato Reviews, Psychos, Slasher Movies, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, VIOLENCE! with tags Baird Stafford, Code Red, gore, Nightmare, Ramano Scavolini, slasher on August 11, 2011 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
FINALLY! The Wait is OVER…
By Nick Cato

Most (if not all) of my faithful readers are sick and tired of hearing me go on about the 1981 slasher film NIGHTMARE (a.k.a. NIGHTMARES IN A DAMAGED BRAIN). I’ve been telling people about it since 1982, when I first saw it on a double bill with MOTHER’S DAY (1980), and I’ve had countless family members and friends sit through my well-worn VHS copy over the years. And yet despite the digital video uprising, a proper DVD had not been released in America (those with turbo-DVD players had the option to buy a British DVD that has been on the market for several years). Enter CODE RED DVD, a specialty DVD company who release deluxe editions of rare and seldom-seen horror, action, and comedy films. Since 2007, CODE RED had been promising a DVD of NIGHTMARE, and due to too many factors to discuss here, it was continually placed on their back burner. We die-hard fans visited CODE RED’s blog nearly every day, awaiting word, and were occasionally teased with pictures and info of the coming DVD extras.

AT LONG LAST: on July 26^th of this year, NIGHTMARE was finally released in a 2-disc package that has already become as controversial as the film itself (sorry about the plug, but for a full review of the film, see my chapter in the book BUTCHER KNIVES AND BODY COUNTS— to be released shortly from Dark Scribe Press).

Before I get to the DVD review, newcomers should know that NIGHTMARE is a generic slasher film. It’s low budget, features some less than stellar acting, and has a sequence or two of gabbing and walking around that the editors should’ve cut in half. But what set NIGHTMARE apart from other “psycho-leaves-nuthouse-too-early” films is its grueling tone, its over-the-top splatter scenes (how this was released with an R rating is anyone’s guess), and an amazing performance by star Baird Stafford, who portrays George Tatum, a killer haunted by a vicious murder he committed at a young age.

NIGHTMARE instantly made the UK’s “Video Nasty” list, and there was much controversy over who was responsible for the disgusting special effects (there’s a few extras on this DVD that deal with the Tom Savini-issue…if you haven’t heard about this, Google it— or better yet, get the DVD).

Before I sat down to review this DVD, I read what some fans were saying about it and was surprised to see so much arguing. Some praised the three (yep—three!) transfers of the film included here, while others claim CODE RED did a sloppy job with all of them. I watched the entire film in its newest transfer (a 2011 telecine), which looked fine to me. I then scanned through certain scenes on the 2008 high definition transfer and the 2005 “corrected telecine transfer approved by director Romano Scavolini.” To be honest, there are differences, but I’m not one of those “VIDEO WATCHDOG” anal-retentive film inspectors who spends countless hours deciding if someone’s toe made it into a certain frame or not: to me they ALL look good, and I’m just happy to have this film preserved on a digital edition (hence, if YOU’RE an anal-retentive DVD freak, go check out the arguments happening on Amazon.com and various message boards. Life’s too short for this nonsense, in my opinion).

The DVD itself is a lot of fun: the main menu boards feature moving scenes from the film (although I thought it was a bit too spoiler-ish to show the intense finale on one of these) and each board is easy to navigate (as far as I know there are no “Easter Eggs” here). Among the extras is a VERY informative audio commentary with star Baird Stafford and make-up effects man Cleve Hall. There’s a very nice “Making Of” feature with more from Stafford and Hall, as well as ex-distributor Tom Ward. But perhaps the most sought-after extra here is an interview with special effects maestro Ed French, who gives his side of the Tom Savini story (again, Google this if you’re interested). It’s a bit short, but good. There are also two NIGHTMARE trailers, one that I hadn’t seen before.

NOW, where CODE RED has annoyed some fans: While it’s true that we NIGHTMAREians have haunted Code Red to release this film for years, one of the main reasons (besides financial) was the inability to have a 90-minute interview with the director translated and/or subtitled. Yet the interview is included here in Italian–I’m assuming CODE RED did this to break our chops (and after you see the sarcastic blurbs and synopsis they’ve placed on the front and back of the DVD case, you just might agree). I’m guessing those who aren’t die-hard fans of the film might get pissed off over this…personally, I found it funny. TRUE, I’d like to hear what Romano Scavolini has to say about his only horror film, I guess I’ll have to wait until I can convince my grandmother to come over and translate for me…

Was the wait for this DVD worth it? For me, while someone could’ve released it without all the extras and I’d still be happy, having the aforementioned commentaries and especially the Making Of feature was WELL worth the wait. And although I actually spoke to Tom Savini at a 1985 FANGORIA convention about his involvement with the film, it was nice to hear two other sides of the story (and all three basically mesh).

If you have a cast iron stomach and want to see a gore film that’s actually spooky at times, give NIGHTMARE a shot; aside from the first EVIL DEAD (1982), it’s the one horror film where the splatter actually ADDED to the chills and caused a disturbing atmosphere. I also believe any serious horror film DVD collector should have this seldom-seen gem in their collection (while they still can).

Now let me see what grandma is up to…

George Tatum (Baird Stafford) dons a creepy old man mask, then checks to see if anyone's home in NIGHTMARE (1981).

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CKF on the Edge: HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN

Posted in 2011, CKF On the Edge, Dark Comedies, Extreme Movies, Gore!, Grindhouse, LL Soares Reviews, Vigilantes, VIOLENCE! with tags Brian Downey, gore, Grindhouse, Hobo with a Shotgun, Jason Eisener, Molly Dunsworth, Rutger Hauer, Sleazy on May 24, 2011 by knifefighter

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN (2011)
Movie review by L.L. Soares

When Rutger Hauer first appears, riding a train car into town, in HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, you have no idea how much of a wild ride you’re in for. Unless you know the movie’s backstory. Back in 2007, the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez team-up flick GRINDHOUSE was making the rounds, bringing back the movie double-feature and the spirit of the 1970s grindhouses. Part of the package was a bunch of fake trailers for totally insane movies. The funny thing is, some of these have been made into actual films. The first was Rodriguez’s MACHETE (2010). Now, we’ve got HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN. If you don’t remember seeing that particular trailer when you saw GRINDHOUSE, it’s because the trailer only played in the Canadian version. But it’s been a Youtube sensation since.

The beginning has a real 1970s vibe, from the music to the time-worn weariness of Hauer’s face in that boxcar. But that changes fast. I was kind of hoping for a homage to 70s vigilante flicks like DEATH WISH (1974) and WALKING TALL (1973), but HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN has more in common with those over-the-top Troma films of the 80s. In a way, I was sad to see it get so bizarre and unreal so quickly, in another way, it never stopped being a fun flick. And a big part of that is Hauer’s performance. You can tell this is a man who used to be an A-list actor, since fallen on hard times, just like that Hobo.

So Rutger Hauer walks into town, and finds himself in the middle of hell. The first person he sees is a guy filming bum fights, offering Hauer a ten dollar bill to join in. People openly brutalize other people in the streets, and the proceedings are lorded over by the town kingpin, Drake, who turns all this carnage into a kind of reality show. When someone crosses him, he puts a manhole cover around their necks, drops them into an open sewer, and then decapitates them using a barbed wire noose and the fender of a speeding car or motorcycle. His thug sons hold guns on the onlookers, demanding they applaud the goings-on.

This sounds awful grim on paper (or on a computer screen), but it’s played so over-the-top that it’s downright cartoony (is that Troma honcho Lloyd Kaufman I see among the bystanders?), and that’s kind of what saves this film from being a complete downer.

The Hobo is one of the witnesses to “The Drake Show” and he is horrified by the utter anarchy that surrounds him. This is even worse than the Wild West. Anyone can die at any time, and many do. The majority of the populace are so horrified, they don’t lift a finger to stop things, and most of the police force are on Drake’s payroll.

The Hobo has a dream. He is going to buy a lawnmower at a local pawn shop. He is going to start his own business and stop traveling the rails. He is going to settle down and make a home for himself. What the hell is this guy thinking? This is not the kind of place where you settle down!

After being brutalized himself, and saving the life of a prostitute, who almost becomes another casualty at the hands of Drake’s son Slick (the other son, Ivan, is a complete idiot muscleboy who gets high on hurting people), the Hobo decides to fight back. Instead of that lawn-mower, he buys a shotgun on the wall for the same price. And then he goes about using it.

He starts to make news. He’s single-handedly starting to clean up this hellhole. One man begins to make a difference. Drake is so infuriated he first declares it open season on homeless people, hoping to get rid of the Hobo, then he hires a couple of metal-clad killers who call themselves The Plague to finish things (they look like two low-rent Iron Man wannabes).

The performances are actually pretty good for this kind of thing. I already sang the praises of Hauer, who is pretty much the main reason HOBO exists. Throughout this movie, I found myself wondering why we don’t see him more in big budget Hollywood pictures. He’s certainly good enough.

Brian Downey as the evil Drake is a force of nature. This is a role that is pretty one-dimensionally evil, and could be annoying, but Downey is just terrific. He pretty much steals every scene he’s in, and is a lot of fun, in his own psychotic way. A movie villain can make or break a movie like this, and Downey does his part to make HOBO work.

Molly Dunsworth, as the hooker Abby, is also pretty good. She’s the one Hauer’s hobo decides to protect, and while their relationship isn’t really a romantic one, she makes you believe that Hauer would be so concerned about her welfare. And when the going gets tough, she’s not afraid to help with the fighting.

Director Jason Eisener (with a script he wrote with John Davies and Rob Cotterill), took a simple concept, originally meant to be a joke, and turned it into an entertaining feature film. It’s not a great work of art, but it’s not meant to be. It’s a lot of gore and violence and vengeance, and we’ve seen this kind of thing before, but somehow, it works, in the same way that over-the-top gore cartoons that have been coming out of Japan lately, like TOKYO GORE POLICE and MACHINE GIRL (both from 2008) work. Live-action cartoons where anything can happen, and the camera lens gets splashed with blood a few times along the way.

If you’re into this kind of thing, then you’ll dig HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN. It’s like eating your dessert before dinner, but don’t expect it to have much in the way of nutrients. If this sounds pretty awful to you, then just avoid it. It’s not meant for you, anyway.

Me, I give it three knives.

Note: HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN has been playing some film festivals around the country and is currently available on cable OnDemand in some cities. I’m not sure if it will get an actual theatrical release or if it will go straight to DVD.

Rutger Hauer is mad as hell in HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN.

LL Soares gives HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN – 3 knives