Archive for george romero

Screaming Streaming Looks at NIGHTMARES IN RED, WHITE, AND BLUE: THE EVOLUTION OF THE AMERICAN HORROR FILM (2009)

Posted in 2012, Documentary, George Romero, Horror Movies, John Carpenter Films, Michael Arruda Reviews, Monsters, Movie History, Screaming Streaming with tags , , , , , on July 4, 2012 by knifefighter

SCREAMING STREAMING!
Movie Review:  NIGHTMARES IN RED, WHITE, AND BLUE:  THE EVOLUTION OF THE AMERICAN HORROR FILM (2009)
By Michael Arruda

Let’s shake things up a bit and look at a documentary for a change.

NIGHTMARES IN RED, WHITE, AND BLUE:  THE EVOLUTION OF THE AMERICAN HORROR FILM (2009) is a documentary directed by Andrew Monument and written by Joseph Maddrey, that examines American horror movies from the silent era up to the 2000s. It’s now available on Streaming Video.

The film definitely takes a psychological and sociological approach to looking at American horror movies. It attempts to explain why Americans love horror movies so much, what the filmmakers were trying to say with their movies, and how horror movies are tied into the times in which they were made.

NIGHTMARES begins with the silent horror movies of the 1920s, and it makes the argument that horror movies of the 1920s, especially the films of Lon Chaney Sr.,  were interested in deformities because after World War I soldiers were returning home maimed and injured, often without limbs, and these injuries were a large part of the American consciousness.

Horror in the 1930s picked up steam and most of the horror movies made during this decade, specifically the Universal monster movies, were true classics of the genre. These movies struck a chord with audiences and heavily influenced future filmmakers. I loved the comment made in one of the interviews about why boys loved the Wolf Man, because he was the perfect adolescent and they related to his problems:  he got hairy and lost control of his emotions. Yep, the Wolf Man does remind me of some teenagers I know.

The movie argues that horror was toned down in the 1940s because of the real-life horrors of World War II and the Holocaust. Budgets were reduced as well, and people like Val Lewton had to do more with less, and as a result he made his movies much more artistic.

Into the 1950s the movies reflected Americans’ fears of the Cold War and atomic bombs, and thus we had giant atomic monsters like TARANTULA (1955) and the giant ants in THEM!  (1954). Americans also feared UFOs, which gave us movies about alien invasions like THE WAR OF THE WORLDS (1953), INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1956) , and THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD (1951).

Alfred Hitchcock changed things with PSYCHO (1960), and suddenly audiences had to expect the unexpected, such as lead characters getting killed early in the movie, and the most sympathetic character in the whole movie turning out to be the villain. As the 1960s went on and the United States became bogged down in the Vietnam War and race riots at home, films like NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) emerged, mirroring the horror and disillusionment Americans were feeling at home.

In the 1970s, horror went through a movie boom again, with films like THE EXORCIST (1973) and JAWS (1975). As a big budget movie, JAWS  made horror mainstream, and had it been made in the 1950s it would have simply been a B movie.

In the 1980s, NIGHTMARES covers George Romero’s zombies and some of John Carpenter’s movies. It was interesting to listen to Carpenter as he explained that he made THEY LIVE (1988) out of anger and frustration with the Reagan administration.

NIGHTMARES definitely runs out of steam as it moves into the 1990s and 2000s, and only briefly  covers the movies from this period, with  fleeting mentions of THE SIXTH SENSE (1999, )and THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999), the SAW movies and HOSTEL (2005).

The film was narrated by Lance Henriksen, and he does a good job, as his voice is a natural fit for the subject matter. Some of the people interviewed in the movie include Larry Cohen, Joe Dante, John Carpenter, George Romero, and Roger Corman, among others.

NIGHTMARES IN RED, WHITE, AND BLUE:  THE EVOLUTION OF THE AMERICAN HORROR FILM is an enjoyable way to spend an evening, but it does have a couple of drawbacks. Since it covers so many years in just 90 minutes of running time, it moves quickly and never really provides an in-depth look at the movies it covers. As a result, while entertaining, NIGHTMARES IN RED, WHITE, AND BLUE is rather superficial. It might have worked better as a TV series, where the filmmakers could have given the films and the people they interviewed more screen time. Personally, I would have loved to have listened to John Carpenter or George Romero go on for thirty minutes or so.

NIGHTMARES is definitely interested in how American horror movies are connected to American audiences, and how American filmmakers were influenced by their times. Now, this is an interesting angle, but I have to admit, I prefer stories about how the movies were made. I find the historical backgrounds of the people and events behind the movies much more interesting, but that’s not what this documentary is about. You won’t be learning how Willis O’Brien created King Kong, or about the thought processes of James Whale when he made FRANKENSTEIN (1931) and THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935). You won’t hear John Carpenter talk about how he filmed certain scenes in HALLOWEEN (1978).

There really isn’t a whole lot of new information in NIGHTMARES. It’s not an eye opener filled with fascinating facts and tidbits about horror movies. But it does do a good job selling its angle, that American filmmakers and their movies are tied into the American experience. Based on the material presented in the film, I bought this argument.

NIGHTMARES IN RED, WHITE, AND BLUE:  THE EVOLUTION OF THE AMERICAN HORROR FILM is a mildly entertaining documentary on American horror movies, mostly because it contains interviews with some of the greatest horror filmmakers who are still with us today. Hearing what they have to say is always a rewarding experience. But in terms of new or insightful information, especially regarding the older movies, NIGHTMARES is lacking. Sure, you’ll get to see lots of neat film clips and see snippets of neat interviews, but it’s definitely a movie in need of more meat on its bones.

It’s a tasty appetizer rather than a satisfying meal.

—END—

© Copyright 2012 by Michael Arruda

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Nick Cato’s 50th SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES Column!!

Posted in Crime Films, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Grindhouse, Monsters, Devil Movies, Drive-in Movies, Gore!, 70s Horror, Nick Cato Reviews, Blaxploitation, 2012 with tags , , , , , , , on May 17, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
Special 50th Column: “My Grindhouse Wish”
by Nick Cato

Since I’ve spent 99% of this column’s space talking about the experiences I’ve had at my local theaters, I figured I’d take this special 50th installment of SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES to reveal the top ten grindhouse films (that I’ve seen either on TV or video) that I WISH I could’ve seen at a seedy theater or drive-in upon their INITIAL release.  While I enjoyed the following films for a variety of reasons, I’m sure each one of them would’ve been enhanced, surrounded by wise-cracking theater patrons during a scratchy, poorly-focused screening.

10) I think I was about 10 years old the first time I saw DON’T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT (1973) on late night television.  After a surprising opening, the film drags for a good fifteen minutes, then slowly builds to a finale that (at the time) was quite intense.  This underrated gem about lunatics running the asylum is currently being remade, but there’s just no way they’re going to capture the gritty, desolate tone of this low-budget shocker.

9) SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED is an extremely low budget 1974 Yeti thriller that goes in a direction few first-time viewers will see coming.  I saw this on TV for the first time around 1979 and couldn’t get enough.  I’d love to have seen an audience’s reaction to the twist ending.

8) Released in the summer of 1972, I’d love to have been at a rural drive-in when NIGHT OF THE LEPUS first screened.  This incredibly goofy film about giant rabbits attacking Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun, and STAR TREK’s DeForest Kelly must be seen to be believed, and must’ve had the crowds in stitches.  What makes it so good is how serious the filmmakers took the whole thing…

7) Every cult film fan has a favorite Russ Meyer film.  Mine is SUPERVIXEN (1975), which is basically a sexy road trip chase film with a little MANIAC COP thrown in.  But what blew me away was the dazzling editing during an early sequence split between a gas station and an apartment: every film maker should watch this at least once.  There’s a good chance you’ll get dizzy trying to keep up with all the angles and shots.  It’s also genuinely hysterical.

6) There must’ve been something seriously dangerous in the air during the early 70s.  Case in point is 1972’s BLOOD FREAK, about a dope-smoking guy who eats turkey from an experimental turkey farm and is turned into a turkey-headed monster who needs the blood of other drug addicts to survive.  Oh…and it also has a pro-Jesus message and stars Steve Hawkes, who had starred in a few Spanish TARZAN films (got all that?).  I can’t even begin to think what theater-goers must’ve thought of this, but thanks to the lunatics at Something Weird Video, adventurous cinephiles can obtain a deluxe DVD edition loaded with extras.  I’ve watched it too many times to admit…

5) In the late 90s I found a used VHS copy of 1975’s THE BLACK GESTAPO, a film I had never heard of despite being a life-long fan of blaxploitation cinema.  But unlike other films in this subgenre, THE BLACK GESTAPO was just downright nasty and mean-spirited throughout its entire running time: tired of their women being raped by white guys, a group of black men band together and start taking their streets back.  There’s plenty of action, classic dialogue, and violence (including a bathtub castration sequence that pre-dates I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE by four years) to keep any trash-film fan’s interest.  I’d hate to have been the only white guy at a screening of this, but then again it could’ve been a real blast!

4) While the idea behind THE CORPSE GRINDERS (1971) sounds better on paper than it translated to film, this early offering from director Ted V. Mikels is a real piece of cinematic insanity: a floundering pet food company—in an attempt to save money—begin to dig up corpses and grind them into cat food.  In turn, cats start going crazy and attack their owners.  A couple of moronic cops get on the case.  The corpse-grinding machine was made out of a refrigerator box and looks beyond cheesy, yet somehow certain scenes in the graveyard have fantastic atmosphere.  The cat attacks are unconvincing, the acting is horrendous, and I would’ve given anything to have seen this with a group of like-minded film freaks…

3) Since my initial Saturday afternoon TV viewing of SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS (1975), I’ve been hooked: a Satanist (who is also a janitor at a local high school) kidnaps four cheerleaders who get lost on a road trip.  He’s looking to sacrifice one of them in a ritual, but is killed by the Devil when he tries to rape one of them.  A shady couple (the wife played by Yvonne DeCarlo of THE MUNSTERS fame) then attempt to finish the janitor’s job, only to discover one of the cheerleaders is actually a closet witch.  In many ways this is the ULTIMATE 70s exploitation film: cheerleaders, backwoods Satanists, and four of the best looking actresses ever to grace a low budget feature add up to a true guilty pleasure.  This slice of 70s sinema ends with the cheerleaders using their newfound powers to help their football team win!  When I finally found a VHS copy of this sometime in the early 80s, I was surprised to see such a low nudity level (something most grindhouse films rely on), but the sheer nuttiness of this offering from director Greydon (BLACK SHAMPOO) Clark works well, despite its lack of skin.

2) When my family purchased our first VCR in 1983, I immediately ran to our local video store and rented 1963’s BLOOD FEAST, a film I had been reading about in FANGORIA Magazine since their fourth issue.  In the middle of watching it, my dad came home from work and freaked out.  He had seen this at a theater in Georgia a few weeks before he went to Korea with the army.  He told me people—some soldiers—actually passed out during a few of the gore scenes and most of the theater was empty by the time it ended.  NO ONE had seen anything like this at that time, and it was amazing to have first-hand proof that the accounts I had read in FANGORIA were true.  I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like to be in a theater when something so different and ground-breaking was unleashed for the first time.  And being my old man was there, perhaps my love for this stuff was somehow passed through him to me at the time?

1) Despite the ground-breaking nature of BLOOD FEAST, I thought long and hard about what the A-#1 grindhouse film I wish I could’ve seen in a theater should be.  It might seem a bit typical, but I can think of no better film than NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968).  I remember reading an article from film critic Roger Ebert where he recalled his first viewing: a young child sat next to him, hiding his eyes and shaking in total terror, causing Ebert to write, “What kind of a parent drops their kids off at something called NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD?”  I first saw it on late night TV when I was about seven years old, and it’s the main film responsible for my love of the horror genre.  George Romero’s low-budget classic reinvented the zombie film, and, from all accounts that I’ve read, was one of the scariest experiences since 1960’s PSYCHO for many theater-goers.  What more could any fan of grindhouse cinema ask for?

SO there you have it, folks: ten films I wish I could’ve seen in a theater from the “golden age” of the grindhouse film.  Now it’s time for me to stop dreaming and begin searching my fading celluloid memory for the 51st column.  See ‘ya in two weeks!

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

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Me and Lil’ Stevie: CREEPSHOW (1982)

Posted in 1980s Horror, 2012, Anthology Films, Classic Films, Family Secrets, George Romero, Horror-Comedies, Just Plain Fun, Me and Lil' Stevie, Peter Dudar Reviews, Stephen King Movies with tags , , , , , , on January 25, 2012 by knifefighter

Me And Lil’ Stevie

Feel Right at Home at the

CREEPSHOW (1982)

EXTERIOR/NIGHT.

(Establishing shot of a lone house in Late October.  There is a Jack O’lantern burning in the front window.  From inside the house we hear the sounds of a father berating his son for reading comic book-style horror magazines.  Camera pans up at the full moon hanging directly over the house, and then pans downward again at the figure of a frightening, maniacal skeleton lurking about just outside the boy’s bedroom.   The skeleton laughs and waves at the boy in a display of intimate understanding, and then the skeleton lifts its hand and pulls off its costume, revealing underneath a man with a ventriloquist dummy in the form of Master of Horror, Stephen King.)

Lil’ Stevie:  I can’t breathe in this thing!

Peter:  Greetings, and welcome to our latest edition of Me And Lil’ Stevie.  Today we’ll be discussing the 1982 George Romero sleeper hit CREEPSHOW!

Lil’ Stevie:  It was MY hit too, ya know!

Peter: …And since most of you are fans of horror, George Romero needs no introduction, but for the rest of the uninformed heathens, Romero is the mastermind behind the LIVING DEAD zombie series as well as a multitude of other beloved horror gems.

Lil’ Stevie:  Really?  What else has he done?

Peter:  C’mon…you really need to ask?  Romero filmed THE CRAZIES (1979), MARTIN (1976), MONKEY SHINES (1988), and THE DARK HALF (1993), which is also based on a story by Stephen King.

Lil’ Stevie:  So the man’s got some taste!

Peter:  As well as talent and style.  But CREEPSHOW seems to be a stand-out favorite among us horror fans, and for good reason.  Romero and the real Stephen King teamed up specifically on this picture, with a concept for an anthology-style film that celebrated the campy fun of the old E.C. Comics of yesteryear (VAULT OF HORROR, TALES FROM THE CRYPT, etc.).  The result is five independent stories, book-ended by a story concerning the boy above and his stern, overbearing father who doesn’t want him reading trashy horror comic books.  If you didn’t know, the boy in the movie is actually played by King’s real-life son Joe!

Lil’ Stevie:  Who now goes by the name Joe Hill, and writes kick-ass horror stories just like ME!

Peter: You don’t write anything, Splinter-Chin!

Lil’ Stevie:  Do SO!

Peter:  Really?  Well maybe you could help me write up an Ebay ad for a used ventriloquist dummy…

Lil’ Stevie:  (moping) I’ll be good!

Peter:  The first story is called “Father’s Day”, and it appears to be a tongue-in-cheek nod to all the other horror films around that time that were based on some holiday or other gone horribly awry (HALLOWEEN, FRIDAY THE 13TH,  etc). The story concerns the posh, snobby heirs of Nathan Grantham (Jon Lormer, THE BOOGENS, 1981), whom congregate every Father’s Day to remember their patriarch on the anniversary of his death…murdered by dear Aunt Bedelia after the old man drove her crazy.

Lil’ Stevie:  Bashed his head in with a marble ash tray!  Of course, he had it coming after he murdered Bedelia’s suitor in cold blood.

Peter:  Grantham had made the family fortune by bootlegging whiskey.  So when Bedelia visits his graveside with a bottle of booze and accidentally spills some on his tomb, the old man comes back from the dead to extract vengeance.  There seems to be a lot of extracting vengeance in this pic…but I think that mirrors the style of the old pulp comics.  There’s a moral code in their somewhere, and it’s delivered in all its bloody tongue-in-cheek fun.

Lil’ Stevie:  Leave it to Romero to lead off with a zombie story first!  I wanted to lead off with “Jordy Verrill”…

Peter: …Which leads us to the second story, “The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill”.  This story is one of the two in this movie that are based on pre-existing Stephen King stories.  This particular story is based on “Weeds”, which was published in Cavalier magazine in May, 1976 (and remains unavailable in any subsequent King story collection).  It is a retooling of the story, “The Colour Out Of Space” by H.P. Lovecraft, and concerns Jordy Verrill, a rube farmer who finds a meteor on his land.  Verrill is played by none other than…

Lil’ Stevie:  ME!  ME!  I played Jordy Verrill!  Wasn’t I stupendous?

Peter: ….the real Stephen King. Not you! Verrill finds the meteor, and dreams of selling it to the local university (to the Department of Meteors, to be specific) and pay off his outstanding bank loan.  When Verrill douses the meteor with water to cool it off, the meteor breaks in two, killing his plans immediately.  Of course, Verrill has already touched the meteor and been infected by whatever alien growth it contains.

Lil’ Stevie:  “Meteor shit!”

Peter:  You can’t swear like that.  L.L. will censor us again!

Lil’ Stevie:  “That’s the Verrill luck for ya!  Always in…Always bad!”

Peter:  (Sighing) Anyway, the rest of the story is Verrill’s downward spiral as the alien plant growth slowly consumes him.

Lil’ Stevie:  Easily the best story in the movie!

Peter:  The third tale is called “Something To Tide You Over”, and with the title alone we see more of that ironic, tongue-in-cheek wordplay that makes this movie such fun.  This is another vengeance tale, concerning crazed millionaire Richard Vickers (Leslie Nielson, AIRPLANE, 1980), who is bent on murdering his adulterous wife, Becky (Gaylen Ross, DAWN OF THE DEAD, 1978), and her lover, Harry Wentworth (Ted Danson, who played Sam Malone on the hit television show CHEERS, ’82-’93).  Richard shows up at Harry’s house and informs him that he knows what’s been going on.  Harry tries to play it cool, but when Richard informs him that Becky is in peril and that if he wants to see her alive again, he’d better do as he says, Harry allows himself to be led out to Richard’s beachfront property.  There is a hole in the sand waiting for him there, and Richard (while holding him at gunpoint), tells him to get in and start burying himself.

Lil’ Stevie: Of course, the tide is just starting to come in…

Peter:  Once Harry is buried up to his neck, Richard sets up a television and video player, right there in front of him, so that Harry can watch how Becky drowned, just as he is about to, with the return of the tide.  Of course, the two dead lovers are reunited by the sea, and come back from the dead to extract further vengeance on Richard.

Lil’ Stevie:  Not as compelling as “Jordy Verrill”.

Peter:  Or sandpaper!

Lil’ Stevie:  You’re so mean to me!

Peter:  The fourth story is “The Crate,” and it is the other piece that is a pre-existing Stephen King tale (and like “Weeds”, it doesn’t appear in any subsequent King collection.  You can find it, however, in the Arbor House Treasury of Horror & The Supernatural, 1980 or Great Tales of Horror & The Supernatural, 1981.)  The story concerns Henry Northrup (Hal Holbrook, THE FOG, 1980), a college professor who is forever cowed and browbeaten by his obnoxious, overbearing wife, Wilma (Adrienne Barbeau, also in THE FOG).

Lil’ Stevie:  Adrienne Barbeau!  Rowwwrrrr!

Peter:  Um, yeah…not in this picture.  In this story, Wilma (“Just call me Billie…everyone else does!”) appears to be the consummate pain-in-the-ass significant other; drinking, complaining, and verbally emasculating Henry at every opportunity.  So when Henry’s colleague and best friend Dexter Stanley (Fritz Weaver, MARATHON MAN, 1976) shows up at his home rambling incoherently about a crate that has been found at the university, and the monster inside that devoured the janitor who found it (as well as one of the school’s brightest students), Henry begins hatching a scheme to murder his ball-and-chain and be rid of her forever.

Lil’ Stevie:  Some things are just better off left alone…particularly if they are chained and padlocked and hidden away in a college basement!

Peter:  This segment was my least-favorite in the movie.  Adrienne Barbeau is a hottie, and to see her in this role really, unfortunately, changed how I feel about her.  She embodies the role with such efficiency that whenever I see her I instantly correlate her to the character she portrayed here.  And that’s a drag.

Lil’ Stevie:  That’s her job, you idiot!  She’s an actress!

Peter:  I’m sorry, I’m sorry!  And yeah, when Billie finally falls prey to the beast in The Crate, I did feel a sense of huge satisfaction.  I guess maybe it’s because I just don’t care to see people get brow-beaten, especially in public places.

Lil’ Stevie: And did you notice the personal nod I gave to my wife Tabby in this one?

Peter:  Yeah, one of the secondary characters is named Tabitha…and unlike Billie, she’s polite and well-mannered.  It seems almost like an inside joke that her name appears in this piece.  On to the final story, “They’re Creeping Up On You!”  This tale concerns another eccentric millionaire, Upson Pratt (E.G. Marshall, 12 ANGRY MEN, 1957), a germaphobe who has turned his upscale penthouse suite into a colorless, sanitized-white protection bubble.  Pratt hides away from the rest of the world in this bubble, where he can be a ruthless tycoon that makes business dealings that destroy other peoples’ lives without ever having to face them.  Through his personal interactions over the telephone, we get a glimpse of a man that has reduced the rest of mankind to being nothing more than pesky insects, which he loathes.

Lil’ Stevie:  So, of course, we have to call in the cockroaches and sic them on him!

Peter:  This piece is not for the squeamish.  Thousands of roaches invade the apartment, and before it is over, the dead Upson Pratt’s body literally erupts with insects as they burrow and tunnel their way through his corpse.  It’s an amazing scene to watch, with props to special effects master Tom Savini for making the body infestation so life-like you’d swear it was real!

Lil’ Stevie:  And you should note that Savini makes a cameo appearance as a garbage man at the end of the movie.

Peter:  In all, CREEPSHOW really is a standout King movie.  Even if this movie isn’t the scariest thing that either King or Romero has put out, the tagline on the poster reads “The Most Fun You’ll Ever Have Being Scared,” and that still holds fairly true, even 30 years later.  With the screenplay written by King, the all-star cast, and the great comic book animations and panel-framing, this movie is a celebration of all things dark and macabre…more like a film for summer camp than for the Cannes film festival.  It is a treasured homage to those horror-themed comic books we dug on in our childhood, rather than reading Boy’s Life or Y.M..

Lil’ Stevie: Just out of curiosity, if you could pick any five of my stories for a CREEPSHOW sequel, which would you choose?

Peter:  Wow, that’s a tough one…you’d want to go with the ones that are visceral enough to paint that comic book sense of grue while maintaining that almost moralistic come-uppance at the same time.  Off the top of my head, “Grey Matter” really stands out.  As does “Home Delivery” and “The Monkey”.  Of King’s more recent works, I’d say “In The Deathroom” or “Mute” would be cool.  Then again, I’d also hope that King would make the effort to write some new stories specifically for the screenplay.  The REAL King, of course, not your sorry ass. 

(Lil’ Stevie’s eyes roll back in his head, and then the dummy lunges forward, mouth wide open, and begins biting Peter’s face off.  Peter screams in agony as the blood begins to spray in comic book gushes of blood.)

Lil’ Stevie: (At the camera, with blood all over his wooden face), Goodbye, folks!  See you next time!

The scene fades into an animated sequence of Lil’ Stevie devouring the rest of Peter as camera pans out.

© Copyright 2012 by Peter N. Dudar

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Quick Cuts Presents: HALLOWEEN FUN (PART 2)

Posted in 2011, Halloween, HOLIDAY CHEER, Quick Cuts, Zombies with tags , , , , , , on October 30, 2011 by knifefighter

QUICK CUTS – Halloween Fun, Part 2
Wherein the Cinema Knife Fight staff has even more Halloween fun!
~Michael Arruda

This time, the question is:
Okay, CINEMA KNIFE FIGHTERS, what’s the scariest costume you can imagine showing up at your door?

 *****

COLLEEN WANGLUND:

The scariest costume that could appear at my door would be the Cemetery Zombie (Bill Hintzman) from George Romero’s NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968).  He scared the crap out of me when I first saw the movie and continues to scare the crap out of me.

*****

L.L. SOARES:

The scariest costume I can think of would involve a mask of Michael Arruda after he’s just watched the remake of PROM NIGHT (2008) for the 15th time.

We're thinking a Michael Arruda mask might be even scarier than this one!

*****

KELLY LAYMON:

A band of dwarves, pinheads, half bodies and Siamese twins dressed-to-the-nines and chanting, “Gooble gobben, gooble gobben, we accept her, one of us, one of us.” Plus, we all know I’d totally give in to their goblet of champagne.

"Gooble Gabban, Gooble Gaban, You are one of us!" (from 1932's FREAKS)

*****

MICHAEL ARRUDA:

Not that I want to promote this movie, but the scariest costume I can imagine at my door would be the CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT team dressed as THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE.

"Did someone say HUMAN CENTIPEDE?"

 

—END—

 

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THE MONSTROUS QUESTION! Answer 3 (of 3)

Posted in 2011, Lost Films, Zombie Movies with tags , , , , , on March 4, 2011 by knifefighter

THE MONSTROUS QUESTION!
(Questions by Michael Arruda)

QUESTION:
If you could discover lost footage from any movie, old or new, and this could include an entire movie, what would it be?

Sit back and enjoy this mock answer from the mind of Nick Cato.

*****

From NICK CATO:

DAWN OF THE DEAD: Screenplay Ending Rumored to Have Been Filmed!

"Here's looking at you, kid!" Ken Foree from the original DAWN OF THE DEAD

In the original script for George A. Romero’s DAWN OF THE DEAD (1979), Peter (played in the film by Ken Foree) does not escape.  He blows his brains out, and Fran flees to safety on her own with a pet dog (the dog was also left out of the final film version).  It was rumored for years that Romero had shot an alternate ending that upheld this suicide-vision from his original script.  And it does exist . . . if you look hard enough.

On the DAWN OF THE DEAD Ultimate edition 4-DVD boxed set (released in 2004 from Anchor Bay Entertainment), there’s an Easter egg (i.e. hidden extra) cleverly placed on the 3rd DVD, which is the European Cut of the film.  When Peter places the small pistol to his temple, the film pauses for a few seconds.

During this pause, click the pause on your DVD’s remote and a mini-menu screen will appear with the option to watch either “European Ending” or “Original Ending.”  Click “Original Ending,” and watch Peter’s brains splatter against the wall of their make-shift loft in all its never-before-seen 70s g(l)ory.

The film is 100 times darker now, with a pregnant Fran left to fend for herself as she descends to the skies in the chopper she had recently been trained to fly.

__________________________________

NOTE: Okay, before you run off and pause your DVD for an eternity searching for this original ending, this was a mock answer.  In short, it ain’t true! —Michael Arruda

—-END—-

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GEORGE ROMERO SPILLS HIS GUTS

Posted in 2010, Interviews, Jason Harris Interviews, Zombie Movies with tags , , , , on June 2, 2010 by knifefighter

Director George Romero Spills His Guts
by Jason Harris

George A. Romero with Jason Harris

George A. Romero is back with his sixth zombie movie, SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD (2010).

His latest movie takes place on an island off the coast of Delaware, where the residents are fighting zombies and hoping to find a cure for the undead epidemic along with having a conflict between two feuding clans, the Muldoons and the O’Flynns. Romero made his characters Irish because of the subject matter, he said. “If you do a movie about feudalism or feuds, that kind of long standing conflict, Ireland comes to mind,” Romero said. “I thought it make more sense than to have an Arab and a Jew.”

Romero had Kenneth Welsh in mind for the role of Patrick O’Flynn right from the moment he starting writing the script, he admitted. “I had the actors in mind. I just knew they be great doing these roles.”

Romero didn’t have any trouble getting the actors to sign onto the movie, even though he didn’t think he would get Welsh. Welsh is in demand at the moment, he said. “[Welsh] is starting to chill and do a little more theater,” Romero recalled. “[Welsh] liked the script a lot. He was really gracious.”

The movie took 25 days to shoot, which was three days over the schedule, Romero said. The extra days came about because of “lousy weather.”

This movie continues Romero’s trend of killing zombies in interesting and unusual ways. In the new movie, the characters use a fire extinguisher and a flare gun to dispatch the undead. “I get so tired of the head shots,” he laughed, referring to the way most zombies are killed in his movies.

Romero said that he has a “little resentment” about how “big and popular” zombies have become. In his movies, he hardly ever calls the creatures “zombies.”

“I always look for something else to call them instead of zombies,” Romero said. “It just sounds so ordinary.”

In LAND OF THE DEAD (2005), he called them “stenches,” “walkers” and “extensions.”  In the current movie, he calls them “deadheads,” clearly not worried about offending any of the late Jerry Garcia’s fans.

Romero doesn’t think people would call them “zombies” if the situations in his movies were happening in the real world, he reflected. “Would they think of them as zombies? It’s one of those things that goes through your head.”

Romero uses a lot of special effects in his movies. He uses computer and mechanical effects, he said. “You can’t screw around with an effect if it doesn’t work.” This includes work with “squibs and head shots.”

Romero didn’t care for THE CRAZIES (2010), a remake of one of Romero’s early works.  The new version was directed by Breck Eisner, and while Romero didn’t like the final product, he doesn’t fault the director. “It certainly isn’t the movie I would have made. I think Breck did a good job with it,” he added.  Romero was the producer on the remake and thought he would have been involved with it more than he was. “A lot of the shocks were just cheap, surprise gags. It’s more like 28 DAYS LATER (2000).”

In his original, Romero’s message was that you couldn’t tell who was crazy from the guys at the Pentagon to the soldiers or the people next door, he said. The remake only touched on this theme with the inner circle and the deputy, he mentioned. If a character has corpuscles on their faces and red glowing eyes, you know who’s crazy, he scowled, referring to the remake.

Romero would love to do a straight up comedy. His idea is basically to change up the Warner Bros. coyote and the road runner with one human and one zombie. “It would be one gag after another,” he speculated.  “I haven’t been able to sell it.”

After DIARY OF THE DEAD, he got the idea of following the minor characters from the movie and seeing what directions they would go. He likens it to the fictional town of Castle Rock in horror novelist Stephen King’s stories. “If you read all the books, you know everything about this town.”  Romero would love to do more movies about the minor characters from his previous movies, but it will never happen since different people own them. “I can’t get any cooperation to reuse characters or anything.”

The first characters he chose to follow with his current movie are the soldiers from DIARY OF THE DEAD. He would like to do something with “the looters and the blond that escapes in the end of DIARY,” he said. With these current movies, he wants to show a collage of what is happening in the world.

No matter what Romero does in the future, he wants to have creative control over it. This is something he hasn’t had since NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968), but he regained with DIARY.  “I was scared to death to work with Universal,” he admitted. “I was warned off them, but they were great. I made two films for Orion [Pictures]. It was a hideous experience. It was just awful because of people telling me what to do.”

Romero’s doesn’t have any other movie-making plans after this movie. It all depends on the box office receipts. “This movie wouldn’t exist if DIARY OF THE DEAD (2007) hadn’t made money. It wound up making a lot of money for the producers. That is why [SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD] exists and why it happened so quickly.”

© Copyright 2010 by Jason Harris

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SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD

Posted in 2010, Apocalyptic Films, Cinema Knife Fights, Sequels, Zombie Movies with tags , , , , on May 31, 2010 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD (2010)
by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

(THE SCENE: A beautiful field of green with sprawling hills in the background. Birds are singing everywhere. A woman rides by on horseback. We close in on MICHAEL ARRUDA and L.L. SOARES taking a leisurely walk through the field.)

MA: Welcome! We’re here in this field to review the new George Romero movie SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD, which could have been titled, 1001 NEW WAYS TO KILL A ZOMBIE.

LS: 1001? I only counted eight ways, except for the always reliable bullet to the head, which gets old real quick.

MA: In this film, we see fire extinguishers used on zombies, flare guns, even people fishing for zombies. All good ways to off a zombie, but in this day and age, when zombies seem to be popping up on our movie screens with alarming regularity, it’s not enough.

LS (counting on hand): That’s THREE ways.

MA: Haven’t you ever heard of hyperbole?

(Suddenly a horde of ZOMBIES surrounds them)

MA: For example, say you’re having a picnic, and you’re only armed with condiments, like mustard and ketchup. We found that mustard works best, especially the spicy brown kind. Observe.

(MA approaches a zombie and places a container of spicy mustard at his lips. Zombie takes container and begins sucking down contents. His face turns beet red, yellow smoke pours from his ears, and then his head explodes.)

MA: See.

LS: I dunno. I eat that kind of mustard all the time and it never hurt me none. What about this? Let’s say you’re out for a summer evening stroll with your girl, and all you have on you is your trusty mallet. (Turns and swings mallet at zombie, crushing its head.)

MA: Smashing! Say you’re in the middle of spring cleaning, doing a little vacuuming. (Approaches a vacuum set up on a strip of rug.) This works very nicely. (Turns on vacuum, begins to vacuum rug as a zombie approaches. MA hoists vacuum up and aims it at zombie’s head. The vacuum sucks its head clear off!)

LS: Wow, that vacuum really sucks! Or, you might be enjoying a nice game of mini-golf. There’s nothing worse than getting stuck behind slow poke-zombies on a mini-golf course. (Lifts golf club.) Four! (Swings club and knocks heads of four zombies in a row.)

MA: Basically, there’s pretty much nothing you can’t use to kill a zombie. That being said, you still want to avoid being bit by one. (MA & LS scurry across field away from zombies.) Okay, since they’re not exactly fleet of foot, we should be in good shape to get our review done here. Shall I begin?

LS (Imitating Curly from the Three Stooges): Soitinly!

MA: SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD is the latest zombie movie by the king of zombie movie-making, George A. Romero, the guy who really set off the zombie craze way back with NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968). While zombie movies existed before then, the way we view zombies in the movies today began with that movie.

LS: Y’know, I’m a fan of the old kind of zombies, too. The voodoo kind. Romero’s creatures were originally meant to be called “ghouls” but instead got tagged with the name zombie – and when people think of zombies now, they think of the Romero kind. But the two are completely different.

MA: Yes, like the Bela Lugosi movie WHITE ZOMBIE (1932). I love those movies too.

When SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD begins, the majority of the human race has already been turned into zombies. On a rural island off the coast of Delaware, Patrick O’Flynn (Kenneth Welsh) has decided that it’s up to him to take a leadership role and protect the inhabitants of the island. So he goes around with a band of his merry men shooting all the zombies in the head. This makes perfect sense, but his arch enemy on the island, Seamus Muldoon (Richard Fitzpatrick) has decided otherwise.

LS (imitating Jerry Seinfeld): I found myself wondering, “Who ARE these silly people?”

MA: It seems, Muldoon and O’Flynn have been feuding on the island for years, and it’s Muldoon’s take that if they wait long enough, a cure will be found and the zombies will return to their human form, which I think is flawed logic, since these folks are already dead, but more on that later. Anyway, it’s Muldoon’s method of choice to chain the zombies and keep them alive rather than shoot them in the head, and so he and his bigger band of men banish O’Flynn from the island.

With all the Irish names and accents, and the green country scenery, it really looks like the action is taking place in Ireland, not on some island off the coast of Delaware!

LS: I agree. I almost expected the movie to turn into an Irish Spring commercial, with singing zombies!

MA: Anyway, the action switches to Philadelphia, where we meet a group of four soldiers led by Sarge Crocket (Alan Van Sprang), a character we also saw in Romero’s last zombie movie, DIARY OF THE DEAD (2007). This group is wandering the land, trying to stay alive. After they save a resourceful teenage boy (Devon Bostick) from a group of savage rednecks, they cross paths with the banished Patrick O’Flynn, who convinces them to go to his island in order to find that better place to live.

LS (laughs): Yeah, “convinces” them after they kill all his men in a shootout. As for a better place to live – of course, O’Flynn has his own agenda, which is to return home from exile to get revenge on old Seamus, with the help of some well-armed soldiers.

MA: When they get to the island, they are shot at by Muldoon’s men, and Crocket is wounded and one of his men is killed. This sets up the climactic confrontation between O’Flynn, Crocket, and their people, against Muldoon and his men. What do the zombies have to do with all this? In terms of story, not a whole heck of a lot. They’re around so they can be killed in all sorts of ways. Of course, they’re also the central reason for the most present rift between O’Flynn and Muldoon.

I found SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD surprisingly entertaining. In terms of story and character development, I thought it was well written by George Romero. He was in his element for sure.

LS: Are you sure we saw the same movie?

MA: Well, you raise an interesting point. You saw it on the big screen at the movies, and I saw it on cable television on OnDemand. since it was released there the same day it hit theaters. And while I doubt that in itself would make THAT much of a difference, I do have a beef with Comcast, which is that this a brand new movie–which I had to pay for– and it wasn’t a widescreen print. I think that’s a rip-off. But, on the other hand, maybe the movie worked better up close and personal!

Like I was saying, I liked the characters a lot, as well as the acting performances. My favorite character and performance was Alan Van Sprang as Sarge Crocket. He was a convincing hero, and he got to deliver lots of cool lines.

LS: Yeah, Sarge was okay. One in a long line of military/mercenary heroes who pop up a lot in Romero’s zombie movies.

MA: Kenneth Welsh also turned in a good performance as Patrick O’Flynn. The rest of the acting was also very good.

LS: Are you kidding me? I thought this movie had the weakest cast Romero has used in a long time. He usually works with unknown and even amateur actors, due to budget constraints, and sometimes it adds to the whole documentary feel of his flicks. This time around, I thought the cast was one of his weakest and their spouting of dialogue was so stilted it had me laughing several times.

MA: I thought they were good, especially compared to a lot of the low budget performances I see on DVD these days.

But even better here was the writing by George Romero. These characters as written were interesting and fun to watch. At one point in the movie, Crocket says of O’Flynn, “Why do I like you so much?” I found myself asking the same question, about all the characters, and the answer was because of some good writing!

LS (scratches head): Are you SURE we saw the same movie? I’m a hardcore Romero fan, but I thought this was the weakest script by him yet. The dialogue was downright silly at times. And with the stilted acting, it seemed more campy than serious.

MA: Well, it WAS campy. Did you think that was unintentional?

LS: I hate to say it, but yes, I think it was meant to be serious.

MA: I didn’t think that at all. I had the feeling throughout that it was supposed to be campy.

There are a lot of neat scenes and images in SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD as well. I thought the image of zombies swimming underwater was a good one and rather creepy, which was rare in a film that truly isn’t all that scary.

LS: Lucio Fulci did the underwater zombies decades ago in his DAWN OF THE DEAD rip-off ZOMBIE (1979). So it’s not that original.

MA: Still, there are lots of memorable sequences. At one point we see moaning zombie heads on impaled sticks, put there by those scary rednecks, which makes the point that some humans are worse than zombies.

LS: The heads on the sticks thing was a very cool image. Even in his worst movies, Romero delivers a few cool images.

MA: While SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD is an entertaining movie, what it ultimately has working against it is its own zombie formula, which has grown old and predictable. It’s not fresh, not scary, and the creative killings of the zombies serve almost as a self-parody.

LS: You can say that again. Killing zombies has become almost boring at this point. Which is an awful thing to say! And no way are there enough creative ways to kill them this time around.

MA: At times, I thought I was watching ZOMBIELAND (2009). Now, ZOMBIELAND was funnier, as it was supposed to be funny, but the feel of SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD was often similar, and when you go back to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, it’s oh so very different. That movie was scary. This one is not.

LS: ZOMBIELAND was much better than SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD. Which is downright depressing, considering Romero is the originator of all this stuff.

MA: But this doesn’t take away from the fact that SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD is a very entertaining movie. It’s well-written, the zombie sequences are done the way you expect Romero to do them, with guts and pizzazz, it’s got some really memorable characters, and the acting from all the players is really good. It even goes a little “deep” in terms of story, with the debate over can the zombies be saved.

I did find this a flawed argument, however. I mean, these folks are already dead, so if there’s a cure, then what happens? They just die?

LS: I didn’t get this at all. Even if they were cured of their need to eat human flesh, they’d still be dead people. What exactly would be a “cure” for such creatures? And the whole experiment Muldoon does, to try to get zombies to eat animals instead of people, is simply pointless. So what if they ate animals instead? They’d still be dumb-ass monsters. This entire plotline is pointless.

MA: Maybe they would come back to life as a new life form, a “post-zombie” creature.

LS: Romero already did this before, when he had the Dr. Logan & Bub storyline in DAY OF THE DEAD (1985). And these zombies were no way as smart as Bub.

The only way I found this movie entertaining was to laugh at. Its logic was flawed, the characters were hokey, and the dialogue often quite goofy. O’Flynn and Muldoon seem like stereotypes who walked off the set of THE QUIET MAN (1952).

(PATRICK O’FLYNN pops up from the tall grass, shaking with anger)

O’FLYNN: Gosh and Begora! How dare ye accuse me of being a stereotype! I’d hit ye with me box of Lucky Charms if I weren’t late for the pub!

LS: When I left this movie, I found myself wondering if for once I actually hated a George Romero movie. This really bummed me out. The guy is an idol of mine, and obviously you go into an idol’s movies wanting to love them.

Who knew George Romero would become the new George Lucas? Remember back when Lucas made his very first STAR WARS trilogy? They were revered as these science fiction masterpieces.

MA: Well, the first two films were. I think the slump began with RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983).

LS: And then, years later, he came back with his second trilogy and people were very angry and disappointed. Well, I used to laugh, cuz my favorite trilogy, Romero’s original three Dead films (NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968), DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978) and the underrated DAY OF THE DEAD (1985)) were three great movies that were never tainted by bad sequels.

Until now, that is. Now, that Romero went and made his own second trilogy.

I still say the first of the new batch, LAND OF THE DEAD (2005), is a really fun ride, and I enjoyed the hell out of it. It wasn’t in the same league with the first three films at all, but hell, after 20 years of waiting, I was thrilled to have even a flawed Romero zombie flick.

DIARY OF THE DEAD (2007) seemed to be a step down. It felt different from Romero’s other zombie movies, kind of cold and forgettable. Except for the Amish zombie killer – who was easily the best thing in the entire movie – there’s not a lot that stayed with me about DIARY.

MA: Would you like a tissue to dab the tears out of your eyes?

LS: SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD is just 90 minutes of hokum. I didn’t care for the characters or their plotlines for the most part. The only characters I really liked at all were the women – Tomboy (Athena Karkanis), the only woman in among the soldiers, who I thought had real presence (but not a lot to do). And O’Flynn’s rebellious daughter, Jane (Kaltheen Munroe). The rest of the characters just seemed one-dimensional to me.

I used to laugh at STAR WARS fans for the way Lucas screwed up the second trilogy. Now the STAR WARS fans are laughing at me.

(In the background, zombies are suddenly dressed up like STAR WARS characters, rolling on the ground in fits of uncontrollable laughter.)

MA (shaking head): You zombies better watch yourselves, or I might just come after you with this! (Waves a container of horseradish.)

In terms of this movie, SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD, it is what it is, a zombie movie way late in the zombie career of George Romero, and so while originality and scares are lacking, the story, characters, and bang-for-your-buck entertainment value are all there in their walking dead glory, and so I give SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD 3 Knives.

LS: I guess I expect more from a George Romero movie. Personally, I wish he’d just stop making zombie movies and go back to more diverse flicks like his vampire masterpiece, MARTIN (1977). I’m guessing he keeps making new zombie movies because that’s the only thing he can get funding for, but he just turned 70, and I’d hate to remember him for something like SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD. I’m hoping he has one more masterpiece left in him.

I didn’t like this one. Not the plot, not the characters, not the goofy dialogue. Even the movie’s “big messages” were actually rather puny. But for the sake of camp value, I’ll give it one and a half stars. Although it breaks my heart to do it.

MA: Here, have a whole box of tissues.

Well, obviously, I liked it better than you did, mostly because I’m not as big a Romero fan as you are, and my expectations weren’t as high. So, my message to the folks out there is simple: Don’t expect anything groundbreaking, but do expect to be entertained.

(LS moans)

(Gunshots ring out, and a group of armed men approach, firing their rifles.)

MEN: Look! Zombies! Kill them!

MA: Wait, we’re not zombies! LL, stop moaning! They think we’re zombies!

(Gunshots fill the air))

(CUT TO: another part of the field, where moaning zombie heads are impaled on spikes. In front, are the impaled heads of LS and MA.)

MA HEAD: Well, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into.

LS HEAD (moaning): Why did you let me down, George Romero?

MA HEAD: Well, folks, I guess that about does it for this week’s column. We’ll see you next time.

(LS HEAD continues to sob)

MA HEAD: Damn! I have to sneeze. This isn’t going to be pretty. Hurry up and fade to black already. (Rears back to sneeze.) Aa—aaa—aaa—ch—!

Fade to Black.

—END—

Michael Arruda gives this movie 3 Knives

.

.

L.L. Soares gives this movie 1 and a half Knives

.

© Copyright 2010 by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

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THE CRAZIES

Posted in 2010, Cinema Knife Fights, Disaster Films, Remakes, Zombie Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2010 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT:  THE CRAZIES (2010)
by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

(MICHAEL ARRUDA and L.L. SOARES are seated on the bleachers of a high school baseball game in small-town America. They are eating hot dogs and chips, and drinking soda).

MA:  This sure beats winter back home!

LS:  I’ll say!  And I don’t even like baseball!  But hot dogs, sunshine, 80-degree weather, it just puts me in the mood to watch a horror movie!

MA (Basking in sunlight): Here’s to the American dream. Baseball, apple pie, and zombies! (They toast their soda cans).

LS:  Here, here!

(A little KID with a mustard mustache is staring at them from the lower bleacher.)

LS: What are you looking at, kid?

KID (Looking directly at LS):  I haven’t figured out yet.

LS:  Why, I oughtta—.

MA:  Later, later. We have a movie to review.

LS:  You’re lucky, kid!

KID:  I’m lucky I don’t look like you!

MA (chuckles):  The kid’s pretty funny.

KID (to MA): I was talking about you, four eyes!

LS (to MA): That kid’s crazy! You were saying— about that movie we’re reviewing?

MA:  Riiight. (To audience)  Okay, we’re here today sitting at this baseball game in small-town America because today’s movie, THE CRAZIES (2010), opens with a key sequence at a baseball game just like this.

Sheriff David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant) and his deputy Russell Clank (Joe Anderson) are taking in a high school baseball game in their small town of Ogden Marsh, population 1260, when one of the townspeople suddenly steps onto the field carrying a shot gun. Sheriff Dutton quickly confronts the man while deputy Russell helps clear the players off the field. Dutton attempts to talk the man into surrendering his weapon, but he won’t cooperate. He simply stares at Dutton with a blank look in his eye before making the move to shoot the sheriff. Dutton shoots first, killing the man in front of the terrified crowd.

LS: The character’s name is Rory Hamill (played by Mike Hickman), and he’s suitably creepy.

MA: This is only the beginning, as soon other townspeople begin to act strangely, and more people die. Following a lead, Dutton and Russell discover the wreckage of a large plane hidden underneath the water in a local pond. They deduce that it’s possible that something on that plane has leaked into the town’s water supply, thus poisoning the townspeople, turning them into murderous zombie-like creatures.

LS: Zombie is the key word here. The original version of THE CRAZIES, from 1973, was directed by legendary filmmaker George A. Romero. It was after his classic NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) and before its terrific sequel, DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978). In fact, it was exactly smack dab in the middle between these two films. While not technically a zombie flick, THE CRAZIES seemed to be a variation on NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, except instead of the walking dead, we have people who are infected with a virus that makes them go insane. However, there is definitely something “zombie-like” going on.

MA: Before Dutton and Russell can do anything about it, the town is overrun by the military, who begin separating townspeople from each other in an attempt to discover who is sick and who isn’t. Dutton is separated from his wife, Dr. Judy Dutton (Radha Mitchell), but once he and Russell escape their captors, they return and rescue her and her young receptionist, Becca (Danielle Panabaker).

What follows is a desperate race to get out of town, to flee from both the military hunting them and the crazies who will mindlessly kill them at a moment’s notice, in scenes reminiscent of the INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS movies (1956, 1978, and more).

LS: That’s the power of Romero’s best movies, as well. His zombies work because they’re monsters who look just like people we love and trust. The same with the new version of THE CRAZIES. And yes, this is definitely a trait they share with the BODY SNATCHERS films as well.

MA: THE CRAZIES is a non-stop rollercoaster ride of a movie that will keep you on the edge of your seat throughout. From the opening sequence at the baseball game, in a scene that is sweating with realism, the movie grabs you by the throat and doesn’t let go. For a movie like this, or any horror movie for that matter, the audience has to believe for it to work. From the get-go, THE CRAZIES will have you believing in every far-fetched thing that happens, and it’ll do it with great acting, directing and writing.

LS: I agree. I also feel this is something of a rarity – the remake that actually improves on the original material. I am a hardcore Romero fan, but I always felt that THE CRAZIES was one of Romero’s weakest films. To me, it just seemed too similar to his “Dead” movies to really have a personality of its own. So if someone was going to remake it, this was the perfect opportunity to take a flawed film and improve on it. In most cases, when we see remakes like this, they totally drop the ball. Just look at the crappy remakes of THE FOG (2005) and PROM NIGHT (2008), which made their flawed originals look even better than they were.

MA:  There you go with PROM NIGHT again. I think you secretly like that movie, you mention it so much.

LS:  I mention it so much because I like to point out how crazy you were for listing it among the “Top 10 Best Horror movies of 2008!”

MA:  Hey, it was a weak year. But I will say that I liked the PROM NIGHT remake better than the original, and let’s leave it at that.

(A ZOMBIE-like creature stumbles behind them.)

ZOMBIE:  Did someone say crazy? (Suddenly shoves a dozen hot dogs into his mouth at the same time.)

LS:  That’s the best you can do? In my prime I could put away 20 of those dogs in half the time!

MA:  I don’t need to hear things like that.

LS (To ZOMBIE):  You wannabe zombie!  Anyway, back to THE CRAZIES. In this case, director Breck Eisner riffs on the original material and turns in one helluva good horror movie.

MA: Yes, director Eisner crafts one compelling scene after another. The scene in the farmhouse where one of the townspeople, now a “crazy,” torments his family, is wonderfully done and terribly frightening.

LS: By the way, if the name Eisner sounds familiar, it’s because Breck is the son of former Disney head Michael Eisner.

MA: The image of the huge plane under the water is memorable, as I found it ominous and somehow very frightening.

And then there’s the scene where Judy and Becca are strapped to tables, and they are menaced by the man with a pitchfork. Talk about suspense!

LS: That was the school principal, Ben Sandborn (Larry Cedar) mercilessly forking people!

(WOMAN sitting next to them gasps and gives them a dirty look.)

WOMAN: There’s kids here, for crying out loud!

LS:  I said forking people!  Keep your shirt on!  And I mean that literally, lady. We can only handle one horror show at a time!

MA: ..and then there’s the even better scene in the car wash.

LS: One of my favorites!

MA: It’s been a while since a movie has had as many compelling scenes as this one. It’s a terrific movie.

But my favorite scene of all these involved a knife going through Dutton’s hand. I liked this scene because here we have this extremely graphic scene but it’s also clear that it wasn’t done just for the point of grossing us out. There’s a lot of drama going on here. It’s just really good stuff. Still, it’s not for the squeamish!

LS: There’s a lot of drama, because Eisner and company have given us characters that we actually CARE about. This is one of the keys to great horror – horrible things happening to good people. That scene with Dutton’s hand is terrific. He has to protect his wife, save his own life, and somehow free his hand, that is pinned to the floor, all at the same time.

MA: There were lots of small things that worked, too. The scene in the funeral parlor, where Rory Hamill’s wife slaps Dutton across the face for shooting her husband is particularly painful, though it reminded me of a similar face slapping scene in JAWS (1975), when Chief Brody gets his face slapped.

Speaking of JAWS, when Dutton and Russell approach the mayor and ask him to shut off the town’s water supply, and the mayor replies by saying something to the effect that this town is a farming town, and it needs its water- the water stays on!  I sat there thinking, “Dude, didn’t you see JAWS?”

LS: Yeah, the scene with the mayor reminded me a LOT of JAWS.

MA: Another scene, where a woman tells Dr. Judy Dutton that there’s something “not right” about her husband, was very reminiscent of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS. These references aren’t bad things, but rather, serve as nice nods to some of the other great horror movies that have come before it.

LS: Yeah, it does riff on some other great movies.

MA: The screenplay was written by Scott Kosar, who also wrote the screenplays for the remakes of THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (2005) and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003), and Ray Wright, and it was well done. It was filled with one memorable scene after another, along with realistic dialogue and fleshed-out characters, who you really care about.

LS: Now this amazes me, because I am not a big fan of either of those other movies. Especially the remake of TEXAS CHAINSAW. I couldn’t care less what anyone did with AMITYVILLE HORROR, but CHAINSAW is a bonafide milestone in horror film history. One of the titans. And I thought the 2003 remake was both unnecessary and pretty much insignificant. This new film, also a remake, is in a whole other league. This time Kosar (along with Wright) turn in a killer screenplay.

MA: I thought both Timothy Olyphant as Sheriff David Dutton and Radha Mitchell as Dr. Judy Dutton stood out as the leads in the movie…

LS: I’m a big fan of both of them. Olyphant was just terrific as Sheriff Seth Bullock on one of my all-time favorite shows, DEADWOOD. And he’s been good in just about everything he’s been in before and since. Radha Mitchell, some of our readers might remember, was in PITCH BLACK (2000) and was also the lead in one of the few good video game-related movies, SILENT HILL (2006). They’re both strong actors and they bring a lot of humanity to their roles here.

MA: ….and I thought Joe Anderson was even better in the supporting role as Deputy Russell Clark. I think his was my favorite performance in the movie.

LS: Anderson was also in THE RUINS, but I didn’t recognize him right away. He was terrific, too. Another great performance. He takes what could have been a throwaway character and really makes you care about him. Especially when you start to wonder if he’s going to get infected or not.

MA: Danielle Panabaker, who we saw recently in the FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009) remake, also stood out as Becca Darling.

LS: Yes, she was very good, too.

MA: Now, the movie is not without flaws. I thought the scene where they meet up with the government agent, and he quickly tells them about the contents on the plane, was forced and obviously done for the benefit of giving the audience exposition. I don’t think a government agent, even with a gun pointed at his head, would speak so freely.

LS: Actually, the government soldiers were one of the only things I didn’t fully understand in this movie. They come to town and gather up the population, then for some weird reason they take off and leave all these people strapped to gurneys in the school. They just leave. And then they appear on and off. I wasn’t sure why they kept coming and going.

MA:  Yeah, that scene where they take off and leave the people strapped to the gurneys, I think they flee because a pick-up truck smashes into the compound, and the soldiers are afraid of the crazies, so they run away. That’s the impression I got. Now, I’m not sure how realistic this would be. You would think there would be some commanding officer telling these guys what to do. So maybe that’s why this scene was left unclear and confusing, because the soldiers’ actions don’t really make sense.

LS:  I also thought it was odd that they were all concerned about isolating the town, and yet they did a lousy job of blocking off the roads leading in and out of Ogden Marsh. There’s a scene where the main characters drive for awhile on the highway, and there are no roadblocks or anything. Eventually, helicopters show up. But they seem to do a sloppy job of cutting the town off from the rest of the world.

That was my only big complaint. The government presence wasn’t always consistent.

MA: There also is considerable time spent on whether Deputy Russell is becoming a crazy or not, and while I liked this as a plot point, I don’t think it was clearly explained why Russell, if he were changing, would take longer to change than anyone else.

I also thought the sequence near the end, when Dutton and his wife attempt to steal a truck, may have been one sequence too many. At that point, I knew where the movie was going, and I just wanted them to get into the truck so we could get to the inevitable conclusion. While the sequence was well done, I thought it slowed the pace a bit.

LS: I don’t know, I liked that scene. Especially Sheriff Dutton’s fistfight with a crazy underneath the truck. That crazy, by the way, was one of a group of redneck hunters who appear early on in the movie and then go on a killing spree once the contamination has begun. I thought they were interesting characters, too, and I wanted to know more about them.

MA:  Yeah, I agree with you about the hunters. I actually thought we were going to see more of them. I thought they were going to be the wild card in the plot, you know, not crazy like the crazies, but just as dangerous, so whose side will they be on? That sort of thing. But the plot didn’t really go there.

Also, while I absolutely loved this movie, I couldn’t help but wonder about the government’s methods here. Their answer seemed to be kill everyone involved, and I wondered, how would far would this go? What are they going to do? Kill the entire population of the country? I thought this logic was flawed and unlike the events in the movie, not very plausible.

But these are minor faults, because the rest of the movie works so well on an emotional level, that you’re not going to care if a few things don’t make sense, especially when most of the film comes off as very believable.

Overall, THE CRAZIES is a relentless horror movie, one that goes for the throat early on and doesn’t let go. By far, it’s the best horror film of 2010, one that every horror fan should get out and see. You’d be crazy not to!

LS: I liked it a lot, too. This has been a good year for remakes so far. I really enjoyed both this one and THE WOLFMAN. Finally, directors who can take an idea and do something interesting with it. Instead of just turning out more crap.

Oh, and make sure to stay during the closing credits. There’s a news bulletin that pops up during the credits that ties up some loose ends.

MA:  That about sums things up from here. We’ll see you next weekend with our review of SORORITY ROW, now showing on cable and DVD.

(To LS)  We can head out now. This game’s pretty much over.

LS:  Oh, there’s a game going on?

(As they leave, they notice the KID with the mustard mustache)

LS: That crazy kid is still staring at us!

MA: Go home kid, our review is over.

(The KID starts to foam at the mouth, and his eyes are wide and scary, like a zombie.)

LS: We don’t have time for this. I wanna go home.

(LS hurls his half-full soda can at the KID’s head, knocking him down)

(The crowd cheers!)

-THE END-

© Copyright 2010 by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

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