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DARK SKIES (2013)

Posted in 2013, Aliens, Cinema Knife Fights, Conspiracy Theories, Enigmatic Films, Medical Experiments!, Paranormal, Scares!, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , on February 25, 2013 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: DARK SKIES (2013)
By Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

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(THE SCENE: The back yard of a small, unassuming house in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. MICHAEL ARRUDA is standing in front of a grill, with an apron that says “Kiss the Chef!” He is flipping burgers, while L.L. SOARES is drinking a beer and talking to some of the guys. We realize they are the only two humans at the cookout, as the rest of the guests are tall, gray alien beings. Oh yeah, and it’s the middle of winter, and there’s snow on the ground.)

MICHAEL ARRUDA (his teeth chattering): This cookout idea really seems to be a success.

L.L. SOARES: I hardly notice the snow at all.

MA: And there’s another big storm coming.

LS: When is winter going to be over already?

ALIEN 1: Hi guys, we’re having a lot of fun. Can I have another hot dog?

MA: Sure! (puts a hot dog in a bun and hands the paper plate to the alien). Here you go.

LS: So I guess we should get started on the review?

MA: I need to get more burgers to cook, and throw on another winter coat. Can you start this one?

LS: Sure.

(MA goes back into the house. LS looks around at all the creepy aliens, who have suddenly turned in his direction)

LS: The movie this week is DARK SKIES.

ALIEN 1: I was wondering if that was any good.

ALIEN 2: Yeah, my kids really want to see that one. How was it?

ALIEN 1: Yeah, tell us more.

LS: Well, this one is brought to us by some of the same producers who gave us the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY movies and INSIDIOUS (2010), so right off the bat, you can kind of tell what you’re in for. Yet another movie where people in suburbia are tormented by unseen forces. Except this time, instead of the house being haunted by ghosts or demons, the creatures involved are…aliens from outer space!

(ALIENS hoot and holler, pumping their fists in the air)

MA (returns from house and puts more burgers on the grill.): And that’s one of the bigger drawbacks of this one, that we’ve seen this all before The style of filmmaking, quiet scenes in a dark house in the middle of the night, where the audience is just waiting for something unexpected or creepy to happen, is already getting old and repetitive.

LS: The family this time around consists of dad Daniel Barrett (Josh Hamilton, who was previously in the TV series THIRD WATCH and was in Clint Eastwood’s film, J. EDGAR, 2011), an architect who has been out of work for a while, and the pressure is starting to build. He’s gone on a few job interviews, but hasn’t had any luck so far, and the bills keep coming in (but he hides them from his wife). His wife, Lacy (Keri Russell, who most people will remember from the TV series FELICITY, from 1998 to 2002, which pretty much made her a star, and she’s currently on the new and interesting Cold War drama THE AMERICANS on the FX Channel, where’s she’s been really good), is a real estate agent. She tries to remain cheery and supportive throughout this crisis. They have two kids, Jesse (Dakota Goyo), who is 13, feels completely misunderstood, and is discovering girls, and Sam (Kadan Rockett), who is half his brother’s age, and very sensitive to everything going on around him.

MA: Dakota Goyo is the same kid that was in REAL STEEL (2011), the silly robot movie starring Hugh Jackman, which played like ROCKY meets the TRANSFORMERS.

LS: I thought he looked familiar! But I seriously didn’t remember him from REAL STEEL while I was watching DARK SKIES, which might be a good thing, because I thought Goyo played it wincingly, overly cute in that one. Nice to see him turn in a more low-key, believable performance here. Maybe the kid is actually growing as an actor.

Anyway, when things start getting weird, it’s Lacy who finds the signs. First, when she wakes up in the middle of the night to find the kitchen a mess, food strewn all over the floor.

(MA looks down at the ground to see discarded burgers, hot dogs, paper plates, and napkins all over the place.)

MA:  It’s easy to see how that happened.   I guess these gray aliens never heard of garbage cans.

Dark-Skies

LS: A few nights later, she wakes up, goes downstairs, and finds the kitchen in some kind of “ritualistic” state, with all of the appliances and other objects stacked in huge, intricate columns, forming geometric shadows on the ceiling. It appears that someone is breaking into their house late at night to do these things.

They try several different ways to solve what’s happening. First, they call the police, but the cop (Josh Stamberg) who arrives seems dead set on the idea that the kids must be behind it, acting out any “issues” they might have with their parents. He suggests they reactivate their burglar alarm (which they let lapse, due to the bills), and they do, but it just adds to the confusion, going off at all hours of the night, with no clear reason. Daniel eventually installs some video cameras throughout the house. And that’s when the movie really gets into PARANORMAL ACTVITY mode. Every day he checks the film, and he starts noticing that certain times at night, around 3:00AM to be exact, the cameras start to malfunction for a few minutes. He’s finally able to get some kind of handle on what’s going on, and it looks like someone might be getting into the house (although the images are blurry and hard to decipher).

MA: I had to laugh during these scenes because he camps out in front of the computer monitor to watch the footage.  Why? He falls asleep anyway and plays back the footage in the morning Why not just go to bed? Why does he have to sit in front of the computer? It’s not like he’s standing guard.

LS: You’re right! It’s just an excuse for him to sit there, in front of a bank of video screens, all night. What’s the point, when he falls asleep anyway?

But there are other manifestations as well. Members of the family are found in weird trances. They have blackouts where they don’t know what happened for large chunks of time. The kids have weird bruises on their bodies (which other people assume the parents are responsible for). Birds fly into the windows of their house, killing themselves for no apparent reason. Lacy does some research online and they find a supposed expert on the subject, Edwin Pollard (J.K. Simmons who was so great as Schillinger on the HBO series OZ, and has since appeared in tons of things, most notably as J. Jonah Jameson in the Sam Raimi SPIDER-MAN movies). Pollard tells them he knows exactly what they’re going through, because it happened to him as well….

For some inexplicable reason, aliens have randomly chosen them, and they are making their lives a living hell. The Barrett family decides to take matters into their own hands and fight back.

ALIEN 1: Tell us that the aliens win!

ALIEN 2: Yeah, I bet we kick those humans’ butts!

(ALIENS shout and pump their fists again)

LS: While DARK SKIES did seem to follow a similar pattern to the multiple “ghost/demon in the house” kinds of movies we’ve been seeing lately, it was still pretty engrossing, and the pacing for this one is pretty good.

MA (laughing): I often wonder if we see the same movies some times. While I generally enjoyed this movie, I didn’t enjoy the pacing. I thought it dragged towards the end, when it should have been building up steam towards an exciting conclusion I thought the ending was blah.

LS: I didn’t think the ending was that bad. DARK SKIES grabs you pretty early on and you’re in suspense throughout, wondering what is going to happen next.

MA: I was interested throughout, but I didn’t find it all that suspenseful. I rarely felt on the edge of my seat.

LS: Director Scott Stewart, who also wrote the screenplay, was also responsible for the movies LEGION (2009), which I thought had an interesting idea, but which kind of fell apart as it went along; and PRIEST (2011), which seemed like just another UNDERWORLD rehash, and which I didn’t like at all; two films I really didn’t enjoy all that much. Stewart acquits himself nicely in DARK SKIES. I thought this one was a big improvement.

MA: I’ll agree with you there. I liked DARK SKIES better than LEGION and PRIEST.

LS: The family is fleshed out nicely. Because of the tensions within the family, mostly due to unemployment, I was able to sympathize with them right away, and grow to care about what happens to them.

MA: I’ll agree with you here, too. I thought the family was fleshed out nicely too, and I definitely bought into their tensions over money and over the dad being out of work. I loved the brief scene where his job interview goes sour. You can just see the pain in his face.

LS: I think most people these days can relate.

MA: The set up to this story works, because as you said, you find yourself caring for these people.

LS: I’ve always been a fan of Keri Russell (she was also great in a little indie movie called WAITRESS, 2007), and it was great to see her in a movie again (while it feels like she dropped off the map for a while after FELICITY was canceled, IMBD.com shows that she’s been working pretty steadily since, mostly in smaller roles, but it’s nice to have her back as a lead.

MA: Yep, Russell is very good here.

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LS: The kids are believable as well, and while Kadan Rockett as Sam was bit too “cutesy” for my tastes, with his lisp and big eyes, I thought Dakota Goyo was really good as teenager Jesse. In this kind of the movies, the casting of the kids is very important, and for the most part, it works here.

The script progression is believable. The family takes an understandable amount of time to come to grips with what they are dealing with (something most people would have a hard time believing for a while, before finally breaking down). There’s some good suspense. I also liked the score by Joseph Bishara, who was recently interviewed in Barry Dejasu’s SCORING HORROR column.

MA:  Yes, there were some scary bits in the soundtrack, a low undercurrent of menacing notes in just the right places.

LS:  And the acting by everyone involved, including those who play friends and neighbors, is pretty good.

MA: I dunno. That’s one problem I had with the story. I thought the dad took forever to buy into what was going on. There’s one key scene where he and his wife are arguing about it, and she’s telling him what she believes, and he tells her he refuses to go there, because the idea that aliens are involved is crazy, and I was just waiting for her to ask him the obvious question: if not aliens, what? What’s your take on all this? And of course, she doesn’t ask.

I also found the scenes with the police officer frustrating. He tells them it’s their kids, and again, I was waiting for some obvious questions, like after the scene where all their photographs disappear, and the officer again blames their kids. The frames are all still in perfect order, none of them askew, none of them looking as if they’ve even been touched- what kid is that particular when removing pictures? Wouldn’t you expect some of them to be moved this way or that, or knocked over? I just expected the parents to push a little harder with their concerns. I mean, there’s some pretty freakish stuff going on, and they let a police officer tell them it’s just their kids. I didn’t buy it.

LS: There are some good creepy moments here. And we really feel what this family is up against. Even when they get a guard dog and some guns, determined to defend their home, we know it’s not going to be an easy fight.

I give DARK SKIES, three knives. What did you think of it, Michael?

(ALIENS cheer)

ALIEN 1: Well, you could have given it a better score, but glad you didn’t trash it.

ALIEN 2: I was a creative consultant on this one!

MA: I liked it slightly less than you. In terms of characterization and set up, it worked for me. I was definitely on board with these folks.

But that’s about it. I didn’t find this one that creepy or suspenseful at all. I think part of it is what I said at the beginning of the column, that this style of filmmaking is already becoming repetitive. It didn’t do anything with the material I hadn’t seen before. To me, it played like PARANORMAL ACTIVITY “lite.”

That’s not to say I didn’t find a lot of what was going on interesting, because I did. There’s a lot going on in this story, and most of it I liked. The strange goings on at night, the birds flying into the house, the weird behaviors and marks on the family’s bodies, all of it caught my attention and held my interest. It just didn’t blow me away, mostly because it never really jumped to the next level, where I was on the edge of my seat or truly scared.

And I thought the ending was kind of dumb, the whole bit where they’re going to defend their family against the aliens, so they buy a gun, a dog, and board up their home. Who does that?

LS: How about people who are being hounded by aliens!

But really, the neighbors must think they’re bonkers!

MA:  I thought they were bonkers at this point!

LS:  Which makes me wonder about something. These people are not living in the middle of nowhere. They live in a densely populated neighborhood. Yet no one else sees these aliens attacking their house? You’d think someone would be curious about what’s going on over there, or someone would at least have insomnia and look at their house late at night. All these crazy things are happening to them, inside and outside their house, and NO ONE ELSE NOTICES?

MA: Especially after that bird scene.  I mean, it’s like a scene out of THE BIRDS (1963), and there are bird carcasses all over the place, and yet, we never see any neighbors come over and ask what’s going on or even offer words of concern or support!  What a tough neighborhood!

LS: Yeah, the neighbors only seem interested when the hazmat crew comes to collect the carcasses. They don’t even seem to be aware towards the end when aliens force their way into the house and shotguns start firing.

It’s kind of laughable, if you think about it too much. Somehow, despite this, I still enjoyed the movie.

MA: It just didn’t ring true to me.  And getting back to my point about the ending, this family has already seen what the aliens can do, and they think a gun is going to make a difference? A dog? I half expected a dark ending where their efforts would backfire and they would inadvertently hurt each other, but DARK SKIES, in spite of its title, isn’t that dark.

And could J.K. Simmons’s alien expert Edwin Pollard have been any more relaxed? He nearly put me to sleep! It’s one of the most important scenes in the movie, when they finally seek out the help of an expert, and Pollard speaks to them in such a soothing laid back voice I felt my eyelids drooping.

LS: I thought he played a guy who was just tired of fighting all the time. Someone who was weary and defeated and felt like there wasn’t a lot he could do anymore. I liked Simmons here.

MA: Don’t get me wrong.  I always like Simmons, but in this case he’s in his tiny low lit apartment sipping tea, I half expected him to start singing a lullaby.

And his help was about as effective as putting a band aid on a bullet wound!  “Aliens are studying you. Beware!” Whatever, dude. I mean, he doesn’t even offer to go to their house with them.

DARK SKIES grabbed me on an intellectual level, but it didn’t win me over on an emotional level. While I was interested throughout, I never felt all that into it. I felt like I was watching a drama about alien possession, not a thriller.

Maybe this one will play on Lifetime. I’m joking. It has more teeth than that, but barely.

I give it two and a half knives.

ALIENS: BOOOO!

MA: Quit complaining!  Two and a half knives is not much different from the rating LL gave it!

ALIEN 1: You clearly didn’t like it. You’re a jerk.

MA: I come out here in the middle of winter and cook you all up some burgers and hot dogs, and you call me a jerk?

ALIEN 2: Jerky jerk!

(The rest of the aliens start chanting “Jerky jerk” over and over)

MA: SHUT UP! That’s it. We’re done here And now that the aliens have had their fill of burgers and hot dogs, maybe we can finally eat something.

LS: Good luck with that There’s nothing left.

MA: Yeah, it’s all over the yard (turning to aliens) What’s up with you folks? Don’t you know how to eat?

ALIEN 1: Oh, we don’t eat burgers and hot dogs We just like to throw them around.

ALIEN 2: Yeah, for us, food is like toys.

ALIEN 1: Look I made a replica of the Death Star from STAR WARS out of buns!

ALIEN 2: Cool!

MA: Thanks for telling us! What a waste of food!

ALIEN 2: But it’s so much fun!

ALIEN 1: And you know what’s even more fun than throwing food around? Stomping on it!

(Aliens jump and down, stomping, hooting, and howling, as MA & LS walk away shaking their heads.)

—END—

© Copyright 2013 by Michael Arruda & L.L Soares

Michael Arruda gives DARK SKIES ~ two and a half knives!

LL Soares gives DARK SKIES ~three knives.

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Bill’s Bizarre Bijou: THE GREEN SLIME (1968)

Posted in "So Bad They're Good" Movies, 2012, 60s Movies, Aliens, Asian Horror, Bill's Bizarre Bijou, Campy Movies, Japanese Cinema, Monsters, Science Fiction, William Carl Articles with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2012 by knifefighter

Bill’s Bizarre Bijou

William D. Carl

This Week’s Feature Presentation:

THE GREEN SLIME (1968)

Welcome to Bill’s Bizarre Bijou, where you’ll discover the strangest films ever made.  If there are alien women with too much eye-shadow and miniskirts, if papier-mâché monsters are involved, if your local drive-in insisted this be the last show in their dusk till dawn extravaganza, or if it’s just plain unclassifiable—then I’ve seen it and probably loved it.   Now, I’m here to share these little gems with you, so you too can stare in disbelief at your television with your mouth dangling open.  Trust me, with these flicks, you won’t believe your eyes!

Remember the terrific 1960s mod science fiction Gamma 3 movies directed by Antonio Margheriti?  Beginning with WILD, WILD PLANET (1965) to THE SNOW DEVILS (1967), these spaghetti outer space movies were gloriously whacked-out pieces of cinematic fun.  They all centered on the citizens of the Gamma 3 space station orbiting the Earth and they featured some of the greatest Sixties clothing and hair, and a young Franco Nero and Tony Russel as space captains, continuously saving the world.

Well, there was another Gamma 3 movie made in 1968.  The Japanese somehow got their hands on the rights to the series and populated it with American and Italian actors, filmed it in English, based on a story by Ivan Reiner—who did the other Gamma 3 stores—with a script by Bill Finger who penned several episodes of the campy 1966 BATMAN TV series, and directed by a man who didn’t understand a word of English, and damned if they didn’t somehow create one of the most entertaining sci-fi monster features of the era!

They even gave it a rocking theme song by Richard Delvy, the drummer for the first California surf band, the Bel-Aires!  This theme song is so warped and crazed, with a growling Delvy roaring over wah-wah wicky-wicky guitars and Theremin warbles that it perfectly sets the mood for all the insanity that is to follow.  Don’t believe me at how great the song is?  Here’s a clip.

A few years ago, dance floor diva Josie Cotton remade this on her wonderful album of B-Movie tributes “Invasion of the B-Girls.”  Here’s that version…

Directed by Kenji Fukasaka (TORA TORA TORA – 1970, VIRUS – 1980, BATTLE ROYALE – 2000), THE GREEN SLIME starts with one of those cheap 1960s models of a space station that looks as if it were made in Mrs. Johnson’s art class with the glue and string still showing.  It’s Gamma 3, with a whole new interior that looks a heck of a lot better than the Italian version.  During a routine weather report, they accidentally discover an asteroid, and it’s heading on a collision course with Earth!  Cue montage of scientists earnestly working over typewriters (I guess the future didn’t have word processors).

The general has sent for Commander Jack Rankin, played by steel-jawed, wooden-faced Robert Horton (WAGON TRAIN – 1957-1962).  A young lieutenant says, “What’s Rankin doing here?  He’s tendered his resignation.  You can’t send him on a mission like this where the chances are next to zero.”  He’s ordered to join back up with his old partner, Vince Elliott played by constantly teeth-grinding, jaw-clenching fury by Richard Jaeckel (3:10 TO YUMA – 1957, THE DIRTY DOZEN – 1967, STARMAN – 1984).  At 7:00 the next morning, the asteroid, now dubbed Flora, will collide with Earth, so the duo must place explosives on it and blow it to kingdom come.  Hey, did the writers of ARMAGGEDON (1998) see this?

Toy ships zip around, and there’s that same gee-whiz feeling as the Italian films of the series, as though I was a little kid again, sailing my model spaceships around the back yard and making zoom-zoom noises.  It’s completely silly, but it still works, even when the strings are visible.

The GREEN SLIME attacks!

Upon arrival at Gamma 3, Elliott has to hand over his command to Rankin.  Vince’s girlfriend, Dr. Lisa Benson (the gorgeous, stunning, monotoned Luciana Paluzzi of THUNDERBALL – 1965 and a former Miss France) informs Elliott that Jack Rankin means nothing to her anymore.  She doesn’t even want to see him when he boards the station.  Five minutes later, she’s saying goodbye to the two men while wearing a silver lame’ jumper and some seriously piled-up hair.  When her eyes meet Rankin’s, it’s a whole other story.

They make it to Flora despite the fragility of their spaceship model by using a device that looks suspiciously like a Spirograph toy.  The asteroid is little more than barren rocks except for pools of the titular green slime.  The sets here look an awful lot like STAR TREK.  The men have soon set their explosives while Dr. Benson watches it all on television from Gamma 3.  Meanwhile, weird kabuki music plays in the background – boing, ping…ping ping……strum.  One of the crew finds a pulsating mass of glowing green slime, and he collects a specimen.  Some of the slime crawls on its own volition onto the crew’s equipment.  It’s alive!  And one of the crewmen has some on his pants leg!

The astronauts get back in their ship to outrun the blast.  Zipping as fast as their support strings will allow—at least ten Gs.  The G forces are so strong, the pilot can’t get his hand to the controls, but that doesn’t stop Jack Rankin.  He leaps from his seat, grabs the controls, and pushes them forward while activating the force field!  The Earth is saved!

Or is it?  Duh – duh – duuuh!

Back on Gamma 3, Vince and Jack vie for the attentions of the lovely Dr. Benson while the crew is decontaminated from the mission.  Who can clench their jaw the longest?  Can Jack woo Lisa away from his former best friend, Vince?  Is it over between the ex-lovers?  They all try to be civil during the swinging “Earth is Saved” party, where everyone dances as if they’re in a Charlie Brown cartoon to jammin’ trumpet jazz.

A riveting hospital scene in THE GREEN SLIME.

Meanwhile, the slime on the pants leg grows and electrocutes the man in charge of the decontamination of the clothes worn by the crew that flew to the asteroid.  More people are found electrocuted, and a weird creature is revealed on the main deck.  It’s got a green, squished down body covered in scales, long tentacles with dainty red claws on the end that shoot off sparks, and a single red eyeball.  This is an insanely silly looking monster, not scary at all, but hilarious, as if designed by Sid and Marty Krofft.  It walks while waving its tentacles around and making a noise like a dolphin with a head cold.  The creature runs amok, electrocuting numerous redshirts and destroying various computers and equipment.

Jack Rankin decides to hang around Gamma 3, not only to help kill the monster but also to continue seducing Lisa (who seems rather receptive to his advances – Bad Lisa!).

It seems the monster’s blood acts as reproductive organs, so every time the things are shot, they are making more of themselves through their emerald blood spatter.  They can heal themselves, too.  Electricity makes them grow at an incredible rate.  Of course, nobody tells anyone this, so when the monsters attack the hospital ward, the soldiers shoot the crap out of the beasts, creating hundreds of monsters out of a few.  They spread throughout the C-Block, but not before Gamma 3 is quarantined.

The GREEN SLIME in all its glory!

A brilliant plan is hatched by Vince.  All energy will be switched off except a single generator in C-Block that will lure the creatures away from the humans, and then isolating it in a storage room, trapping the slimy things.  The space station goes dark as the energy switches off, but it made me wonder how everyone was still breathing.  Oh well, pass the popcorn.  The squeaking midget monsters go right for the generator, waving their claws in the air like disco dancing crustaceans.  Taking it upon himself to be the hero, Jack Rankin leads the monsters away from the humans and into an airlock.  Vince saves him when dozens of the beasts attack him at once.  The air lock gets blocked, more things go terribly wrong, and Vince and Jack have to face each other down over whether to save a trapped scientist or not.  It turns out to be a moot point as the scientist gets fried by the monsters, and it all ends in a shoot-out, and one whole wing of Gamma 3 explodes and catches fire.  Interestingly enough, in space, flames and smoke on toy space stations still rise just like on Earth!

When the C-Block blows out, only a few creatures are killed while the rest escape to the outside of the space station, getting healed by the rays of the sun . . . and they’re growing!  Rankin decides to evacuate and destroy Gamma 3.  Of course, Vince is having none of it.  Fisticuffs result, and Vince is hauled away and arrested.  Unfortunately, the escape hatch has been sealed by the creatures, who march around on the exterior of the station like hundreds of tiny SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS.  The only way to clear the hatch is to go outside with jetpacks and lasers and blast away at the little buggers.  Elliott leads the attack, floating around the set on visible wires and firing lasers into the glowing red eyes of the creatures.

Lisa gets everyone off the ship except for the last evacuation vessel.  There isn’t enough energy left to get Gamma 3 to self-destruct, so Rankin must return to the hordes of green slime monsters and manually set the explosives.  Not wanting to miss all the action, Vince runs in after him to help.  Will they make it out alive?  Will the last ship of evacuees get to Earth?  Who will Lisa choose in the end, Elliot or Rankin?

No, this isn’t the Nickelodeon Channel. You don’t want to get anywhere near THIS green slime!!

Who cares when here are hundreds of midgets in rubber monster suits gleefully running around with sparklers in their tentacles?  From the wild theme song (available on a 45!), to the garish Technicolor photography, to the over-the-top acting of the heroes and the non-acting (yet extremely hot) redheaded heroine, THE GREEN SLIME is a blast.  Kids will cheer the valiant men and women of Gamma 3, while adults will groan at the strained dialogue and delight in the sheer audaciousness of it all.  It’s a candy-colored science fiction movie, full of innocence, monsters, and funky 60s hairdos.  How can you go wrong?

THE GREEN SLIME is available in a beautiful widescreen, restored print from Warner Archives.

I give THE GREEN SLIME three clenched jaws out of four.

© Copyright 2012 by William D. Carl

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ATTACK THE BLOCK (2011)

Posted in 2011, Aliens, Indie Horror, LL Soares Reviews, Monsters, Outer Space, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , on December 20, 2011 by knifefighter

ATTACK THE BLOCK (2011)
Movie Review by L.L. Soares

There were a few movies that got a lot of buzz this year, despite very limited theatrical releases and pretty much going straight to DVD. These include STAKE LAND, YELLOWBRICKROAD (both of which will be reviewed here in the coming weeks), and ATTACK THE BLOCK.

Currently available on DVD and on cable OnDemand, ATTACK THE BLOCK has a simple enough premise: aliens come down to earth in meteorites one night and a handful of street kids have to save the world by taking them on. If only it was that easy.

When we first see the street gang (made up of teenagers in a London housing project), they’re mugging a nurse named Sam (Jodie Whittaker), who just wants to get back to her apartment in one piece. Soon after they rob her at knife-point, leader Moses (John Boyega) finds a toothy little alien in a car that has been struck by a meteor (which he then tries to rob). It bites him in the face, and he swears revenge. The kids chase the thing to a work shed where they bombard it with firecrackers and then stomp it to death.

They then carry the dead alien around town to show it off to their friends. This leads them to the penthouse apartment of Ron (Nick Frost from SHAUN OF THE DEAD, 2004), a pot dealer who works for the volatile gangsta, Hi-Hatz (Jumayn Hunter). Moses asks if they can keep the alien in the secret pot-growing room, since they’re sure someone will pay big money for it. Hi-Hatz agrees, but in return gives Moses some heroin to sell, telling him it’s time for him to step up to the next level.

That little alien wasn’t the only visitor to earth that night, however. More meteors fall to earth, and soon there are lots of great, big, furry monsters with glow-in-the-dark teeth that make the first alien look like a muppet—and they’re angry! The monsters infect the block, seeming to hone in on Moses and his gang for some reason. The kids try to stay alive by staying one step ahead of the beasties, as well as the police who are swarming the neighborhood.

At one point, Moses is grabbed by the cops and thrown in a police van, but the monsters make quick work of the lawmen before they can bring him in. At this point Moses and Sam (who was being driven around to ID the hoodlums) join forces and her nursing talents come in handy when one of the gang, Pest (Alex Esmail) get his leg all bit up.

The rest of the movie is pretty much a chase flick, as Moses and the kids run from monsters, cops, and then an angry Hi-Hatz who comes after them shooting his gun off when they accidentally drive the police van into his car.

Despite the fact that this was clearly a low-budget movie, it has pretty good production values, and the monsters aren’t half  bad. They look like big, black furry bears with no eyes (one kid says they’re a cross between gorillas and wolves), and those glowing teeth are kind of a cool effect. Since the monsters are shown A LOT in this movie, especially toward the end, they could pretty much ruin the film if they looked too hokey. But these creatures look believable enough, even if the filmmakers clearly didn’t have a lot of cash to work with.

The acting is also very good, despite the lack of big name stars (except for Frost, who is mostly here for comic relief, along with a rich boy customer named Brewis, played by Luke Treadaway). Whittaker is very good as Sam the nurse, and the kids who play the gang are all pretty effective, especially Boyega as 15-year-old gang leader Moses (as the movie goes on, you’re surprised how young these kids are— or at least are supposed to be).

I have to admit, I started off rooting for the aliens, since I didn’t like the kids at all. But, as it went along, thanks to good writing and acting, I slowly warmed to the gang members, even the more annoying ones.

Also along for the ride are some teenage girls who are friends of Moses and the gang, led by a girl named Tia (Danielle Vitalis), as well as two 9-year-old wannabe gangsters named Probs (Sammy Williams) and Mayhem (Michael Ajao) who follow the gang around, and are good for some laughs.

This is a pretty impressive debut from director/writer, Joe Cornish, whose work before this was mostly for British television. He was also one of the screenwriters for the upcoming Steven Spielberg film, THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN.

The plot is kept pretty simple and straightforward throughout, which is a good thing, since it would have lost momentum if it got overly complicated. And, for the most part, it works. I can see why this one has been getting so much positive buzz.

I don’t think ATTACK THE BLOCK is one of the best movies I’ve seen this year, but it was definitely better than I expected, and deserves a rental.

I give it two and a half knives.

© Copyright 2011 by L.L. Soares

L.L. Soares gives ATTACK THE BLOCK ~ two and a half knives!

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Bill’s Bizarre Bijou: THE SNOW DEVILS (1967)

Posted in 2011, 60s Movies, Aliens, Bill's Bizarre Bijou, Campy Movies, Foreign Films, Fun Stuff!, William Carl Articles, Yetis with tags , , , , , , on December 8, 2011 by knifefighter

Bill’s Bizarre Bijou

William D. Carl

This Week’s Feature Presentation:

THE SNOW DEVILS (1967)

Welcome to Bill’s Bizarre Bijou, where you’ll discover the strangest films ever made. If there are alien women with too much eye-shadow and miniskirts, if papier-mâché monsters are involved, if your local drive-in insisted this be the last show in their dusk till dawn extravaganza, or if it’s just plain unclassifiable—then I’ve seen it and probably loved it. Now, I’m here to share these little gems with you so you too can stare in disbelief at your television with your mouth dangling open. Trust me, with these flicks, you won’t believe your eyes.

Ah, 1960s Italian science fiction, where women in go-go boots and massively piled-up hair joined forces with chiseled slabs of men to fight dastardly villains on cut-rate sets. It’s sheer bliss for me. Many of these ‘spaghetti space operas’ are deadly dull and terribly dubbed with a budget that wouldn’t cover the craft service table on STAR WARS (1977), but that’s all a part of the charm for me. You’ve never seen so many handsome muscular men and hourglass-figured women in any genre other than the Italian Peplum (or gladiator/Hercules) films of the previous decade. The sets and special effects are gamely stapled or scotch-taped together and often resemble toys, which is perfect, actually, as the film-makers are playing, and they want us to play along with them. I will joyfully join in the fun.

Perhaps the best of the bunch of crazy sci-fi flicks of the Sixties was a quartet of movies all made in 1965, but dubbed into English and released in the U.S. over a period of three years, a loose “series” of flicks called GAMMA ONE. Directed by the prolific and terrific Antonio Margheriti (DEATH RAGE – 1976, YOR, HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE-1983, KILLER FISH – 1979) under the moniker Anthony Dawson, the GAMMA ONE films can be watched in any order, as characters on the GAMMA ONE space station come and go, on earth and orbiting it on the station. The plots don’t interconnect in any way except by the use of recycled reels of special effects footage. Actors change roles as often as they chug cocktails. However, if you are a purist, you should start with the first of the four movies produced—THE SNOW DEVILS (1967), even though it was the last to reach the American drive-in theaters. In any case, it’s more earthbound than the sequels, and the movie is a real whack-job, throwing in everything but the kitchen sink to please the seven-year-old viewer in all of us!

We open on a grouping of toys meant to represent a weather station in the Himalayas. Men in pajama-esque running suits read charts and play with blinking buttons. The commander informs his officers that the temperature atop one mountain suddenly rose by fifty degrees for no reason (take THAT Al Gore!). Suddenly, the windows break, and the room fills with snow and ice. A dark shadow appears, and the commander looks up and screams in terror.

Cue a groovy Sixties instrumental rock song that sounds a bit like The Animals, and the credits roll over stock footage of snowy mountains. The music’s catchy and written by Angelo Francesco Lavagnino, who scored over two hundred films, including GORGO (1961) and Orson Welles’s OTHELLO (1952). I can just imagine the girls in cages wildly go-go dancing to this song in Swinging London in 1967.

Now, we’re on the spinning space station, GAMMA ONE, another toy on a visible string. Inspector Sanchez (Halina Zalewska – THE LONG HAIR OF DEATH, 1964) appears wearing a gold and silver lame jumper and—be still my heart—green eye shadow ( Yowza!). She’s directed to contact vacationing Commander Rod Jackson (Giacomo Rossi-Stuart from KILL BABY KILL – 1966 and MACABRE – 1969) who sports a firm jaw, leathery tanned skin, and some seriously styled-up blond hair. They’re ordered to the weather station, and they leave behind their bikini-clad fans and chess-playing, wise-cracking kids and investigate. There are proton force fields being activated in the Himalayas! It turns out this is exactly where the weather station was attacked, and every man killed except for Lt. Jim Harris (Renato Baldini from ESTHER AND THE KING – 1960). Enter lovely Lisa Nielson, the fiancée of the abducted Lt. Harris, and she’s carrying a cast of a giant footprint of a Yeti. She’s played by the lovely blue-eye-shadow-wearing Ombretta Colli (who oddly played Inspector Sanchez in another GAMMA ONE flick, WAR OF THE PLANETS – 1966, as well as appearing in THE BLANCHEVILLE MONSTER – 1963).

Space has never been this FAR OUT, MAN!

Jackson and his comedy-relief partner Frank (Goffredo Unger of BLOOD AND BLACK LACE – 1964) go to the Himalayas, where their heli-jet is bombed and they discover they are being followed by Lisa Nielson, who doesn’t believe her fiancée is dead. They hire a local guide, Sharu (played by Wilbert Bradley of CODE OF SILENCE – 1985), and they head into the mountains to that great groovy theme music that makes me wanna do the monkey in my living room. The photography here is really striking, as they all wear different colored snow suits in front of crisp, gorgeous scenery.

Meanwhile, the weather is getting crazier. Floods break out, hurricanes, storms, melting polar caps—all told to us through newscasts, but never shown. Rod Jackson speaks into a giant Viewmaster to communicate with the space station after setting up camp, and Lisa starts getting awfully cozy with Rod, considering she’s searching for her lost fiancé. What a hussy! They are abandoned by their men and captured by seven-foot-tall, blue, hairy men with brown mutton-chop sideburns. It’s the Snow Devils themselves, but they aren’t Yetis. They’re aliens pretending to be abominable snowmen, a race called the Aytia, whose planet is dead. They’re preparing Earth to become an ice planet by means of a ray on an outpost on Callisto, a moon of Jupiter. Their leader, played by Furio Meniconi (DEEP RED -1975), shows them his laboratory, which contains blinking rainbows of neon and machines that go “beep-beep” and “boop-boop,” and have enough blinking lights to give an epileptic a dozen seizures. He gives a long, exposition-laden speech and takes them to Jim, who seems way too old for Lisa and her girl-group wig. Banding together, they escape, wearing weird gas masks, mixing chemicals into a lethal brew, and beating the hell out of any Snow Devil they find that isn’t rendered unconscious by the gaseous mixture. There’s a laser gun battle, where the guns spit sparks just like one I had as a kid. The leader is killed, but there’s still that pesky ray that’s going to shoot us from Callisto.

The group rides in a bubble car (definitely a toy) back to civilization, where we get to see terrific stock footage of the polar caps melting and wild flooding. Nagasaki is wiped out! So, we’re off on a mission to destroy the base on Jupiter’s moon. I wouldn’t call it thrilling, unless you’re seven years old, and there’s too much talking in small rooms (“The first thing to do is stop pressing the panic button!” “What about our generator flux density?”). Still, it’s Gamma One to the rescue, in cute little rockets. Will they save the world? Is there ever any doubt?

Take a peek at the future of space travel!

THE SNOW DEVILS is a silly G-rated mélange of a film, combining cryptozoology and space stations, atomic rays and proton fields, with Himalayan Sherpa rituals, all set to that fabulous rock guitar music. We get snowstorms and aliens and explosions and pretty people making goo-goo eyes at each other. In the words of Cole Porter, “Who could ask for anything more?” Well, a bit more coherence and better pacing would have helped, as well as improved dubbing for a start. Also, a lot of it is dependent upon stock footage and too much of it seems set-bound. THE SNOW DEVILS is flawed—deeply flawed—but it’s still good clean colorful fun.

THE SNOW DEVILS is followed by WILD, WILD PLANET (1965), WAR OF THE PLANETS (1966), and PLANET ON THE PROWL (1966). A fifth GAMMA ONE film was made in 1968, totally unconnected to the others. It is the beloved THE GREEN SLIME. I’ll be reviewing these in the months to come.

Warner Brothers Archive offers a beautifully restored DVD of all the GAMMA ONE films, except PLANET ON THE PROWL.

I give THE SNOW DEVILS two and a half fake yetis.

© Copyright 2011 by William D. Carl

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Friday Night Knife Fights: ALIEN VS. THE THING – PART 2

Posted in 1980s Horror, 2011, Aliens, Classic Films, Friday Night Knife Fights, John Carpenter Films, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , on November 18, 2011 by knifefighter

FRIDAY NIGHT KNIFE FIGHTS:  ALIEN VS. THE THING
PART 2
Featuring Michael Arruda, L.L. Soares, and “special guest star” Mark Onspaugh

MICHAEL ARRUDA:  Welcome back to FRIDAY NIGHT KNIFE FIGHTS:  ALIEN (1979) VS. THE THING (1982).  Tonight it’s Part 2, as L.L. SOARES, MARK ONSPAUGH, and myself continue our panel discussion over which of these two horror science fiction classics is the better movie.

Ready for Part 2, guys?

MARK ONSPAUGH:  Bring it on!

L.L. SOARES:  Let me just down this beer first  (guzzles from a giant can of FOSTERS).

MA:  Hope that doesn’t cloud your judgment.

LS:  Don’t worry.  When it comes to talking about movies, I can do it in my sleep.

MA:  Which you’ve done on some occasions.

LS:  Yeah, and I still make more sense than you do. (laughs).

MO:  Uh oh.  Here we go again.

MA: There’s never a cream pie around when you need one.

MO:  Would you like me to get one?

MA:  Maybe later. Moving right along, let’s get back to our discussion.

Watch out! THE THING is coming to get you!

In Part 1, both Rounds went to ALIEN, and so ALIEN leads THE THING 2-0.  On to Question 3.

Which film has the better special effects?

I’ll answer this one first.  Hands down, I like the special effects in THE THING better.  I thought the gross-out effects in this movie were ahead of their time. And better yet, they still hold up today.

On the other hand, while I love the look of the Alien, we don’t see him a whole lot.  Now, I’m not faulting the fact that we don’t see him a lot, because this actually works to the movie’s advantage, but when we do see him, it’s quick and fleeting, and visually not all that impressive.  It’s still scary, but in terms of special effects, it doesn’t pack the same punch as the effects in THE THING.

For me it’s a no brainer.  The special effects in THE THING are better.

A dead unearthly astronaut on an alien ship in ALIEN

MO:  I disagree.  I don’t find the special effects in ALIEN disappointing at all.  Both films have awesome effects, in a time when rubber and paint still ruled… But THE THING takes place in Quonset huts—while ALIEN gives us a battered ship, an alien planet, an alien ship… and a decapitated android…. I have to give the nod to ALIEN when it comes to special effects.

LS:  You seem to have forgotten all that, Michael.

MA:  No, I haven’t forgotten.  I love the look of the Nostromo, the alien planet, the abandoned alien ship, the different stages of the alien, all that’s cool.  But in terms of pure impact, the way the special effects were used in THE THING, they were unforgettable.  To me, the best part of THE THING were its special effects, its creature effects in particular.  I can’t say that about ALIEN.

LS:  They both have great effects for their time, and if you watch them now, both films have scenes where the effects are pretty strong, and other scenes that look dated and even silly now.

MA:  Really?  I think they hold up rather well.

LS:  That’s because you look dated and silly, too.

MA (suddenly wearing a 1970s leisure suit):  What do you mean?

LS:  Overall, though, I’d have to go with THE THING, just because the monster is constantly changing. It’s just more of a field day for the effects people.

MA:  Yep, that’s what I’m talking about.  The special effects in THE THING are a more integral part of the movie than they are in ALIEN.

Round 3 goes to THE THING, which means THE THING finally scores a point and gets on the board, cutting into ALIEN’s lead. After three rounds, ALIEN holds a 2-1 advantage.

Next question.  Which film’s director does a better job, John Carpenter or Ridley Scott?

LS:  I’m a big Carpenter fan, especially THE THING, which is probably my favorite of his movies, up there with the original HALLOWEEN (1978). But ALIEN gets the edge here for me. I’d have to say Scott does a slightly better job at generating real scares.

MA:  I agree with you here.  Ridley Scott creates some genuinely creepy scenes.  He pulls out all stops in terms of creative direction.  ALIEN is full of suspense.  Strangely, Carpenter, who made a cinematic masterpiece of suspense with HALLOWEEN, seems to have forgotten all that with THE THING, which really isn’t suspense-driven.  It’s a showcase for gross-out effects, and while this certainly works for me, it’s a far cry from Carpenter’s work on HALLOWEEN.

LS:  Come on!  Carpenter’s work on THE THING is great!  It’s every bit as good as his work on HALLOWEEN, maybe better!

MA:  I disagree.  I think his work on HALLOWEEN is more impressive, but that’s neither here nor there.  We both agree that Ridley Scott does a better job at the helm of ALIEN.

MO:  Both directors give us fleshed-out worlds, paranoia, claustrophobia and disturbing imagery… But I found ALIEN scary whereas THE THING was more thrilling… Based on being scared, I go with Ridley.

MA:  Looks like ALIEN is going for the clean sweep with this question because I’m going with Ridley Scott too.

LS:  Didn’t you already say that?

MA:  Well, I said it in response to your answer, but I haven’t given my answer yet.

LS:  I think we’re in for some repetition.

MO:  As long as it’s about ALIEN and THE THING, I don’t mind.  I could talk about these movies all night.

MA:  Like you LL, I’m also a huge fan of John Carpenter, but I still have to go with Ridley Scott.  The strength of ALIEN is the suspense it generates, and ALIEN is so chockfull of suspense it’s downright uncomfortable at times.  The scene where Tom Skerritt (Dallas) travels through the air ducts searching for the Alien armed with a flame thrower is a classic nail biter.

I’ve always felt Carpenter’s direction in THE THING was not as inspired as his direction of HALLOWEEN or even THE FOG (1980).  There’s a strange use of fades in THE THING that’s very noticeable.  I’m sure he did this for a reason, but to me it’s very awkward.

Looks like Round 4 goes to ALIEN, and so folks, after four rounds, ALIEN has a commanding lead, 3-1.

And that’s all the time we have for tonight.  Join us next Friday for the third and final installment of FRIDAY NIGHT KNIFE FIGHTS:  ALIEN VS. THE THING, when we’ll decide once and for all which one of these two horror classics is the superior film, and with ALIEN sitting comfortably in the lead, it remains to be seen if THE THING will be able to mount a comeback.

LS:  I wouldn’t count THE THING out yet.

MA: Thanks, Mark, for joining us again.  We’ll be looking forward to finishing this up with you next week.

MO:  Likewise.  Thanks, guys, it’s been awesome!

LS (to audience):  And thank you for joining us.  We’ll see you next Friday for the exciting conclusion to ALIEN vs. THE THING.

MA:  Good night everybody.

—END of PART 2—

© Copyright 2011 by Michael Arruda, L.L. Soares and Mark Onspaugh

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COWBOYS & ALIENS

Posted in 2011, Aliens, Blockbusters, Cinema Knife Fights, Monsters, Westerns with tags , , , , , , , on August 1, 2011 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: COWBOYS & ALIENS (2011)
By Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

(THE SCENE: A saloon in the old West. Cowboys sit at tables, playing cards and drinking. On the small stage at one end of the room is the cantina band from STAR WARS, playing bizarre-looking instruments and other-worldly tunes. L.L. SOARES enters through the swinging doors and sidles up to the bar. He’s wearing a black cowboy hat and has a toothpick between his teeth).

LS: Gimme that drink that Yosemite Sam used to have in the old Warner Brothers cartoons.

BARTENDER: Coming right up, sir.

(Bartender puts on a welder’s mask and mixes up a bunch of liquids that culminate in a small explosion, then hands the glass over with tongs. LS takes a sip)

LS: Ahhh! Perfect.

(The doors swing open again and MICHAEL ARRUDA saunters in, wearing a white cowboy hat and a bright green vest. He also goes to the bar).

MA: I’ll have your biggest, coldest glass of  milk.

BARTENDER: Yes, of course, sir.

MA: And don’t bother pasteurizing it or homogenizing it. I want mine STRAIGHT UP.

BARTENDER (shaking a little): Certainly.

(BARTENDER brings tall glass and puts it in front of MA, who takes a sip)

MA: Ahhh!

LS: Unpasteurized did you say? You sure do live dangerously, pardner!

MA: You can say that again.

LS: You sure do live dangerously, pardner!

MA: What is there, an echo in here?

LS: Well, since we’re here to review the new movie COWBOYS & ALIENS, I suppose we should get to it.

MA: You start. I’m enjoying this milk too much. (Belches loudly). (To Bartender): Hey, you got any cookies to go with this?

BARTENDER: Right away, sir.

LS: Yeah, so this week’s movie is COWBOYS & ALIENS. I have to admit, I wasn’t too excited about seeing this one. The trailer didn’t look all that great. Of course, the fact that I’ve seen the trailer like 75 times and have it ingrained in my brain doesn’t help. But this one surprised me a little. As for what it’s about – well the title says it pretty succinctly.

MA: Kind of like SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006).

LS: Yeah, except this one didn’t suck. Well, not completely.

MA: I didn’t think this one sucked at all .

LS: Shhh. I don’t want to give away my verdict in the first page!

MA: Whatever. Continue, pardner.

LS: Right off the bat, we’re thrust into the action as cowboy Daniel Craig—the latest James Bond 007 himself—wakes up to find himself in the middle of the desert with no memory of who he is or where he came from. He doesn’t even have any shoes! He does, however, have some weird-looking manacle-like contraptions on his left arm, and a gaping wound in his side. Even with these handicaps, he makes quick work of some grimy looking bounty hunters who ride by and decide there might be a price on his head.

MA: I liked this opening scene. It was a fine way to start the movie.

LS: Yeah, right in the middle of the action. I liked it, too.

So this cowboy takes his pick of the dead bounty hunters’ clothes and horses while they’re pushing up daisies, and rides into the nearest town, where everyone seems to be afraid of a punk kid who likes to shoot his gun to scare people, Percy Dolarhyde (Paul Dano), who gets away with his behavior because his daddy is the big cattle baron in those parts and pretty much keeps the town running with his prosperous business. Of course, being new to town, Mr. Craig doesn’t know he’s supposed to run cowering from this annoying kid, and kicks him in the jewels. The sheriff (the great Keith Carradine, who’s been in everything from Robert Altman movies to DEADWOOD, and a whole lot more), brings them both in and locks them up in the jailhouse. Percy for being a nuisance (and accidentally shooting a deputy) and Craig because he looks an awful lot like a guy he saw on a “Wanted” poster.

It’s about this time that the kid’s daddy, Woodrow Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford) rides into town, intent on springing his troublesome son, when some other visitors decide to show up. Except these ain’t riding horses. They’re flying in on brightly lit aircraft that look like giant metal dragonflies. Oh, and they like to shoot out hooked wires and abduct whoever they can get ahold of.

Mr. No Name (we later learn his name is Jake) finally figures out what that thing on his arm is when it suddenly springs to life and blasts one of the spaceships to kingdom come, which just makes him all the more mysterious. Who is the feller and what’s his story, anyway?

The rest of the film involves Craig, Ford, and a bunch of other townspeople going on a trek to find where the spaceships took their loved ones. And along the way they meet up with hostile bandits, hostile Native Americans, and even more hostile alien monsters.

This movie actually turned out to be better than I was expecting, and a big part of that is the fact that it was directed by Jon Favreau. Who knew that the whiny guy who starred in and wrote the indie comedy SWINGERS (1996) and directed and starred in the gangster comedy MADE (2001), with his buddy Vince Vaughn, would later go on to become an A-list director of summer blockbusters? But that’s exactly where his career has gone, and he’s pretty good at it. I mean, this is the same guy who gave us the IRON MAN movies (okay, the second one wasn’t so great, but the first one rocked!), and he replicates some of the same magic here.

MA: Yes, I agree about Favreau . I loved IRON MAN (2008), and in spite of certain aspects of this movie I didn’t find so hot, I loved COWBOYS & ALIENS as well.

LS: Another big plus is the cast.

MA: I agree . The cast is terrific.

LS: Daniel Craig, he of the rugged features and piercing blue eyes, makes a pretty decent cowboy and an effortless leading man. The guy is perfect for this kind of role, and it’s nice to see him do the occasional non-James Bond movie now and then. He’s much too good an actor to be tied to one franchise.

MA: I liked Craig too . He’s one of my favorite actors right now, and he’s very good again here . However, I’ve seen him better . I like him better as Bond, and his performance here is not as strong as the riveting one he delivered in DEFIANCE (2008).

LS: Personally, I prefer some his earlier films like when he played artist Francis Bacon’s lover in LOVE IS THE DEVIL (1998) and as a gangster in movies like ROAD TO PERDITION (2002) and LAYER CAKE (2004). I’m just not a big Bond guy, although I think Craig is one of the best two actors to tackle the role (the other being Sean Connery). It’s funny, I didn’t realize I was a Craig fan from so long ago – there’s something about him that feels current and new.

MA: And while he makes a solid tough guy, based on his performance in this western, he’s no John Wayne or Clint Eastwood . Wayne and Eastwood, in addition to being tough, infused tremendous personality into their roles, and Craig doesn’t do this here. Even Jeff Bridge’s recent performance in TRUE GRIT (2010) was more on target than Craig’s in this movie . Craig was good, but he could have been better.

LS: A lot of people were excited to see Craig paired with Harrison Ford here, but I guess I wasn’t one of them. I’ve never been a big Ford fan, even though I thought his Han Solo was one of the better characters in the STAR WARS series, and he starred in one of my all-time favorite sci-fi flicks, BLADE RUNNER (1982). But I’ve also found him to be kind of wooden and unexciting in a lot of roles, and the INDIANA JONES series never really wowed me (I know, I know, I’m the only one who doesn’t love Indie!).

MA: Well, hold onto your hat, pardner, but I’m not a big INDIANA JONES fan either! I liked RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981) a lot, but the rest of the films I could take or leave . Your take on Harrison Ford is interesting . I would agree with everything you said….

LS: We agree on something? Do wonders never cease?

MA: ….except, in spite of the numerous wooden and unexciting roles, I’ve somehow always liked Ford, and I think it’s because he’s good at creating likeable characters . He doesn’t tend to blow you away with deep tremendous performances, but he does act like a favorite uncle who you can’t help but like . So, I was one of those people who was looking forward to the pairing of Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford.

LS: Here, in COWBOYS & ALIENS, Ford is pretty good as a grizzled former soldier who starts out looking like the town bully and all-around bad guy, but eventually turns out to be one of the white hats. He and Craig do have some onscreen chemistry, but I thought Craig dominated every scene he was in with ease.

MA: Yeah, Harrison Ford is cast against type . Curiously, I liked Ford better early on in the movie when his character was more of a bully . Later, when he softens and becomes more of a good guy, I thought he fell back into the more traditional Harrison Ford role, only older and grumpier . I wish he had stayed villainous . It was more refreshing to watch.

LS: I completely agree. I would have preferred if he’d stayed a bad guy throughout, just for something different.

MA: I don’t know about the onscreen chemistry between Craig and Ford, though. I thought that was one of the areas where the film lagged. I didn’t find much chemistry between them at all . A buddy movie, this ain’t!

LS: Really, there are some scenes at the end where they seem to have become buddies!

MA:  I disagree.  To me it looked like Craig was just tolerating Ford and would have kicked him in the ass if he had the chance.

But you’re right about Craig dominating every scene he’s in. This is definitely Daniel Craig’s movie . He would have carried this movie even without Ford.

LS: Easily. Hey, I thought you said Craig wasn’t as good here as he was in some of his other movies? Now it’s his movie? Make up your mind.

MA: It is his movie . I’ve just seen him better in other movies . He’s that good of an actor, in my book.

LS: Also, Ford’s character is named Dolarhyde, an unusual enough name that made me think instantly of Francis Dolarhyde, Tom Noonan’s sinister character in MANHUNTER (1986) and Ralph Fiennes played the same character in the remake RED DRAGON (2002).

MA: I thought there were some curious names in this movie . Dolarhyde made me think of dollars, and when the film begins, Dolarhyde is quite the greedy character .

LS: Makes sense. He’s definitely greedy, and I don’t see any clues that he’s a serial killer like Francis Dolarhyde. (Laughs)  It’s just an unusual name that stuck out for me.

MA: Craig’s character is named Jake Lonergan—he’s a loner, the solitary mysterious man with no name who rides into town a la Clint Eastwood in the Sergio Leone westerns.

LS: Yep, the fact that he couldn’t remember his name throughout most of the movie definitely made me think of Eastwood’s iconic Man With No Name. Except Eastwood’s character was more self-assured and didn’t have memory problems.

MA: Adam Beach plays a character named Nat Colorado . Colorado is the name of the Ricky Nelson character in the classic Howard Hawks/John Wayne western RIO BRAVO (1959) .

LS: Fascinating. It’s also the name of a state. (Laughs)

The rest of the cast is pretty good too, chock full of seasoned character actors from Sam Rockwell (who’s been in everything from the Chuck Barris biopic CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND in 2002 to MOON from 2009) to Walton Goggins (from the FX Channel TV-series THE SHIELD and the new FX series JUSTIFIED) to Clancy Brown as a preacher named Meacham (you might remember him as another preacher, Brother Justin Crowe, in the HBO series CARNIVALE). We’ve also got Olivia Wilde as the main lady here (a lot of people might recognize her as “Thirteen” from the FOX series HOUSE), and a perty one she is, even if I did burst out laughing when they first showed her in a pretty cotton dress and a big ol’ gunbelt strapped across it. She’s just as mysterious as Craig’s character, and we eventually find out why.

MA: I also liked Keith Carradine as the sheriff, and Noah Ringer as the little boy who “grows up” (translation: he learns to kill! Ahhh, rites of passage in the old west!) was also very good .

LS: I’m a huge Carradine fan from way back, and this isn’t his first western role. He was excellent as Wild Bill Hickock in the HBO show DEADWOOD (which I mentioned earlier), played Buffalo Bill Cody in a movie called WILD BILL in 1995 and his first film role was in Robert Altman’s revisionist western, MCCABE AND MRS. MILLER, way back in 1971, when he was more famous for being the brother of actor David Carradine and son of the horror legend, actor John Carradine.

As for the kid, he’s good, but I didn’t think he was anything special. It seems like he’s there more to mellow out Harrison Ford’s character, whose son in the movie is a disappointment, so Ford is drawn to this kid who’s more of a clean slate, and takes him under his wing.

MA: And I thought Paul Dano stood out early on as Percy Dolarhyde, the pain-in-the-ass son of Ford’s character.

LS: He’s great at playing pains-in-the-ass! He was also the annoying preacher in THERE WILL BE BLOOD (2007).

MA: My favorite performance though, of the supporting players, belonged to Sam Rockwell as Doc . He was excellent.

LS: I think Rockwell is a very underrated actor who deserves more attention. But I don’t think Doc was one of his better roles. It was good, but he’s had a lot better.

As for the monsters, well, CGI remains a very imperfect tool. So there are scenes where the alien monsters look pretty damn cool, and other times where they look clunky and hurky-jerky, but overall I was pretty impressed with them. I even thought they were just as formidable as the otherworldly critter we saw earlier this summer in JJ Abrams’ SUPER 8, in a few scenes.

MA: I would agree that the aliens ran hot and cold in this movie . They didn’t blow me away by any means . Will there ever be an alien or aliens as frightening as the alien in ALIEN (1979) and its first sequel, ALIENS (1986)? These new CGI aliens just don’t cut it . They’re too cartoonish, and cartoons just aren’t scary!

LS: I agree. The monsters from the ALIEN movies are still the gold standard for extraterrestrial creatures. Thank you, H.R. Giger.

MA: However, like you said, there are times when these aliens are pretty cool-looking . I thought they were better than what we saw in BATTLE: LOS ANGELES (2011) and SKYLINE (2010), but not quite as good as the aliens in DISTRICT 9 (2009).

LS: Yeah, the aliens in DISTRICT 9 were something completely different and original. But I think Favreau’s monsters in COWBOYS & ALIENS are pretty effective for the most part.

MA: I liked the hands coming out of the alien’s chest to grab people . I thought this was cool . They were also kinda menacing, in a PG-13 sort of way, mostly because they abducted humans and performed painful experiments on them . So, yeah, they were kind of disturbing when they weren’t looking like expensive cartoons.

LS: Yep, those crazy hands were an interesting feature. It looks like they were situated right next to the creatures’ lungs in their chest cavities. Weird—and cool.

MA: I thought the alien ships were just OK . They were better when they weren’t seen . When they were shown as lights in the sky, they were creepy . When we see the actual ships, again—cartoon.

LS: Gotta agree with you there.

(GREEDO from the original STAR WARS (1977) —we refuse to call it “A New Hope” —and Boba Fett from THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980) get up from their table and approach the bar. GREEDO says something in some incomprehensible alien language)

LS: What did he say?

BOBA FETT: He said he likes your friend’s vest.

(LS looks up and down at MA’s bright green vest)

LS: He’s no friend of mine.

MA (looks at LS): Likewise, you sidewinder.

LS: Come on, give the weirdo alien your vest.

MA: That’ll be the day.

LS: Sorry guys, I think we have a guy here who doesn’t like to share.

(GREEDO bursts into tears and runs out of the saloon. BOBA FETT shakes his helmeted head and goes after him)

LS: Meanie!

MA: And proud of it!

LS: With its attention to detail, great pacing, and even some scares, COWBOYS & ALIENS is a lot more fun than I was expecting, and it was certainly as good as the superhero films we’ve been seeing this summer (COWBOYS & ALIENS is also based on a comic book –er, sorry, “graphic novel” —by Scott Mitchell Rosenberg and Platinum Studios). It’s no IRON MAN (2008), because nobody here is as entertaining as Robert Downey Jr. was in that movie, but Daniel Craig is close in his intense own way, and it’s easily as good as two other recent summer blockbusters, THOR and CAPTAIN AMERICA.

MA: I actually liked it a little bit better than THOR and CAPTAIN AMERICA.

LS: Another thing I liked about it was the way the movie didn’t immediately become a science fiction film once the aliens were introduced. This movie is as much a western as it is a sci-fi flick, with some storylines deeply entrenched in the time period, and others leading up to the big finale as the bandits, cowboys and Indians all “bury the hatchet” and team up to battle the greater evil from another world.

MA: I agree . I liked the western aspects of this movie a lot . In fact, there were times I almost wished it had been a straight western.

As a whole, I found COWBOYS & ALIENS to be one curious movie, and I’ve used that word several times here during this column on purpose because I found this to be an odd movie that works exceptionally well, in spite of its flaws.

I won’t beat around the bush . I REALLY liked COWBOYS & ALIENS, and I found it to be a very entertaining movie . I saw it in a packed theater (by far, the most crowded theater I’ve been in this summer) and the audience was really into it.

What makes this movie so curious? For starters, it takes two standard formulas that aren’t really all that original, puts them together, and presto! It creates something original . The western plot is as old as the gold rush . A mysterious bad man rides into town, and he beats up on the town bully, only to have the bully’s father, a powerful greedy son of a bitch, ride into town to rescue his son and give this stranger his comeuppance . We’ve seen shades of this plot in countless westerns, from A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS (1964) to RIO BRAVO (1959) and EL DORADO (1966).

The plot of aliens invading the earth to experiment on humans—it goes without saying, there’s nothing original about this plot, either . However, put this story in the old west, and suddenly, you’re onto something.

I’m not sure if I buy the whole thing, the whole gimmick, but I have to say, I think it works because I sat there as entertained and satisfied by this movie as I’ve been by any movie this summer.

LS: There were a few times when it seemed a bit “gimmicky” to me, but for the most part, the genres blended well, and this is a clever concept. But this certainly isn’t the first time that anyone has thought to combine genres this way. We’ve seen several horror/westerns hybrids over the years from the vampire movie, CURSE OF THE UNDEAD (1959) to the dinosaurs in THE VALLEY OF GWANGI (1969), and more recently, the burrowing monsters in J.T. Petty’s THE BURROWERS (2008), which also starred Clancy Brown who was the preacher in COWBOYS & ALIENS!

And don’t forget Z-movie gems like director William Beaudine’s one-two-punch of JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN’S DAUGHTER and BILLY THE KID VS. DRACULA, both from 1966.

MA: True, but none of these western/horror hybrids involved aliens from outer space.

I also liked the plot point where the cowboys and the Native Americans have to team up to battle the aliens . Sure, we’ve seen this before too, (the enemy of my enemy is my friend) but how many times have we seen these two particular warring groups join forces against a common foe in the movies? Not many.

There’s also a rousing music score by Harry Gregson-Williams, a composer who has a ton of movie soundtrack credits . To name just a few, he wrote the music scores for UNSTOPPABLE (2010), X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (2009) and the SHREK movies.

All in all, COWBOYS & ALIENS provides grand summer movie entertainment . It’s anchored by a solid performance by Daniel Craig, it has a great cast of supporting actors led by Harrison Ford, it enjoys a decent plot, and its aliens are rather menacing for a summer blockbuster-type movie.

It’s my favorite of the summer movies so far, and I give COWBOYS & ALIENS - three and a half knives.

LS: I liked it, too, but I don’t think as much as you did. It was a great popcorn movie, and while I was watching it, I really enjoyed it, but afterwards, it was kind of forgettable. But this is exactly the kind of movie a lot of people are looking for in the summertime. I liked it at least as much as THOR, my favorite superhero blockbuster of the summer so far, so I’ll give it three knives. Although, I’ll admit, it almost nudged me into giving it that extra half-knife, too, but I think I was a little too generous with CAPTAIN AMERICA, so I’m gonna be a little stingy this time, to balance it out.

(A group of COWBOYS are having a discussion at one of the tables, and the biggest, meanest one of them gets up and approaches the bar).

MEAN COWBOY: You fellers are clearly not from around here.

LS: Yeah, so?

MEAN COWBOY: We don’t like strangers coming into our saloon.

MA: That’s funny, considering your house band is from Alpha Centauri.

MEAN COWBOY: Enough with the jokes. You two better skedaddle if you know what’s good for you.

LS: Or else what? You gonna shoot us?

MEAN COWBOY (takes a menacing pause and then says): Maybe.

(LS takes out a weird black box and looks at it)

MEAN COWBOY: Now, what might that be?

LS: It’s called a Taser.

(He shoots it at the COWBOY, who drops to the ground and starts screaming. The rest of the cowboys cower to the edges of the room)

LS: You see, Michael, this is why I love time traveling. We can always introduce ornery types like this guy to new technologies and learn them something.

MA: Yeah, and completely mess up the space/time continuum in the process.

LS: Oh well, that’s life.

MA: We probably should get going, after all. We’ve got another movie to review next week, and time travel isn’t an exact science.

LS: True enough. (to bar patrons) Later, gators.

(MA and LS leave the saloon to the strains of menacing Ennio Morricone music)

-THE END-

© Copyright 2011 by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

Michael Arruda gives COWBOYS & ALIENS ~ three and a half knives.

L.L. Soares gives COWBOYS & ALIENS ~ three knives.

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Remote Outpost: FALLING SKIES

Posted in 2011, Aliens, Apocalyptic Films, Mark Onspaugh Columns, Remote Outpost, ROBOTS!, Television with tags , , , , , , , on July 27, 2011 by knifefighter

REMOTE OUTPOST: FALLING SKIES
Does it taste like Chicken… Little?
Television Review by Mark Onspaugh

In a simpler time. all we needed to repel alien invaders was a wise-cracking Will Smith and a genius hacker like Jeff Goldblum. Sure, we might lose a national monument or two, but then the President would take action and fight them Bill Pullman-style – the aliens would be blown to atoms and the pitiful remnants of their hellish fleet would hightail it back to Arcturus with their spiny tails tucked between their disgusting lower limbs.

Nowadays, people in the real world feel like they’ve been let down – the economy sucks, unemployment is at an all-time high and our elected officials are either involved in scandal or wasting their time on the future of incandescent bulbs.

How could such leaders ever hope to combat an alien horde?

So it is that today’s alien stories aren’t about preventing conquest, they’re about the conquered (us) fighting their oppressors (them). It doesn’t take Fellini to see that perhaps those beings we are rallying against may be closer than the next galaxy… Much closer.

FALLING SKIES is the new Dreamworks series from Executive Producer Steven Spielberg, airing Sunday nights on the TNT cable channel, and it is similar in some ways to the recent film BATTLE: LOS ANGELES (2011)—Earth has been taken over and now ragtag bands fight with dwindling resources against overwhelming odds and superior technology. Like BATTLE, conquered cities have large towers of sinister design and intent raised their ruins.

FALLING SKIES very much evokes the “Spirit of ’76” note in its tone and content. After all, we were founded by a guerilla force composed of civilians, militia, old people and kids, fighting a superior force with better weapons and supplies. But the guerilla knows his home turf, and knows how to survive… He might have to live like a rodent for a while, but he can make the enemy miserable until they decide it’s too costly to remain. The action takes place in Massachusetts rather than California, evoking that feeling of fighting the War of Independence once again.

FALLING SKIES left me cold initially. Although I felt the exposition of the invasion told through children’s drawings and voice-overs had a certain charm, I wanted to see some of the devastation and carnage. We’ve gotten very little of that, and I suspect the producers not only wanted to save money, they wanted to show this was no Michael Bay explosion-fest. I do believe they wanted to create some fully-realized characters, but that takes time. It’s clear the network was nervous about this gradual build; early episodes had a sort of carnival barker announcer at the end assuring us we didn’t know all the mysteries behind the invasion. Unlike a show like LOST, THE X-FILES or FRINGE which are compelling from the get-go, FALLING SKIES needed a little more time to be something other than THE PATRIOT (2000) with extraterrestrials. Thankfully, the barker is missing from later tags, which is fine by me.

The fight to take back the planet is seen through the eyes of Tom Mason (Noah Wylie – ER, the LIBRARIAN franchise) a history professor turned soldier and liaison between civilians and Captain Weaver (Will Patton – ARMAGEDDON (1998) and THE FOURTH KIND (2009)). Tom’s wife was lost while scavenging for food with Dr. Harris (Steven Weber – THE SHINING TV-series from 1997 and the sitcom WINGS). We get the feeling there may have been more than hunting for cans of Hormel Chili going on, but the doc is killed two episodes in, in the worst case of prisoner baiting since Fritz tortured Frankenstein’s Monster with a lit torch. Tom is now a single dad with three sons – fighter Hal (Drew Roy), alien slave Ben (Connor Jessup) and Maxim Knight as little tyke Matt Mason (named, I’m sure, for Mattel’s space explorer action figure from the 60′s). (By the way, how cool a name is Maxim Knight?  I may have to change mine.)  Tom has all the usual single dad issues, plus he’s fighting aliens. Fortunately, he and Moon Bloodgood (the short-lived TV series DAY BREAK and the movie TERMINATOR: SALVATION (2009)) have caught each other’s eye. She is the unit physician and has to deal with everything from depression and fractures to kids with alien harnesses on their backs (more on that in a moment). The cast of humans is a good mix of humanity, although it remains to be seen if any character is openly gay or not. With aliens around every corner, there isn’t much time for people to make their proclivities known.

Aliens have taken over and humanity struggles for freedom in FALLING SKIES

Now, how about them aliens?  Back when yours truly was just a tyke running around the Outpost, aliens were largely spray-painted humans in outlandish costumes (LOST IN SPACE, TIME TUNNEL) or men in rubber suits with little or no change of expression (the Gorn that fought Kirk in STAR TREK). THE INVADERS (1967 – 1968), in what has to be the money-saving concept of all time, had aliens who looked like us except they couldn’t bend their little fingers, prompting one to guess they had evolved from highly-mannered tea drinkers.

CGI has made it possible to move away from cumbersome rubber puppets (prone to look silly and/or fake, malfunction and rot over time) and the ever-popular Star Trek brow appliances to creatures that are extremely non-human… Hell, they’re not even humanoid. At present, designers of such critters are going to spiders and crabs for inspiration (BATTLE: LOS ANGELES and SUPER 8, which both came out earlier this year) and tentacles are always a favorite fall-back appendage. Most of us have an innate fear or disgust of spiders or anything like them, so creatures of such design are repellent to most of the audience. The aliens in FALLING SKIES (called “Skitters”) look like large crab-spiders with tentacles and walrus-spider faces. Their movement is crab-spider-ish, and they are quite unpleasant to look at. The design isn’t as compelling or groundbreaking as Giger’s alien (And remember how many films ripped off that design?| Boy howdy.), but the face of the alien allows it some range of emotion. Skitters are very fast and hard to kill, although our people are learning their vulnerabilities. Go Humanity!

The Skitters are also equipped with scout ship/fighters (nothing to write home about, design-wise) and “Mechs” which are bipedal killing machines that stomp around like the ED-209 in ROBOCOP (1987) and have a sort of jack-o-lantern visage (in cool blue) that I kind of like. They also make a roar similar to the LOST smoke monster, so maybe he got some voice-over work. Since the Skitters are multi-legged and the Mechs are bipeds, I suspect that they are being piloted by the teens the Skitters take as slaves and outfit with “harnesses”, a strange, biomechanical slug-like monstrosity that fuses with the kid’s spine and nervous system. Kids under the influence of said harness walk like zombies and seem to be in telepathic contact with the alien overlords. Removing the harness is messy (metal links into the spine must be cut with a torch and leave behind metal studs running down the kid’s back) and risky (several kids died until the late Dr. Harris pioneered a procedure to keep the kids from convulsing and flat-lining). A new development has some adults nervous and bigoted about these freed kids, calling them “razor-backs” and proclaiming that they attract Skitters and their loyalty is compromised. Surely a metaphor for children fathered by invading forces, unable to belong in either country.

He followed me home, Mom. Can we keep him?

As I mentioned, I was ready to give up on FALLING SKIES after two episodes, (and some of you may have done so), but hung in there, being a diehard sci-fi and horror fan… Two episodes ago it turned a corner. The characters had been one note clichés, even the ever-dependable Will Patton, who was gruff and unyielding to the point of parody. But now all the principals have been allowed to breathe and stretch—there have been some very good scenes, particularly between Tom and his kids and Captain Weaver and Jimmy Bolland (Dylan Authors), a thirteen-year-old trying to find his place on the battlefield. Also, and most interestingly, some aliens seem to display compassion (one stroked the head of a sleeping slave child in a very maternal way, not like a master with a pet) and we have been told their agenda is not all it seems.

Of course, I have seen shows like this which were so cool in the beginning run dry creatively and begin to wander far, far away from their original mission statement (it happened when David Vincent of THE INVADERS found a group of people who believed him about the Invaders, and when the mythology of the THE X-FILES became so unwieldy and was suffering the absence of its heroes Mulder and Scully)… Right now, we have an interesting mix of humans dealing with the aliens on FALLING SKIES – some are courageous, others slaves, still others greedy looters or traitors colluding with the aliens… That’s great, humanity isn’t totally unified, and the enemy isn’t just extraterrestrial or all of one stripe.

But we’ve been fooled before… the moment may come when an alien skitters forward and offers to help Tom and his friends… They end up calling him Uncle Bob because his alien name is too hard to pronounce, and he ends up with a fondness for pickle brine and bouncing laughing children on his many knees. At that point the producers will have either jumped the shark or will be revving up their Fonzie-cycle to do so, and we will be just a treacly “very special episode” or Christmas special away from the Hanna Barbera version of FALLING SKIES where they throw in a (nearly) talking dog and a nervous Don Knotts type for comic relief.

But, hopefully, such a day never comes, or is at least five seasons away. We need good science fiction on television, so let’s hope this show may avoid the traps and pitfalls that dooms it to one or two seasons like CAPRICA, THE EVENT, V, DAY BREAK and SPACE: ABOVE AND BEYOND. For now, the acting and writing have gotten better, the effects are good, the aliens are interesting and loathsome and there seem to be some twists coming our way. Those are all good reasons to watch. Remote Outpost out.

© Copyright 2011 by Mark Onspaugh

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GREEN LANTERN

Posted in 2011, 3-D, Blockbusters, Cinema Knife Fights, Comic Book Movies, Science Fiction, Superheroes with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2011 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT: GREEN LANTERN (2011)
By Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

 

(The Scene: A beach at dusk. MICHAEL ARRUDA & L.L. SOARES approach the wreckage of a crashed alien spaceship.)

MA: Wow, we’ve found a real live alien spaceship!

LS: Maybe they’ll abduct you to some distant galaxy so I can be spared your bad taste in movies.

MA: No, I think it’s your mother ship come to take you back home. L.L. phone home!

LS: How dare you compare me to that twerp, E.T.! And, for your information, I was born right here on Earth!

(They hear a groan from the spaceship. They approach to find a dying green alien with a bright pink face. The GREEN ALIEN extends his hand and shows them a green ring.)

GREEN ALIEN: The ring has chosen you.

MA: Hey, bud, you’re not seeing double. There’s actually two of us here. Which one of us did the ring choose?

LS: It obviously chose me. (Reaches out to take ring.)

MA: Not so fast! We don’t know that. Let the alien answer first. Which one of us did the ring choose?

GREEN ALIEN (Points to MA, then to LS): You.

LS: Well, that’s it. This alien is obviously retarded.

MA: This isn’t getting us anywhere. Look, there’s two of us and only one ring, and we can’t share a ring.

LS: Share? There’s no sharing at Cinema Knife Fight! I’m taking it.

(LS grabs ring, as does MA, and as they wrestle over it, they inadvertently toss the ring into the ocean.)

MA: Oops.

LS: Now see what you’ve done!

GREEN ALIEN: The ring—the ring—. (Alien dies.)

MA (Shaking his head): Well, he’s having a bad day. Anyway, with the ring gone, there’s nothing left to distract us, so why don’t we start our review of GREEN LANTERN?

LS: I bet that ring sucked anyway. It sure was ugly. Since he came all the way from another galaxy, that alien could have at least brought us some cool bling.

Yeah, start the review.

MA: GREEN LANTERN (2011) is the latest superhero movie to hit the big screen, and this one comes from the DC universe. It’s about a character not as widely known as some of the other DC superheroes, such as Batman and Superman.

LS: I don’t know about that. In the comics world, Green Lantern is a pretty big deal. He was the central figure of the recent “Darkest Night” and “Brightest Day” storylines, probably the two biggest events in the DC Universe in the past few years. He just never had a movie before. Or a TV show. But comics fans know him very well.

MA: Well, for the rest of us in the real world, he’s not as well known.

GREEN LANTERN is about a carefree pilot named Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds), who is chosen by a dying alien to join the ranks of the Green Lanterns, a huge collection of super warriors who protect the universe from evil threats. They do this by showing no fear and by using their will power. They have the power to turn whatever their thinking of into reality. So, they can be as powerful as the limits of their imaginations. It’s kind of a goofy premise when you think about it. I mean, if you have the power to conjure up a ray gun, for example, to shoot your enemy, why not just conjure up a dead enemy and save yourself the trouble? I’m sure the comics did a better job of explaining all this, but it’s not covered in any satisfactory depth in the movie.

LS: I think it’s a key point here that the limits of a Green Lantern’s power is the same as the limits of his or her imagination. If there’s a flaw with this movie—it’s clearly that Hal Jordan doesn’t have much of an imagination. Neither did the writers of this movie.

MA: That’s a really good point, because, as I watched this movie, I kept thinking, where the heck is this guy’s imagination?  Why isn’t he using this new power he has to create all kinds of cool things?

Anyway, Hal becomes a GREEN LANTERN, which is a good thing, because the Earth is now threatened by a bad guy named Hector Hammond (Peter Sarsgaard), a brilliant scientist infected by another alien, the evil Parallax, which turns him into a super intelligent baddie with a big head who looks like the Elephant Man wearing a lab coat.

LS: Hector is not the villain of the movie. He’s a pawn. A sad, dejected man who has great intelligence but still feels he is a failure. He becomes infected, by the way, because he is called in to do an autopsy on the alien who gave Hal his ring. But the alien has a bad wound that still has traces of the creature that killed him in it – Parallax. When he touches the wound in depth, the traces infect him, turning him into the Elephant Man thingie. He suddenly can read people’s minds and has telekinetic powers. He also has very big daddy issues concerning his senator father (Tim Robbins). He grew up with Hal and has always envied him. And he’s in love with Carol Ferris, who loves Hal. Once he gets his “powers,” it’s clear that all Hector wants to do with them is get back at the people who slighted him – his father and Hal – and finally “get the girl.”

MA: Yeah, there’s also a love interest for Hal with the beautiful Carol (Blake Lively) but, like the rest of this movie, this story doesn’t go anywhere.

LS: I thought Lively was a big weak link here. Sure, she’s attractive. But every scene she was in, I thought her acting was atrocious. It was like watching a very pretty robot. I kept thinking—aside from being hot —what does anyone see in this woman? Why do the main characters all want her affection? She just didn’t have any depth at all as a character, and I can’t tell if it’s her fault or the writers. Probably both.

MA: There’s not much else I want to say about the plot since this movie didn’t really do much for me, and I don’t think its story warrants too much retelling. But feel free if you want to fill in the blanks.

LS: No, you just about covered it. The details actually make the story less interesting. We then have to get into the whole significance of colors. Green represents the power of will, which is the source of the Green Lanterns’ great energy. But there’s also, yellow, the color of fear, which was also harnessed by the ancient inhabitants of the planet Oa, who are blue gnome-like creatures who started all this crap. They created the green lanterns and sit on monolithic perches like a group of Yoda wannabes. One of their group turned to “the dark side” and tapped into the power of fear and it corrupted him, so he turned into the super baddie Parallax—the nebulous monster who is going around devouring whole planets (He’s an awful lot like the Marvel villain, Galactus, another bad guy who eats planets, who I like a lot better. Although he’s kind of goofy, too).

Otherwise, that’s it. The Green Lanterns try to stop Parallax as he drifts throughout the universe, devouring worlds. When he comes into the vicinity of Earth, then it’s up to Hal to save the planet. Can he do it? If you really care, go see the movie.

MA: I couldn’t get into GREEN LANTERN from the get-go. I found its opening sequences which explain the whole back story of the Green Lantern world dull, boring, and slow. It reminded me of the scenes on Thor’s planet in THOR (2011), and the scenes of the Jedi Council in the STAR WARS movies. In fact, GREEN LANTERN plays much more like a science fiction/fantasy film than a superhero movie.

LS: Well, it’s supposed to be like a science fiction film. Green Lantern is one of the most science-fiction based superheroes of all time, at least as much as the “alien come to earth” origin of Superman.

But I agree about the opening sequence. It’s meant to bring us up to speed right away, but it’s boring. And the whole thing about green being willpower and yellow being fear seems incredibly dopey to me. Why can’t the green power of the Lanterns just be pure cosmic energy? Why does it have to be willpower? Seems silly. “I will not eat that piece of cake, thus I have wild, green power!”

Also, the whole thing about the actual LANTERN—it’s a device that’s really just a giant battery. It recharges the ring when it runs out of power. I always hated the lantern in the comics, and here it’s no better. Why does the ring need the lantern to recharge it? Doesn’t willpower come from within? And don’t even get me started on the dumb-ass oath the Green Lantern has to spout to get the recharging process to work….

(A green Energizer  Bunny holding a lantern marches by them.)

MA (pointing to Bunny):  Who knew?

LS:  And, now that I think about, why doesn’t the Green Lantern lose his powers and need to recharge himself EVER in the course of a battle in this movie? If you’re going to introduce something as lame as the lantern, then give it some dramatic relevance. As it turns out, he doesn’t even need the damn thing for the rest of the movie, and this was one chance when they could have made an improvement over the comics and just gotten rid of the damn thing entirely.

(GOLLUM from the LORD OF THE RINGS movies appears on the beach, rubbing his hands together)

GOLLUM: Did someone here mention my precious?

MA: No, not that ring! We’re talking about the Green Lantern’s ring.

GOLLUM: Oh, that makes me sad. I will continue to search for my precious….

LS: Get lost, you idiot (Kicks GOLLUM in the butt, hurrying him along the beach and out of sight)

GOLLUM: Ouch.

MA: The story didn’t grab me, the pacing wasn’t there, the characters were not likeable, and the special effects were passable, but that’s it. I also had the choice of seeing this one in 2D or 3D, and I chose 2D because, to be honest, I’m sick and tired of 3D movies coming out every other week , and then not being worth the extra cost of the ticket.  I hope movie audiences start to feel the same way and stop paying the extra money to see these movies.  Maybe they’ll go away.

LS: I saw it in 2D as well, and gladly so. Not only did I save money, but I knew the 3D aspects wouldn’t add anything to the storyline, just like most 3D movies we see. It was nice to avoid the extra tariff we’ve been getting screwed with to see bad 3D movies.

MA: While I like the Green Lantern’s power—he has the ability to turn into reality whatever he’s thinking about—and think it’s really cool, I did have some problems with it. One, it’s not used enough in the movie. I mean, we hardly see the Green Lantern use this ability. And two, when you think about it, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

LS: Yeah, like I said, for a movie about a character whose main power is his imagination, GREEN LANTERN is incredibly mundane. The character and the writers totally drop the ball on this one. The ring should have gone to someone who really would have excelled in using its power – like a fantasy writer perhaps?

MA: I came away from this movie thinking the Green Lantern’s story was rather goofy.

LS: In the comics, the Green Lantern is up there in popularity with DC heroes like Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. Personally, I think he deserved a bigger budget and a better movie. This one seems second-rate compared to the majority of superhero movies we’ve seen lately.

MA: I also didn’t like the characters in this movie. I didn’t hate them, but none of them were that likeable.

Hal Jordan is supposed to be this likeable screw-up. He’s an amazing pilot, but in everything else, he’s a failure, although he means well. However, he doesn’t come off this way in the movie. How do I know he’s supposed to be this way? Because they tell us in the film. This is a classic example of where a story messes up by telling us things rather than showing us. We hardly get to know Hal at all. We see him briefly with his son, briefly with his girlfriend, briefly with his buddy, briefly training as a Green Lantern, basically, briefly doing everything. Hal comes off like a supporting character in a Tom Cruise TOP GUN (1986) movie. Hey, it’s Hal Jordan. He’s the guy with no fear in the cockpit with the son and the girl—yeah, but what do we really know about him? Nothing. And as a result we don’t like him.

LS: I agree. Ryan Reynolds is completely miscast here. Hal Jordan is supposed to be smart and kinda cool. As Reynolds plays him, he’s a smirking idiot who takes stupid chances and comes off as a real jerk. I have to admit, he grew on me as the movie progressed, but a better star would have made this movie a lot better. Reynolds seems like a kid trying to play a leading man. Early on, I actually hated the character. By the end, I just thought he was so-so. And you’re right about the TOP GUN comparison. Early on, I thought I was watching a sequel to TOP GUN, until the injured alien fell from the sky. Hal could have been so much better!

For some reason Hollywood loves Reynolds and thinks he is perfect for superhero movies. He also played Deadpool in the movie X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (2009). That worked a little better, because Deadpool is supposed to be a cocky clown. But supposedly his supporting role in the WOLVERINE movie went over so well, that a DEADPOOL movie is now in the works. Reynolds can do no wrong in the world of superheroes, I guess. But for me, he was a completely awful choice for Hal Jordan.

Oh, and by the way, as far as I can tell, that kid was not his son. It was his nephew. Although early on the kid is so worried about his uncle, it seems like a father/son bond. Of course, after that scene, we never see the kid again! So I guess that bond wasn’t very important!

MA: Yeah, I found Ryan Reynold’s performance as Hal irritating as well. I couldn’t bring myself to like him, which is not a good thing for a lead character in a movie.

Blake Lively as Carol Ferris, Hal’s love interest, is beautiful, and she’s a good actress, but in this movie the Carol Ferris character doesn’t do much, nor is she interesting. Lively was in THE TOWN (2010) and she was very good in that movie, so she can really act when given a challenging role. Carol Ferris is not that role.

LS: You can say that again. If Lively is a good actress, I certainly didn’t see any evidence of that in GREEN LANTERN. A CGI cartoon would have had more depth. And, while you mention one of her movie roles, you’re missing the fact that Blake Lively is best known for the TV series GOSSIP GIRL, which is about shallow kids screwing each other over. Not exactly Oscar-worthy material.

MA: I did like Peter Sarsgaard as the villain Hector Hammond, and his was probably my favorite performance in the movie. I like Sarsgaard a lot, and we’ve seen him in ORPHAN (2009) and THE SKELETON KEY (2005). However, as much as I like Sarsgaard, the character of Hector Hammond is not much of a villain.

LS: You mentioned two of Sarsgaard’s more mainstream/genre flicks, but he’s also been a hero of the independent film scene for a long time now. He’s been in some really good stuff like the Oscar-winning film BOYS DON’T CRY (1999), Wayne Wang’s provocative THE CENTER OF THE WORLD (2001), and had an excellent turn in the biopic of KINSEY (2004). Clearly, this guy can actually act, and he’s in the wrong movie here. It was kind of a letdown to see someone this good in a movie this mediocre. And you’re right, because of his talent, he made Hector the most interesting character in the whole movie. I wanted the movie to be more about him. But, in the end, he’s not even the central villain here. He’s just a lackey of the main villain.

And there was an issue that really bugged me. Every time Hector Hammond was about to do something evil, and someone’s life was in danger, the Green Lantern would suddenly appear and fight him. This made sense in a scene where Hammond sabotages a helicopter, because both of them are at the lavish party where it happens. But later on, there is no reason why Hal Jordon would know to be at a certain place at the exact moment he is needed. Hammond is the one who can read minds, not Jordon! This just seemed like bad writing to me.

MA: Mark Strong, who was extremely nasty as the villain in KICK-ASS (2010), is completely wasted here as the Green Lantern leader, Sinestro. I found Sinestro boring and annoying.

LS: I liked Sinestro. I thought Mark Strong played him perfectly, as an arrogant, pompous ass. He goes on to become Hal’s number one nemesis in the comics. How would you know this if you don’t read the comics? Easy. The guy’s name is SINESTRO, as in “sinister.” They might as well have named him BADGUY-IO. And this movie is sort of an origin story of him as well—how he becomes a bad guy. In fact, there’s a very important scene during the end credits that follows up on this. So stick around a little after the credits start to roll, so you don’t miss it. This was clearly DC trying to imitate the whole “extra scene” thing that Marvel does in their movies (but which was missing from the recent X-MEN: FIRST CLASS, for some odd reason).

I’m hungry.  Let’s grab a snack.

MA:  Sure.

(LS & MA approach a snack shack on the beach.  A huge order of onion rings flies off the counter and lands in LS’s hands.)

MA:  The onion rings have chosen you.

LS:  I willed it to happen. For I am the Green Onion!

MA: While the acting in GREEN LANTERN is adequate, the characters the actors are playing are not, and so I blame the writing here. The screenplay was written by four writers, Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, Marc Guggenheim, and Michael Goldenberg. Four writers, and they come up with this?

LS: Yeah, that’s sad. With all those rewrites, they still only attain a level that is a disappointment for a big superhero movie like this.
And, for the most part, the acting seemed below-average to me. I liked Peter Sarsgaard a lot. I liked Mark Strong. I even thought Ryan Reynolds, despite being miscast, had his moments. But the rest of the cast was just ugh. Blake Lively seemed like she just wandered on the set and wasn’t sure what she was doing. Tim Robbins—who can be good, when given a decent role—was boring here as yet another evil politician. BORING! And Taika Waititi as Hal’s best friend, Thomas Kalmaku, was just plain grating. The less we see of him, the better.

And there’s so much wasted talent in smaller roles. The great Angela Bassett is reduced to a one-dimensional government drone. And actors like Geoffrey Rush (Tomar-Re) and Michael Clarke Duncan (Kilowog) seem to be having the most fun here, but that’s because they’re only using their voices to bring CGI characters to life. They don’t have to actually appear in the movie, so that frees them up a bit.

A character with the stature of Green Lantern (in comics) deserved better. This movie is going to be a lot of people’s first exposure to the character, and it’s a weak one.

MA: The humor also misfired. There were so many lines of dialogue that were supposed to be funny, but I wasn’t laughing. I think this was because I didn’t really know the characters all that well. And it was hard to laugh with Hal because it was difficult to know if he was a good guy or not. If he’s truly a screw-up, a guy who’s sort of a jerk, then his jokes aren’t that funny, but the film never really delivers in terms of creating a well-rounded fleshed-out Hal Jordan, and as a result, I think a lot of the humor suffers for it.

LS: There were scenes with obvious, cliché jokes where people in the audience laughed and I was thinking “What the hell are they laughing at?” It was like they laughed because they felt they were supposed to. But I think laughs have to be earned. Not just because “Hey, this is supposed to be funny, so laugh.” Real laughter is an involuntary response. I didn’t laugh once during GREEN LANTERN. In fact, the need for such dumb humor in a movie that deserved a more serious tone made me groan a few times instead.

MA: GREEN LANTERN was directed by Martin Campbell, the same man who directed the James Bond films CASINO ROYALE (2006) and GOLDENEYE (1995), two movies that had much more energy and style than this one. GREEN LANTERN looks fine, but its action sequences—and I was surprised by this—were just average. None of the action scenes in this movie blew me away.

In short, the word that best describes GREEN LANTERN is average, and these days, with all the other superhero movie competition out there, films that are genuinely excellent, average just isn’t good enough. I liked the previous two superhero movies we’ve seen this year, X-MEN: FIRST CLASS and THOR, much better than GREEN LANTERN.

LS: I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I have to agree with you on every point. The thing is, I had heard some advance reaction to this movie, and it was almost all completely negative. So I went in to GREEN LANTERN expecting to see something that was the bottom of the bucket. The thing is, with such low expectations, I was surprised to find the movie wasn’t that bad. It’s certainly not the worst movie to come out in 2011. But it is a disappointment—because it could have been so much better.

MA: I give GREEN LANTERN two knives, and I give it two because it’s not awful. It’s just average.

LS: Average just about pegs it. And in a genre where you expect larger-than-life, flashy characters and lots of high-powered action, average is clearly a failure. I give it two knives as well. It was better than I expected. But nothing great.

(Stirring comes from the ocean waters.  MA & LS turn to see ABE SAPIAN from the HELLBOY movies emerging from the ocean.)

ABE SAPIAN:  Look at this ugly ring I just found.  I think I’ll give it to Hellboy for his birthday.

MA:  I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.  With Hellboy’s imagination, who knows what he’ll conjure up with a Green Lantern ring!

LS:  Which is exactly why Abe should give it to him. Someone like Hellboy—with that kind of power.  Now that’s a story I’d like to see!

MA:  I suppose I can’t argue with that.

LS:  You could.  But you’d be wrong as usual.

MA:  The only thing I’m wrong about on a consistent basis is my ongoing decision to team up with you each weekend!  What am I thinking???

Anyway, we’re done here.

LS:  Yep, folks, we’re done.  We’ll see you next weekend with a review of another new movie.

—END—

© Copyright 2011 by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

Michael Arruda gives GREEN LANTERN – 2 knives!

LL Soares also gives GREEN LANTERN - 2 knives!

2 Comments »

SUPER 8

Posted in 2011, Aliens, Cinema Knife Fights, Giant Monsters, JJ Abrams, Science Fiction, Steven Spielberg with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2011 by knifefighter

Cinema Knife Fight: SUPER 8
by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

(The Scene: An old-fashioned train station in a small town. It’s 1979, and a bunch of kids are filming a zombie movie with a Super 8 camera. LL SOARES and MICHAEL ARRUDA approach)

LS: Damn brats! Get out of here! We’ve got a movie to review.

KID 1: Gee, mister, can’t we just finish this scene? We snuck out of our houses late at night and everything to get this shot.

MA:  Gee, mister? What is this, LEAVE IT TO BEAVER? This is 1979, not 1959. I grew up in the 70s, and we weren’t saying “gee, mister.”

KID 1: What are you complaining to me for? I’m just saying the lines. I didn’t write ‘em, you big jerk!

MA: That’s more like it.

LS: Who cares? (roars at kid) GET OUTTA HERE!

(Kids scream and run away.)

MA: Shall we start our review of SUPER 8?

LS: Sure.

SUPER 8 is the new movie by J.J. Abrams. He’s the guy behind TV shows like “Alias” and “Lost.” He also directed the recent reboot of the STAR TREK (2009) franchise.

MA: And he produced the great giant monster movie, CLOVERFIELD (2008).

LS: Yeah, yeah, I was getting to that.

This one is also produced by the legendary Steven Spielberg, which is fitting, because in a lot of ways, SUPER 8 feels like a homage to Spielberg’s early 80s films, especially E.T.: THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL (1982).

Unfortunately, I hated E.T. I thought the effects were lame, especially the creature—good ol’ E.T. himself—who looked very stiff and puppet-like. And don’t get me started on the sappy, overly sentimental story.

MA: Yep same here. Back in 1982 I thought I was the only guy on the planet who didn’t like that movie.

LS:  In comparison, SUPER 8 is definitely an improvement. But it’s not perfect.

MA: SUPER 8 didn’t remind me all that much of E.T., thankfully. Sure, it’s about an alien, and kids, but I thought this story stood on its own, even though it certainly did have the feel of a Steven Spielberg movie. I say this because one of the main plot points of E.T. was the connection between the boy and the alien, and here in SUPER 8, while this happens, it’s not the main focus—again, thankfully. I never felt I was watching “Me and my Alien Buddy,” which was a good thing.

LS: SUPER 8 begins with the death of Joe Lamb’s (Joel Courtney) mom at the factory where she worked. Joe is about 12 years old and it’s the summer of 1979. He’s taking the death of his mom pretty hard (which makes sense) as is his father, Jackson (Kyle Chandler), the town’s deputy sheriff. The more Joe and his dad talk, the more it’s pretty obvious they really don’t know each other and don’t have a lot in common. Jackson wants his son to go to a sports camp to be more manly. Joe wants to spend the summer helping his friends finish a zombie movie they’re making. Considering that Joe’s life revolves around things like comic books and making Aurora monster models (mostly of Universal monsters of the 1930s – these models were pretty popular back then), he and his father couldn’t be more different.

MA: Yep, I had a whole bunch of those Aurora models.

LS: Yeah, I did, too.

MA: I was actually a bit disappointed that Joe only had the Hunchback of Notre Dame model. He should have had more. Oh well.

LS: He must have had more—they just didn’t show them. Right?

MA:  How the hell do I know?

(A TRAIN’s whistle howls in the distance)

LS: Joe’s buddy Charles (Riley Griffiths) is directing the film, and the two have been friends since second grade. Charles is bossy, but then again this comes in handy for someone wanting to be a director. To make the movie more “commercial” he asks a girl at school, Alice Dainard (Elle Fanning), to play one of the characters’ wife, to give the movie a “love story” angle. She agrees and does a pretty great audition.

Joe is the make-up artist, and it’s clear early on that he has fallen for Alice. The thing is, she’s the daughter of the local troublemaker, Louis (Ron Eldard), who Joe’s dad has had to arrest on several occasions. There’s also a resentment because Joe’s mother was filling in for one of Louis’s shifts at the factory when she was killed, so Jackson kind of blames the guy for his wife’s death. Needless to say, neither Jackson nor Louis are very happy to see that their kids spending time together.

While filming their movie at a train station—much like this one—late at night, a truck jumps on the tracks and rams itself right into the train, causing a huge and violent derailment. The kids almost get killed, but are able to get away before “anyone” sees them. As for this “anyone” – it’s the US Air Force, and soldiers swarm the area soon afterwards. Something escaped from that train wreck, but they aren’t saying what. Soon, the soldiers are taking over and evacuating the whole town.

As the movie develops, we learn that the train was holding a strange alien life form captive, and now that it’s been set free, it is scrambling around town, taking equipment it needs to construct a spaceship to get back home. So, just like E.T., the SUPER 8 monster wants to “Go Home.”

The kids get caught up in the drama of the Air Force, the monster, and their own lives.

MA: Not exactly an original story. While I really liked the characters and dialogue in this movie, its premise, the alien who’s “really just frightened and only wants to go home” —-

(A loud sympathetic “awwww” sound erupts from the audience.)

Yep, thank you, all of you just joining us now after the last episode of OPRAH. As I was saying, this premise didn’t wow me. Been there, done that. Speaking of Mr. Alien, what did you think of the monster?

LS: I think Abrams did a good job with the monster.

MA: Really? I was a little disappointed.

LS: We don’t see it up close very much (which was similar to CLOVERFIELD), and for most of the movie we see what it has done, but not the creature itself. It seems to move in a spider/crab –like way, and actually seems pretty alien in its appearance and movements (much unlike the awful E.T.).

MA: I thought the movie worked well in spite of this. The story was strong even while we weren’t seeing the alien. The problem I had was once we do see the alien, it’s really late in the game. As much as I enjoyed this movie, it could have used more alien screen time.

LS: I think it works that they build up suspense and don’t show the monster right away. What exactly does this thing look like? In too many monster movies lately, they show the creature way too early in the game. I thought this one was well-paced.

MA: I was also a bit disappointed with the look of the alien, mostly because CGI aliens just don’t cut it for me. I always feel like I’m watching a video game. Abram’s monster in CLOVERFIELD was one of the better CGI alien monsters. For some reason, this one reminded me of a Transformer/alien hybrid. I think it was the way it moved.

LS: Also unlike E.T., this isn’t a sweet little story about kids bonding with a cute guy from outer space.

(A huge cheer erupts from the audience.)

MA: Amen!

LS: I think the monster is actually kind of scary, and at one points starts abducting some humans as well (including Alice), and later we find out it’s for food. It’s this more gritty take on the monster—that it’s not safe and cuddly—that differentiates it from Spielberg’s so-called “classic.”

MA: I agree. The monster eating people for food was definitely one of the better parts of the story, but sadly it’s mentioned all too briefly. It should have been more a part of this movie.

LS: Yeah, I’m with you on that. It certainly could have used even more “scariness.”

(TRAIN is getting closer. Whistle is louder)

LS: I actually thought the monster might end up looking like the creature from CLOVERFIELD, to have some kind of continuity between the two films, but no such luck.

MA: Yeah, that would have been a cool connection. Oh well.

LS:  However, despite the differences, there are also several scenes throughout the movie that are overly sentimental and sugary, and these do the best at conjuring up the feel of those old Spielberg films, especially toward the end. They’re also the aspects of this film I didn’t like.

MA: I didn’t think there were too many of these, thankfully.

(The freight TRAIN roars by, suddenly derailing and crashing into the countryside)

LS: Dammit, we’re trying to finish a review here.

MA: You’re all heart. We should go see if there are any survivors who need our help.

LS: Wait, wait. We’re almost done.

Overall, the acting is pretty good. First off, I like Kyle Chandler a lot (he plays the coach on the excellent TV show “Friday Night Lights” —which is in its last season—so I hope Chandler is able to make the jump to movies pretty easily).

MA: Yeah, Chandler is fine, but SUPER 8 really isn’t his movie. It belongs to the kids, and while I really enjoyed the kids here, the film could have used a stronger adult presence. I wanted to see more of Chandler’s character. Specifically, I wanted his character to do more. He’s got decent screen time, but he always seems to be on the periphery of the action. I wish he had been more like the Timothy Olyphant character in THE CRAZIES (2010).

LS: Well, at least he’s not completely passive like some movie dads. When the Air Force takes him prisoner at one point, he doesn’t just accept it, he fights back. And the kids are all pretty believable. I thought Courtney is fine as Joe, although he does seem a bit generic at times.

MA: Really? I thought Courtney was terrific. I thought he gave the best performance in the movie. He was sincere, sympathetic, and eventually he proves himself to be quite the hero. I thought his performance was key, because if you don’t like this kid, then the film’s not going to work.

LS: I dunno. There were a few times where Joe seemed kind of cliché to me. Courtney does a good job with the role in spite of that, though. Another kid who stands out is Ryan Lee as Cary, a kid obsessed with fire and pyrotechnics, and who is in charge of explosions and effects for the kids’ movie. He has some funny lines.

MA: Yes, Lee was great. I also enjoyed Riley Griffiths as Charles, the kid making the movie. Sure, he’s the “fat kid,” but he’s not cliché, in that he’s strong, assertive, and bossy. Also, his large family is a hoot.

LS: Yeah, I thought Charles was pretty good. His family, too.

But it’s Elle Fanning who pretty much steals every scene she’s in. She’s very good here, and clearly has acting chops that are above and beyond the rest of the kids in the film. Her “audition” for the kids’ movie was so good, it made me feel like I was watching someone who was going to be a star.

MA: I agree with everything you said about Fanning, but I also think Courtney was just as good.

I also really enjoyed the connection that Alice and Joe shared. They’re both without their moms, they both have dads that are struggling, and it was fun to see them become attracted to each other. It was an attraction I bought and believed in.

LS: Yep, it definitely worked.

MA: Even though this movie was about the kids, there were a couple of other memorable adult performances here. Ron Eldard certainly made an impression as Alice’s dad, Louis. At first, he comes off as a good-for-nothing loser, but eventually he earns some sympathy and is able to redeem himself. I also enjoyed David Gallagher as Donny, the local pothead who works at the store where Charles develops his movie film. He also has the hots for Charles’ sister and later on, because of these feelings, gets rooked into helping the kids.

LS: Yeah, Gallagher is pretty funny as the stoner guy.

MA: Interestingly enough, other than Fanning’s Alice, there really aren’t any other women characters in this movie. For a while there, I thought the alien fed only on women since there didn’t seem to be any women in town!

LS: I noticed that, too. And both of the main kids’ mothers are dead.

(Something is approaching them in the mist. They can hear something scuttling closer)

LS: I thought Abrams did a fine job directing this one. He’s proven he’s got the goods. But I wish he wasn’t so interested in aping Spielberg and seeking his approval. The Spielbergian elements are the ones that don’t work as well. Abrams is better when he’s doing things in his own “voice.” And frankly, some of the sappier scenes also result in lapses of logic, where emoting is more important than actually thinking.

MA: I didn’t think there were too many of these sappy scenes. Which ones were you thinking about?

LS: Well, like I said before, it’s especially toward the end. Like when Joe “bonds” briefly with the alien, even though he had just saved his girlfriend by being eaten by it. Of course, that’s explained by the fact that he’s desperate not to be killed, so it makes sense in the moment. But he just seems way too quick to empathize with this dangerous creature from then on. And there are some overly sentimental moments throughout the film.

MA: But I agree with you about lapses in logic. There were parts to this movie that didn’t make much sense to me. For example, the train accident is caused by a scientist who drives his truck onto the tracks in order to— as we learn later—free the alien. Now, I realize this guy was desperate, but aren’t there better/easier ways to free something than derailing a train?

LS: Yeah, if he had time to plan it out all out—which he did—he could have done it without risking his life.

MA: I also thought a lot of the story was rushed and some interesting points were simply glossed over without being developed. The alien technology used to build its ship is mentioned oh-so-quickly. It’s a cool concept, but it’s mentioned in a flash and not reiterated— look down to find that dropped popcorn kernel on your shirt and you missed it!

LS: Those weird Rubik’s cube things were cool!

MA: They were cool, but they weren’t in the movie all that much.

All the dogs run away as soon as the alien arrives. Why? Does the alien eat dogs? The alien eats people, we kinda know that, as it’s mentioned in a very brief scene. An alien that eats people? This is scary stuff! It needs to be in this movie more!

LS: Yeah, what was up with the dogs?

MA: We also never really learn why the military is so interested in this alien, other than the fact that it’s the military, so of course they’d be interested in such an alien and in covering up the whole ordeal from the public. The portrayal of the military here is extremely clichéd. They’re reduced to the “bad guy” heavies who are only interested in cover-ups and killing aliens.

Repeat after me. “Alien—good.” “Military—bad.” Cliché! Who wrote this? The Frankenstein monster?

All this being said, I did like SUPER 8. I thought the kids were great. They were memorable, they were fun, and when all hell breaks loose, you really care for them as they go through their ordeal.

I also automatically connected to them since the story takes place in 1979, and I was around the same age in the late 1970s, and so it brought back a lot of memories. Speaking of which, I loved the 70s songs on the soundtrack, and I enjoyed the HALLOWEEN poster on the wall. Director J.J. Abrams successfully captured the feel of 1979.

Like you, I thought Abrams was fine at the helm. There were a couple of very intense scenes, the initial train crash scene I thought was terrific….

LS: I thought the train crash was really over the top. A little truck causes that much damage? Everything is flying around like crazy—for what feels like a long time—and it almost defies logic that none of the kids gets killed by flying chunks of metal and that their “getaway car” still runs, considering how close it was to the train station.

MA:  All true, but I still liked the scene, and later in the movie when all the weapons/tanks went haywire, that was also intense. These were my favorite parts of the film, and I wish there had been more of them. I also liked the sequence when the alien attacks the bus on which the kids were being held prisoner by the military.

Abrams also wrote the movie, and I think he gets an A for creating likable characters and for telling an exciting story, but as far as the threat goes, it really wasn’t all that terrifying and certainly not original. The alien who just wants to go home? We saw that in ET, and even in John Carpenter’s THE THING (1982), and even “the monster motivated by fear;” we saw that in CLOVERFIELD. And this alien is certainly not The Thing or Cloverfield!

The few intense scenes in this movie were excellent. There should have been more of them.

LS: I agree. I really liked this movie, but I didn’t love it. I wish Abrams had relied more on his own sensibility than trying to emulate his idol, Spielberg.

Oh yeah, and stay for the end credits. They show the whole zombie movie the kids were working on, and it’s pretty funny!

I give it three knives. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if this movie became a hit.

MA: Yeah, it does have that “hit” feel to it, doesn’t it?

I certainly liked it. I found it to be enjoyable enough. It’s got a great group of kid characters, a few good adult ones, an engrossing story, but an alien we hardly get to know, and while the story is engrossing, it’s not original. We’ve seen this tale before. Still, Abrams does such a good job with the material, you don’t really care; you’re having too much fun.

I also give SUPER 8 three knives.

(The mist clears to show a giant E.T. bobbing his head up and down, accompanied by ALF)

E.T.: Do you have phone? E.T. must phone home.

ALF: Yes, and I need to call Melmac. Do you think they’ll accept the charges from here?

E.T.: Do you have any Reese’s Pieces?

ALF: Or cats?

(LS screams and runs away)

MA (in sugary sweet voice): Why yes, I have a phone.

E.T. (smiles): Phone— please.

MA: Why, certainly. Here you go. (Hands E.T. sparkling sticks of dynamite.) (MA turns around and blocks his ears. Behind him there is a HUGE EXPLOSION.)

Who says I don’t have a dark side? Well, I’d better go tell LL that the coast is clear. Thanks for joining us. We’ll see you next week with a review of another new movie.

(MA walks off in search of LS, as bits and pieces of E.T. fall to the ground. When the smoke clears, we see ALF is still standing there.)

ALF: What about me?

—END—

© Copyright 2011 by Michael Arruda and L.L. Soares

Michael Arruda gives SUPER 8 – three knives

LL Soares also gives SUPER 8 - three knives

2 Comments »

I AM NUMBER FOUR!

Posted in 2011, Aliens, Cinema Knife Fights, High School Horrors, Michael Arruda Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2011 by knifefighter

CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT:  I AM NUMBER FOUR (2011)
By MICHAEL ARRUDA

(The Scene: A high school hallway.  Students are bustling through the hall, some rushing to get to class, others lingering by their lockers, talking, horsing around.  A handsome young man approaches his locker, looking forlorn. He is approached by a beautiful teenage girl.  She speaks to him, but he continues to look inside his locker, as if he’s too upset to look at her.)

GIRL:  When are you going to tell me the truth?

YOUNG MAN:  I can’t.  I wish I could.

GIRL:  Can’t or won’t?

YOUNG MAN:  Fine!  I’ll tell you!  I’m an alien from another planet!  I have special powers that I’m still learning how to use, and my life is one big mess!

GIRL:  I knew it!  I knew you weren’t from this planet, Clarke!

YOUNG MAN (confused):  Clarke?  (He turns to face girl for first time.  They’re both surprised to see each other.)  Who are you?

GIRL:  I’m Lana.  I’m sorry. I thought you were someone else:   Clarke Kent.  His locker is right next to yours.

YOUNG MAN:  No, I’m Number Four— er, I mean, John Smith.

(Camera pans away and finds MICHAEL ARRUDA walking through the hall.  MA addresses the camera.)

MA:  Yes, there are similarities between today’s movie, I AM NUMBER FOUR (2011) and the TV series, SMALLVILLE, which is no surprise, since screenwriter Alfred Gough, who wrote the screenplay for this movie, also penned a bunch of SMALLVILLE episodes.

Welcome to CINEMA KNIFE FIGHT.  L.L. is off tonight, so I’m doing this one solo, which means I won’t be fighting with him during this review, but not to worry, for those of you who tune in for that sort of thing, and you know who you are, you’re like the hockey fans who watch hockey for the fights and could care less about the final score— there’ll be plenty of fights in this one to go around.

(MA suddenly fights his way through a hostile crowd of high school teenagers making their way to class.  MA is pushed backwards.  He manages to escape through a door, and finds himself in the waiting area of the principal’s office.)

MA:  Well, that’s not how we drew it up, but hey, here we are, as good a place as any to conduct this review of the new science fiction action thriller, I AM NUMBER FOUR, a film that is certainly science fiction, but there’s not a lot of action, and it’s not much of a thriller.

I AM NUMBER FOUR opens with a murder, as a teenager and his protector are killed by some evil aliens known as the Mogadorians.  It’s not a particularly exciting sequence, and so the movie doesn’t get off to a rousing start.

The action switches to our young hero Number Four (Alex Pettyfer), living in sunny California, who, while swimming with a hot babe at the beach, has a bizarre experience where a scar on his leg glows as if it were touched by ET.  This somehow tells him that Number 3 has been killed, and so it’s time for him, Number 4, to be on the move again.

He changes his name to John Smith, and he moves with his protector Henri (Tim Olyphant) to Ohio where they hope to lay low for a while, to keep hidden from the menacing Mogadorians.  John explains in some silly voice-over narration that he’s an alien, that the Mogadorians are bad guys from his home planet, and that they’re hell bent on killing John and his alien buddies, who are all hiding on Earth.

What’s not explained to any degree of satisfaction is WHY the Mogadorians want to kill these teens.  Something is said about the teens’ possessing the ability to destroy the Mogadorians, and since the Mogadorians don’t care too much for dying, I guess they figure they should kill off these teens.  But are they immortal otherwise?  In other words, if the Mogadorians succeed in killing all the alien teens, can’t they still die?  This plot point doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, and as a result, the story lacks a convincing reason for the Mogadorians’ actions.

Also not really explained is why the teens have to be killed in order.  Why does Number 4 need to be eliminated after Number 3?  Why can’t they go after Number 5 first? Does this mean that if the Mogadorians found Number 5 first, they wouldn’t kill him, because it was out of order?  This doesn’t make much sense.

(A Mogadorian pokes his head through door, literally, breaking the glass window.)

MOGADORIAN:  We like order!

MA:  Me, too, but aren’t you carrying it to the point of ridiculousness?  Are you telling me that if Number 7 walked through that door right now, you’d let him go, because you haven’t killed Number 4 yet?

MOGADORIAN:  I don’t know.  Let me think about that and get back to you.

MA:  Here’s some advice.  Tell your screenwriters to think about these things in advance!

(Door to principal’s office opens, and principal enters waiting area.)

PRINCIPAL:  What’s going on here?

MA (points to MOGADORIAN):  He broke your door.  Kids today.

PRINCIPAL:  Alright, Mogadorian, I’ve had enough out of you. In my office now!  I’m calling your mom!

MOGADORIAN:  Ah, man! Not my mom!  (He stomps into principal’s office, and the door slams.)

MA:  Alone at last.  Back to I AM NUMBER FOUR.

In Ohio, Henri advises John to keep out of sight completely, but John just can’t stand being stuck in the house, so he goes ahead and enrolls at his local high school.  John wants to go to school.  If that doesn’t prove he’s an alien, I don’t know what does!

In school, John meets the lovely Sarah (Dianna Agron) and they soon have a thing going.  She’s an amateur photographer – probably not the best friend to hang around with when you’re trying to lay low, but strangely this doesn’t become a problem.  John also befriends the geeky Sam (Callan McAuliffe) who’s obsessed with aliens, since his father believed in aliens and later mysteriously disappeared.  How convenient that these two characters should meet, especially when it’s discovered that the aliens Sam’s dad were researching were John and his buddies.  What are the odds?  I’d say they’re not very good.  This plot point is anything but believable.

Sarah’s former boyfriend is the school quarterback turned bully Mark (Jake Abel).  Mark is insanely jealous and sets his sights on tormenting John, which means before the Mogadorians show up, John gets to show off his newfound powers against Mark and his gang of bullies.  John’s powers include the ability to jump through the air in oh-so-cool ways, and he can shoot bursts of energy through his hands like mini bolts of lightning.  He’s also incredibly strong.

(Behind MA in the school hallway, strange flashing lights are seen through the broken glass in the door.  There’s the sound of a commotion, with people screaming and fighting.  MA peers into hallway.  He catches a student by the arm.)

MA:  What’s going on?

STUDENT:  It’s the last day of school before winter vacation!

MA:  It’s awfully early to be going home, isn’t it?

STUDENT:  It’s a half day!  We’re friggin out of this hell hole!

(MA looks down hallway to see a myriad of students jumping through the air in oh-so-cool ways.)

MA:  It looks like an episode of GLEE.  Okay, back to the movie.

Eventually, the Mogadorians show up to kill John, which comes as no surprise, since this is what the movie is about.  It would have been better had they shown up earlier, so the movie could have moved on to stuff that was a surprise.

John’s protector Henri proves to be as helpful as an old lady.

(An old lady opens door.)

OLD LADY:  I resent that remark! (She throws a book at MA which hits him in the head.)

MA:  Ow!  What did you do that for?  There’s a whole hallway of students out there causing a ruckus.  Don’t you have something better to do?  How could you even hear me with all that noise out there?

OLD LADY:  Now, you’re calling me deaf?  (She throws another book at MA, then leaves.)

MA:  This is a tough school.

Anyway, Henri proves useless as he is promptly disposed of by the Mogadorians, but not to worry, for help arrives in the form of Number 6 (Teresa Palmer) a hot motorcycle-riding babe who shows up just in time to team up with John, Sarah, and Sam to kick some Mogadorian butt.

I AM NUMBER FOUR is an entertaining but VERY light movie that would have been more effective had it been more hard hitting.  The story of an alien teen pursued by evil aliens intent on killing him is compelling enough for a start, but as you would expect from a big budget Hollywood production, this story is not developed.

It takes forever for the baddies, the Mogadorians, to find John. In the meantime, we have to sit through a rather bland love story between John and Sarah, and while this story doesn’t come close to the excruciating boredom generated by the TWILIGHT movies, at times, it does come close.  I mean, there are similarities:  the high school setting, the teen angst, the lack of conflict for long periods of time.

Why not bring in the Mogadorians half way into this story?  This way, we wouldn’t be so sure of what was going to happen.  The way the story plays now, the battle happens at the end of the movie, and so it’s rather obvious to the audience what’s going to happen, obvious and not that exciting.  Does anybody in the theater REALLY think that John and his pals are going to lose?

John’s guardian, Henri, is supposed to be a warrior, which is laughable, since he’s anything but.  He gets caught and surprised so easily, John’s better off without him.

The Mogadorians, the main baddies in this movie, are genuinely creepy, and I liked them, but they’re not in this movie anywhere near enough.  Plus, even though they are creepy, they’re not dark enough.  They should be nightmare-inducing, but they’re not.

There are also some CGI created monsters which make their appearance late in the movie to take part in the final battle, and yeah, they’re pretty fake-looking.  They’re not quite as bad as the awful CGI werewolves from the TWILIGHT movies, but they’re not much better, either.

I AM NUMBER FOUR is also dreadfully slow for most of its first half.  Again, it doesn’t approach the boredom levels found in TWILIGHT, but it’s certainly missing some pacing early on.  With all the talky scenes, this story may have worked better as a TV show than a theatrical movie.

The performances in this one are all pretty good.  Alex Pettyfer as the lead, Number 4/alias John Smith, is likeable enough, although considering the kind of life he’s been leading, he doesn’t show a lot of angst at spending his life on the run.  He says he’s sick of moving around, but he doesn’t seem all that upset.  Imagine what a young Johnny Depp or Leonardo DiCaprio would have done with this role.

Tim Olyphant is good as Henri, though he’s nowhere near as memorable as he was in last year’s THE CRAZIES.  The biggest problem is that the character he’s playing, Henri, is a disappointment.  He’s supposed to be this warrior protector, but he’s all talk and no action.  As soon as it comes time for him to do something, he fails miserably.

Dianna Agron from TV’s GLEE is very good as John’s love interest, Sarah, and hers was probably my favorite performance in the movie.  Callan McAuliffe was also very good as Sam, the likeable geek.  Jake Abel as Mark made for a believable bully.

Kevin Durand, who we saw as the angel Gabriel in last year’s LEGION, plays the Mogadorian Commander.  Like the other Mogadorians in the movie, he’s creepy, but he doesn’t go far enough, nor is he in the movie enough.  These villains could easily have been developed further.

Teresa Palmer rocks as Number 6, and she’s one of the more exciting characters in the movie.  What’ s not to like about a hot alien biker babe?  However, she too isn’t in this one enough.

Also on hand is Brian Howe in a brief comic scene, comic before it turns deadly as Howe’s character meets a grisly end, which, of course, happens off camera.  Howe has a very long resume of appearances in both TV and movies, but I always remember him for his hilarious performance as Dr. Roger Fleming in the campy classic THE LOST SKELETON OF CADAVRA (2001).  Hard to believe that one is 10 years old already!

I AM NUMBER FOUR was directed by D. J. Caruso, who also directed DISTURBIA (2007).  Here, Caruso helms a slick flick, but unfortunately he does nothing to put his stamp on this movie.  There’s nothing in this one to distinguish it from other movies of this type.  There aren’t any scares, and though there are action scenes, mostly at the end, they’re certainly not memorable.  They’re not anything you wouldn’t see on a TV show.  I’m sorry, but a theatrical action movie should have action scenes that are more exciting and more visually thrilling than what you would see in a TV series.

Alfred Gough wrote the screenplay, and as I already noted he wrote the scripts for several SMALLVILLE episodes.  There are similarities between I AM NUMBER FOUR and SMALLVILLE, including the main characters (both aliens with super powers) and the high school setting.  Gough also wrote the screenplays for SPIDER-MAN 2 (2004) and THE MUMMY:  TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR (2008).  I liked SPIDER-MAN 2 but not THE MUMMY movie.  This one falls somewhere in between those two films.

When the teens are talking to each other about real life teen stuff, like relationships and the like, the dialogue is good, but when the talk switches to aliens and John’s mission, the dialogue is forced and almost laughable at times.

The highly charged music score by Trevor Rabin is a good one and certainly helps this movie along.

I AM NUMBER FOUR has its share of weaknesses, yet it’s somehow likeable, I guess because it’s got likeable characters and a decent premise, even if it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.  So, in spite of its flaws, it still manages to entertain.   Watching I AM NUMBER FOUR is kinda like eating light ice cream.  Not the real deal, but somehow still satisfying.

I give it two and a half knives.

All right, that about wraps things up here.  Thanks for joining us. L.L. will be back next week as we review another new movie.  I think I’ll just stop off at the restroom before I leave.

(MA enters restroom and finds that the stall is occupied.  He waits, waits, and waits.)

MA:  Hey, buddy, what are you doing in there?  Reading WAR AND PEACE?

PERSON IN STALL:  I live here.  This is my home.

MA:  What?  What are you talking about?

PERSON IN STALL:  I—-  am Number 2.

—-END—

© Copyright 2011 by Michael Arruda

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