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Nick Cato’s 50th SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES Column!!

Posted in 2012, 70s Horror, Blaxploitation, Crime Films, Devil Movies, Drive-in Movies, Gore!, Grindhouse, Monsters, Nick Cato Reviews, Suburban Grindhouse Memories with tags , , , , , , , on May 17, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
Special 50th Column: “My Grindhouse Wish”
by Nick Cato

Since I’ve spent 99% of this column’s space talking about the experiences I’ve had at my local theaters, I figured I’d take this special 50th installment of SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES to reveal the top ten grindhouse films (that I’ve seen either on TV or video) that I WISH I could’ve seen at a seedy theater or drive-in upon their INITIAL release.  While I enjoyed the following films for a variety of reasons, I’m sure each one of them would’ve been enhanced, surrounded by wise-cracking theater patrons during a scratchy, poorly-focused screening.

10) I think I was about 10 years old the first time I saw DON’T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT (1973) on late night television.  After a surprising opening, the film drags for a good fifteen minutes, then slowly builds to a finale that (at the time) was quite intense.  This underrated gem about lunatics running the asylum is currently being remade, but there’s just no way they’re going to capture the gritty, desolate tone of this low-budget shocker.

9) SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED is an extremely low budget 1974 Yeti thriller that goes in a direction few first-time viewers will see coming.  I saw this on TV for the first time around 1979 and couldn’t get enough.  I’d love to have seen an audience’s reaction to the twist ending.

8) Released in the summer of 1972, I’d love to have been at a rural drive-in when NIGHT OF THE LEPUS first screened.  This incredibly goofy film about giant rabbits attacking Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun, and STAR TREK’s DeForest Kelly must be seen to be believed, and must’ve had the crowds in stitches.  What makes it so good is how serious the filmmakers took the whole thing…

7) Every cult film fan has a favorite Russ Meyer film.  Mine is SUPERVIXEN (1975), which is basically a sexy road trip chase film with a little MANIAC COP thrown in.  But what blew me away was the dazzling editing during an early sequence split between a gas station and an apartment: every film maker should watch this at least once.  There’s a good chance you’ll get dizzy trying to keep up with all the angles and shots.  It’s also genuinely hysterical.

6) There must’ve been something seriously dangerous in the air during the early 70s.  Case in point is 1972’s BLOOD FREAK, about a dope-smoking guy who eats turkey from an experimental turkey farm and is turned into a turkey-headed monster who needs the blood of other drug addicts to survive.  Oh…and it also has a pro-Jesus message and stars Steve Hawkes, who had starred in a few Spanish TARZAN films (got all that?).  I can’t even begin to think what theater-goers must’ve thought of this, but thanks to the lunatics at Something Weird Video, adventurous cinephiles can obtain a deluxe DVD edition loaded with extras.  I’ve watched it too many times to admit…

5) In the late 90s I found a used VHS copy of 1975’s THE BLACK GESTAPO, a film I had never heard of despite being a life-long fan of blaxploitation cinema.  But unlike other films in this subgenre, THE BLACK GESTAPO was just downright nasty and mean-spirited throughout its entire running time: tired of their women being raped by white guys, a group of black men band together and start taking their streets back.  There’s plenty of action, classic dialogue, and violence (including a bathtub castration sequence that pre-dates I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE by four years) to keep any trash-film fan’s interest.  I’d hate to have been the only white guy at a screening of this, but then again it could’ve been a real blast!

4) While the idea behind THE CORPSE GRINDERS (1971) sounds better on paper than it translated to film, this early offering from director Ted V. Mikels is a real piece of cinematic insanity: a floundering pet food company—in an attempt to save money—begin to dig up corpses and grind them into cat food.  In turn, cats start going crazy and attack their owners.  A couple of moronic cops get on the case.  The corpse-grinding machine was made out of a refrigerator box and looks beyond cheesy, yet somehow certain scenes in the graveyard have fantastic atmosphere.  The cat attacks are unconvincing, the acting is horrendous, and I would’ve given anything to have seen this with a group of like-minded film freaks…

3) Since my initial Saturday afternoon TV viewing of SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS (1975), I’ve been hooked: a Satanist (who is also a janitor at a local high school) kidnaps four cheerleaders who get lost on a road trip.  He’s looking to sacrifice one of them in a ritual, but is killed by the Devil when he tries to rape one of them.  A shady couple (the wife played by Yvonne DeCarlo of THE MUNSTERS fame) then attempt to finish the janitor’s job, only to discover one of the cheerleaders is actually a closet witch.  In many ways this is the ULTIMATE 70s exploitation film: cheerleaders, backwoods Satanists, and four of the best looking actresses ever to grace a low budget feature add up to a true guilty pleasure.  This slice of 70s sinema ends with the cheerleaders using their newfound powers to help their football team win!  When I finally found a VHS copy of this sometime in the early 80s, I was surprised to see such a low nudity level (something most grindhouse films rely on), but the sheer nuttiness of this offering from director Greydon (BLACK SHAMPOO) Clark works well, despite its lack of skin.

2) When my family purchased our first VCR in 1983, I immediately ran to our local video store and rented 1963’s BLOOD FEAST, a film I had been reading about in FANGORIA Magazine since their fourth issue.  In the middle of watching it, my dad came home from work and freaked out.  He had seen this at a theater in Georgia a few weeks before he went to Korea with the army.  He told me people—some soldiers—actually passed out during a few of the gore scenes and most of the theater was empty by the time it ended.  NO ONE had seen anything like this at that time, and it was amazing to have first-hand proof that the accounts I had read in FANGORIA were true.  I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like to be in a theater when something so different and ground-breaking was unleashed for the first time.  And being my old man was there, perhaps my love for this stuff was somehow passed through him to me at the time?

1) Despite the ground-breaking nature of BLOOD FEAST, I thought long and hard about what the A-#1 grindhouse film I wish I could’ve seen in a theater should be.  It might seem a bit typical, but I can think of no better film than NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968).  I remember reading an article from film critic Roger Ebert where he recalled his first viewing: a young child sat next to him, hiding his eyes and shaking in total terror, causing Ebert to write, “What kind of a parent drops their kids off at something called NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD?”  I first saw it on late night TV when I was about seven years old, and it’s the main film responsible for my love of the horror genre.  George Romero’s low-budget classic reinvented the zombie film, and, from all accounts that I’ve read, was one of the scariest experiences since 1960’s PSYCHO for many theater-goers.  What more could any fan of grindhouse cinema ask for?

SO there you have it, folks: ten films I wish I could’ve seen in a theater from the “golden age” of the grindhouse film.  Now it’s time for me to stop dreaming and begin searching my fading celluloid memory for the 51st column.  See ‘ya in two weeks!

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

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Books About Movies: CONSPIRACY CINEMA by David Ray Carter

Posted in 2012, Books About Movies, Conspiracy Theories, Controverisal Films, Nick Cato Reviews with tags , , , on May 12, 2012 by knifefighter

BOOKS ABOUT MOVIES
CONSPIRACY CINEMA by David Ray Carter (2012 Headpress / 272 pp / trade paperback)
Review by Nick Cato

The first time I was exposed to a conspiracy theory was in 1977 when I saw the film CAPRICORN ONE.  The story concerned a staged NASA spaceship landing on Mars.  While I was never too concerned over the whole idea that the American moon landing was a sham, I did find it a great idea for a story.  But I never knew just how many documentaries about it existed, as well as many other theories, until reading CONSPIRACY CINEMA, the latest title from the UK’s Headpress Books.

Author David Ray Carter defines Conspiracy Cinema as “…films by amateur filmmakers that are used to promote a specific viewpoint on a popular conspiracy theory.”  These “films” are usually shot-on-video projects, made to be watched on popular websites like YouTube, although many of them are originally released on DVD (and before that, VHS).  Carter has sat through countless hours of conspiracy films, and here provides a neatly-organized look at the best, worst, and most unusual titles dedicated to each theory.

The opening section on 9/11 films is nothing short of incredible: while many have seen the popular documentary LOOSE CHANGE (one of several films to claim the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks were the work of the U.S. government and/or the New World Order), some of the other titles caused me to flat out laugh (2001: THE YEAR WE MADE CONTACT (2010) is really off its rocker) while others seem to bring up some solid, arguable points (such as 2005’s EVERYBODY’S GOT TO LEARN SOMETIME).  Carter admits that many of these 9/11 films borrow footage from each other and can become tedious; thankfully he has sifted through them all and gives you URLs to the websites of the better offerings, where readers can watch and make up their own minds.

I never realized how much stuff was available about the July 7, 2005 London Bombings, so much that conspiracy fans call it “7/7,” as regularly as the average Joe uses the term “9/11.”  And like the 9/11 films, the London Bombing films offer everything from government to supernatural conspiracies.  Carter then takes a look at the Kennedy assassination films (including Oliver Stone’s 1991 fictional account), Martin Luther King Jr., Princess Diana, the Oklahoma City Bombing, Waco, and much more.  Each section gives The Facts, then The Official Version, and finally, The Conspiracy Theories of each subject, before delivering non-biased, encyclopedia-type reviews of the films.

CONSPIRACY CINEMA’s second section, dealing with the Illuminati and the New World Order, is quite informative for anyone who has ever wondered what the differences (or similarities) of these groups are.  The amount of documentaries available on both topics is staggering, and like the first section, Carter has done a fine job in narrowing down the more interesting titles.

The book finishes with Lesser Conspiracies, with everything from HIV/AIDS, airplane chemtrails and health issues all covered in documentaries, many of which run for as long as 4 hours.

After watching many paranoid religious end-times and “mark of the beast” documentaries in the 1990s, I was happy to see someone take a look at those—as well as the aforementioned titles—from an unbiased viewpoint, even when describing some of the colorful characters responsible for creating these films.

Make sure to keep a pen on hand: you’ll be wanting to see some of these films as soon as you finish the book. For a book that’s under 300 pages, it’s safe to say CONSPIRACY CINEMA will be the definitive tome on this bizarre subgenre for a long time to come.  Highly engrossing stuff.

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

(Author’s note: a word of warning:  some of the films covered in this book are blatantly racist)

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Suburban Grindhouse Memories: SUPERSTITION (1985)

Posted in 1980s Horror, 2012, Exorcism Movies, Gore!, Grindhouse, Nick Cato Reviews, Slasher Movies, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Supernatural, Witches with tags , , , , , on May 3, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
Horror Hotel This Isn’t…
By Nick CatoOn a freezing cold Saturday night in January of 1985, I was still reeling from seeing my second Metallica gig at Brooklyn’s famous rock club, L’Amour (at the time no one had a clue they’d eventually become the biggest band in the world) and yet an ad I saw in my local paper a day earlier kept gnawing at my brain.  SUPERSTITION came out with no TV commercials and, as far as I recall, no mentions in any of the horror magazines or fanzines at the time.  And most alluring of all, it was released unrated.  So I attempted to get my hearing back as I entered the (now defunct) Fox Twin Cinema, one of Staten Island’s best venues for exploitation films.

I had to laugh during the opening sequence: a couple of teenagers attempted to pull a prank on a couple who are making out near some abandoned-looking house.  They both get deep sixed by an unseen killer, and I wondered why the film had a supernatural title if this was just another slasher flick.

Well, it isn’t a slasher flick per se. As we soon learn, this abandoned house—that’s actually being remodeled to house a minister and his family—had been cursed three hundred years earlier by a witch who used to live there.  In flashbacks, we learn the local priest discovered this witch was in league with Satan himself (I believe it’s even said she was Satan’s daughter), and, as punishment, drowns her in a pond behind the house.  Now being HORROR HOTEL (1960) is one of my all-time favorite horror films, I was already put-off by SUPERSTITION’s rip-off plot.  But what redeems this Canadian production is its kill scenes: I’m guessing even though the killer here is supernatural, the producers thought it would be smart to cater to the (then) popular slasher crowd and off victims in gory and inventive ways.  I still don’t think this film needed to be unrated, as there were many R-rated films released before this that were much more graphic (1980’s insanely brutal DON’T GO IN THE BASEMENT and MOTHER’S DAY—both released with an R rating—make SUPERSTITION look like a kiddie show).  Go figure.

So, judging by some groans heard around the theater, it was apparent we were aware we weren’t in for a deep story.  There were several things brought up during the film that are never resolved, but when a working circular saw comes unhinged from its base and flies into a young minister’s chest, spinning so fast that it goes through him, as well as the chair he’s pinned to, everyone cheered, realizing we’d at least be in for a fun splatter-fest.

While there’s plenty of violence in SUPERSTITION, much of it takes place off camera and we see the aftermath.  Perhaps this is how the FX crew saved some money?  Either way, many of the kills are still effective, if not disappointing to a mainly teenaged, blood-hungry-crowd.

My favorite scenes are when a cute young girl kept showing up out of nowhere, dressed in a clean white dress, giving some kind of psychobabble warnings about the house to the Reverend.  It’s never explained who this girl is, and between some of the inventive kill scenes not many of us really cared.  Some other fun, splattery goodness includes some poor sap being cut in half by a falling window and a head exploding via microwave (those at the beginning of the film) and another unlucky lady gets a thick spike to the ol’ noggin.  Jason Vorhees himself would’ve been impressed with some of the stuff this old witch comes up with…

In one flashback sequence, there’s an exorcism performed on the witch by the accusing priest that’s quite convincing.  For a change, the witch’s deep-growl possessed voice doesn’t sound too goofy, and for whatever rare reason the scene didn’t remind me of THE EXORCIST (1973), and not just because it takes place three hundred years ago.

SUPERSTITION was a decent time at the movies, if nothing ground-breaking, and all these years later I have yet to revisit it on video.  I’m wondering if it holds up as a fun gore-fest?  Perhaps it’ll show up on cable one of these nights and I’ll see.  And if not, I’m happy enough with my one-time viewing, alongside a bunch of cheering, popcorn-throwing suburban grindhouse fanatics.   For 80s gore-hounds only.  All others, see HORROR HOTEL.

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

NOTHING good ever comes from sticking your head in a microwave…

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Suburban Grindhouse Memories: SWITCHBLADE SISTERS (1975)

Posted in 1970s Movies, 2012, Biker Films, Classic Films, Gangs, Grindhouse Goodies, Nick Cato Reviews, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Tough Girls! with tags , , , , , , on April 19, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES: SWITCHBLADE SISTERS (1975)
THE JEZEBELS: The Coolest Girl Gang on Earth
Review by Nick Cato

This time I’m doing something slightly different. I didn’t see this one in a theater, but it’s a grindhouse gem. I saw it on VHS when it was re-released by Quentin Tarantino’s Rolling Thunder Pictures in August of 1998.

From the jail-breaking dames in 1955’s SWAMP WOMEN to “The Man-Eaters” in H.G. Lewis’s SHE DEVILS ON WHEELS (1968); from the seldom-seen knife-wielding thieves in the 1973 Japanese cult classic, YASAGURE ANEGO DEN: SOKATSU RINCHI to everyone’s favorites, “The Lizzies,” in 1979’s THE WARRIORS, there’s nothing cooler than a group of pissed off, rebellious ladies out on the streets marking their own turf and making their own rules.

But when it comes to nearly non-stop action, campy violence, and man-battering domination, you can’t get much better than the “Dagger Debs,” the all-girl gang from 1975’s SWITCHBLADE SISTERS.  And unlike the previously mentioned films, The Debs are (for the first half of the film) part of a male gang, the “Silver Daggers.”   Sick and tired of being treated like second class (gang) citizens, they create their own clique and before long director Jack Hill —the man who also brought us such classics as SPIDER BABY (1968), THE BIG DOLL HOUSE (1971) and two of Pam Grier’s best films: COFFY (1973) and FOXY BROWN (1974) —treats the viewer to one of the wildest, craziest, coolest gang films ever made.

Let’s get the silliness out of the way:  this is first and foremost and exploitation film, chock full of horrible acting and dialogue.  The director packed it with plenty of self-mocking sequences.  There’s obese lesbian prison wardens and high school gang members that look way older than 18; there’s chicks fighting over the same goofy-looking guy and a massive shoot-out at a roller skating rink (not to mention an all-black female gang who have a custom-built street tank!).  There’s dope-dealing and prostitution in the school bathrooms.  Yet despite all this, SWITCHBLADE SISTERS is a story of female empowerment.  It was released on the tail end of the Vietnam War and shortly after the sexual revolution, yet still portrays the world as anything but friendly to women.  Hence the strength when Lace (played by the cute and oh-so 70s-looking Robbie Lee) decides to break away from the boys and sort-of lead her own clique.  The film makes an even stronger feminist statement when new member Maggie (played by the even cuter and even more oh-so 70s’ looking Joanne Nail) eventually takes over the group (after their men are wiped out during an ambush) and re-names them “The Jezebels,” now fully separating them from their male co-bangers.  It’s not until the last section of the film when The Jezebels join forces with the aforementioned black female gang to take on another rival gang (led by the wonderfully named “Crabs”), that we see total female unity, power, and determination.  There’s bits and pieces of this hinted at beforehand, but in the end (before all hell breaks lose and the Jezebels begin to turn on one another), these ladies are not to be messed with.

Again, SWITCHBLADE SISTERS is a 70s cult film and an exploitation flick if there ever was one.  To some who have seen it, they might be thinking I’m giving the pro-woman message a bit too much credit here.  But when you look at how female gangs have been depicted in the cinema, few have the charisma, the drive, or the purpose as The Jezebels.

Long before "Girls Gone WIld," there were the original wild girls, SWITCHBLADE SISTERS (1975).

Adding to SWITCHBLADE SISTERS’ coolness factor are the fashions.  The girls are (mostly) seen in leather and lace, with studded boots, bell bottoms, and funky hats.  The black gang sport afros that are the epitome of 70s blaxploitation.  There’s something to be said for ladies looking this tight and still being able to flick their blades and have gun duels without ever ruining their threads…

I think its Joanne Nail’s character, Maggie, who makes SWITCHBLADE SISTERS work.  When she joins the Dagger Debs, she’s dressed (almost) like the star of a 70s roller-disco porno flick in her tight T-shirt and short-shorts.  But when she assumes the role of leader, she puts her sarcastic comments behind her and takes things seriously, not afraid to get things done, even if it means taking a life for the cause.  She may not have the toughest-looking face, which only makes her that much deadlier.

If you’re one of the unfortunate souls who didn’t grow up in or around the 70s, and can overlook the cheesiness and bad acting, SWITCHBLADE SISTERS is an amazingly entertaining film that—thanks to Quentin Taratino’s 1998 re-release on VHS and the later DVD—continues to find new fans every year.

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

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Suburban Grindhouse Memories: EVILS OF THE NIGHT (1985)

Posted in "So Bad They're Good" Movies, 1980s Horror, 2012, Aliens, Bad Acting, Campy Movies, Grindhouse Goodies, Hillbillies, Low Budget Movies, Nick Cato Reviews, Sexy Stars, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , on April 5, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
TV Stars vs. Porn Stars vs. Hillbilly Mechanics vs. Aliens!
By Nick Cato

1985 was a great year for horror films.  We fans were treated to theatrical releases of George Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD, Lamberto Bava’s DEMONS, Stuart Gordon’s RE-ANIMATOR, and Dan O’Bannon’s RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD…and those were just the tip of the iceberg.  It seemed every week a winner was coming down the pike—but, of course, I managed to stumble across a real clunker that caused me to doubt my fellow man’s sanity.

While Friday night audiences were wrapped around the block trying to get into sold-out screenings of the second A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET film, my buddies and I decided to wait till Monday and instead hit the (now defunct) Amboy Twin Cinema for EVILS OF THE NIGHT, one in a series of exploitation films that reeled idiots like myself in primarily with its poster art (see above).  With a rip-off of STAR WARS’ Millennium Falcon spaceship, a poor girl with spike-like nipples being drained of blood as skeleton hands grab for her, there was just NO WAY I was going to miss this.  And when I squinted hard enough that I could read some of the stars (who are all hear simply for a paycheck), I was convinced we had another “so-bad-it’s good” epic on our hands.

Well, it truly is a BAD film.  But if you like bottom-of-the-barrel rip-offs, it doesn’t get much more entertaining than this.

Director Mardi Rustam (who had produced several genre titles before this directorial debut) delivers this ode to old-school SciFi films by featuring John Carradine as the main alien who has come to earth seeking teenage flesh and blood for use in some kind of anti-aging youth serum (or something like that…the plot’s all over the place).  His assistants are Julie Newmar of TV’s BATMAN and Tina Louise of GILLIGAN’S ISLAND fame.  Their acting here is as atrocious as the lesser known “teenagers,” several of whom were played by popular (at the time) porno stars, such as Amber Lynn, Jerry Butler, and Crystal Breeze, who gets the WORST ACTING IN THIS FILM award for her facial expressions as she’s strangled by a hillbilly mechanic as her boyfriend takes her from behind.  Don’t ask…

But since you did, the hillbilly mechanics are conned by our alien trio to help them collect fresh corpses.  Neville Brand (who is as uninteresting here as he was in Tobe Hooper’s overrated flop, EATEN ALIVE (1977)) and Aldo Ray (fresh off another celluloid abortion, 1984’s FRANKENSTEIN’S GREAT AUNT TILLIE) play the bumbling overalls-wearing mechanics, who had the crowd shouting insults every time they decided to abduct a teenager by such hi-tech means as frayed rope and pillow cases.  I mean, let’s get serious here for two seconds: IF a trio of aliens forced me to go out and abduct teenagers, and I was slightly overweight and could hardly run, I’d SURELY demand they give me one of their ray guns or space-age stun phasers…but apparently Carradine and Company come from a planet that’s as cheap as their spaceship and the run-down hospital where they’ve chosen to base their intergalactic operation out of.

I never thought I’d say this, but the “blood-draining” techniques used here PALE in comparison to those used in 1972’s notorious INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS…and trust me if you haven’t seen either film, this IS saying something!

But good ‘ol Mardi Rustam (who would mercifully direct only two more films) had an ace up his sleeve: he KNEW the SciFi here was lame.  He KNEW the horror in his stink-fest was non-existent.  So he figured he’d grab some porn stars to do a few nude scenes, and Presto! EVILS OF THE NIGHT became as racy (sex-wise) as PORKY’S (1982) and a host of other teenage sex comedies that flooded the early 80s market.  Word of mouth (at least in my neck of the woods) spoke more of the lesbian beach sequence than it did of aliens draining teenage blood: more people rented this on VHS a few months after its theatrical release due to Crystal Breeze’s aforementioned doggie-style sex scene, and Amber Lynn’s romp in the boat house segment, than they did for any other reason.  Because, there really IS no other reason to see EVILS OF THE NIGHT, unless, of course, you get demented pleasure in seeing former TV and movie stars going down like the Hindenburg in a last ditch effort to save their careers (although John Carradine had already starred in plenty of Z-grade films, so we’ll let him slide).

Ironically (OR, was it planned?), Tobe Hooper’s LIFEFORCE, a very GOOD film about space vampires, was released a few months before this putrid platter of pus.  Perhaps give that one a shot if you haven’t.

Unless you’re a true masochist for horrendous Sci-Fi/horror/soft porn films, definitely PASS on this one, should you encounter a DVD or late night cable screening.

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

Julie Newmar, John Carradine (in funky space suit) and Tina Louise discuss what to do with a teenage corpse in EVILS OF THE NIGHT.

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444: LAST DAY ON EARTH!

Posted in 2012, Apocalypse Films, Art Movies, Nick Cato Reviews with tags , , , , , , on March 27, 2012 by knifefighter

444: LAST DAYS ON EARTH (2011)
The End comes Quietly in Abel Ferrara’s Latest
Movie Review by Nick Cato

From 1979′s notorious DRILLER KILLER to 1990s KING OF NEW YORK, right up to 2007′s GO GO TALES, director Abel Ferrara has never been afraid to give his own spin on things.  That fine tradition continues in 4:44: LAST DAY ON EARTH (2011), a laid-back yet deep look at the apocalypse through the eyes of a Manhattan couple.

Skye (played by Ferrara’s real life girlfriend, Shanyn Leigh) is a young artist who shares her lower east side loft with boyfriend Cisco (Willem DaFoe).  Their loft features laptop computers and a flat screen TV broadcasting news reports and religious programs regarding earth’s fate: according to a local news station, the ozone layer has been damaged far worse than anyone had thought, and at precisely 4:44 a.m. the next morning, the entire world will end.

Skye deals with the news through her latest painting, which at first seems like a Jackson Pollock-inspired piece, but eventually turns into her own view of the circle-of-life.  Cisco manages to contact his teenage daughter via Skype, only to have a final argument with his ex-wife which leads to a fight with Skye.  A former junkie, Cisco then risks his two years of sobriety by visiting his former dealer and an old drug buddy (Paul Hipp).  It’s a heart-felt moment and features a cameo by Natasha Leonne.

Cisco and Skye are Buddhists, and we see clips of the Dali Lama and other Buddhist teachers on their TV, providing comfort in the face of death.  Ferrara’s use of TV clips (especially a Charlie Rose interview with Al Gore) have the feel of propaganda, but they eventually work fine in telling us what’s going on.

The film’s best sequence comes when Cicso and Skye have Chinese food delivered.  The young Chinese delivery boy is apparently scared and depressed, and when asked if he needs anything, he asks for Skype.  Cisco lends him his laptop, and the delivery boy contacts his mother and family for the last time, and although they speak in Chinese, it’s easy to figure out their feelings. As he leaves the loft, Skye—herself without family in New York—hugs him and thanks him for being part of her life.  It’s a desperate, touching, and quirky moment that’s rarely seen in modern cinema.

4:44: LAST DAY ON EARTH, like Lars Von Trier’s MELONCHOLIA (2011), is another offering in a recent trend of independent, quiet-minded end-of-the-world films.  In place of big budget special effects and noisy explosions, Ferrara slowly exposes his character’s lives, letting the audience experience what they do in subtle layers.  The most disturbing thing in Ferrara’s apocalypse is the seemingly routine way most people take things: cabs still run, street people go about their old ways, and it seems as if only a handful of New Yorkers are aware of just how close to the end they are.

With it’s positive messages of acceptance and forgiveness, 4:44 is a colorful take on the end times, featuring fine performances and much food for thought.

3 out of 4 knives.

(Currently in limited theatrical release and available on select Pay Per View channels)

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

Cisco (Willem DaFoe) is comforted by the Dali Lama via TV just hours before the world ends in 4:44: LAST DAY ON EARTH


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Suburban Grindhouse Memories: DRIVE-IN MASSACRE (1976)

Posted in 70s Horror, Drive-in Movies, Killers, Nick Cato Reviews, Psychos, Slasher Movies with tags , , , , on March 22, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
Great Title—But That’s About It!
By Nick Cato

Just before the home video boom of the early 80s, there was a minor outbreak of 70s horror films being re-released theatrically, usually on double bills with a new feature.  Before most of us had VCRs, I was lucky enough to see the original TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974) and a host of others on the big screen in glorious re-releases, and I still wonder if this wasn’t some kind of testing stage for upcoming home video companies to see what forgotten trash they could repackage for VHS.  Or something.

I can’t recall what new slasher epic was the main feature (I’m thinking it was HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW (1983)?), because my excitement was for the opening film, DRIVE-IN MASSACRE, a 1976 or 1977 (depending on who you believe) oddity that was promised to be released soon on VHS within the pages of FANGORIA magazine.  Having no idea what to expect, the title alone got my juices flowing, as did the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE-type opening sequence.  But it wasn’t long before the suburban audience in attendance at the (now defunct) Amboy Twin Cinema were openly insulting the talentless cast of this nearly gore-less slasher flick (but now that I think about it, considering this was originally released in 1976/7, just before the outbreak of “slasher” films, perhaps the producers of this dreck were looking at it as a murder mystery?  Who knows?)

For some reason that’s never explained, a psycho is stalking people at a California drive-in theater.  For another unknown reason, the killer’s weapon of choice is a long sword, which he uses to decapitate his (or her, we’re never told) first victims, one as he leans out of his car to adjust the volume box (NOTE TO KIDDIES WHO NEVER WENT TO A DRIVE IN: volume boxes were located outside your car’s window, although they usually attached right to the window itself.  Perhaps not in California?).  I’m thinking the killer could’ve been an escaped schizophrenic ninja?  Nah…whoever “wrote” this screenplay didn’t bother with a standard plot, let alone something as cool as a schizophrenic ninja.  For gorehounds, this is the only kill in the film that even shows a bit of sauce; otherwise, DRIVE-IN MASSACRE has about as much on-screen violence as CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG (1968).

Thank goodness for the two hefty cops who are on the case.  The comic relief they provide is the sole reason any exploitation completest might even bother to seek this out (unless you get off on the sight of an ugly janitor with big, fake jewelry and a sports coat that’d make Bozo the Clown commit suicide).  The detectives get nowhere after questioning the theater’s owner in what has to be one of the worst dialogue exchanges ever captured on film.  The theater owner also offers a few laughs, as he HATES everyone he’s asked about: I’m assuming the Klan themselves would deem him too hateful to join their organization.  In-between a couple of lame kill scenes, our pudgy officers decide to dress in drag in an attempt to find the killer: just WHY they decide to do this is anyone’s guess, but it leads to a couple of giggles and filler chase scenes.  WHY do all these low budget films pad themselves with chase scenes?  And WHY are they never exciting (one chase takes place inside of a dimly lit warehouse and is shot so slowly several audience members took the opportunity to refill their sodas or visit the restrooms.  I’m thinking a few just gave up and left).

Along with a horrendous soundtrack (including an opening soft-rock song that was too lame to be included on any old K-TEL compilation album), DRIVE-IN MASSACRE ends with an attempt to scare us by claiming the killer has never been caught…and that he might be in the theater you’re currently in…sitting right next to YOU!

Good grief…why do I continue to be fascinated with this junk?

(WARNING: Horror of horrors!  DRIVE-IN MASSACRE is slated for a remake with filming to commence in the fall of 2012.  Ut oh…)

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

Robert E. Pearson stars as Austin, the funkiest janitor in horror film history. Robert went to that Drive-In in the sky in 2009.

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A “Suburban Grindhouse Memories” Classic: GANJA AND HESS (1973)

Posted in 1970s Movies, 2012, 70s Horror, Art Movies, Blaxploitation, Classic Columns, Cult Movies, DVD Review, Experimental Films, Indie Horror, Nick Cato Reviews, Suburban Grindhouse Memories with tags , , , , , , on February 23, 2012 by knifefighter

(Editor’s Note: Because of circumstances beyond his control, Nick Cato wasn’t able to get me his latest SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES column this week. So I figured, instead of having a hole in our calendar, I’d just reprint one of his best old columns from 2010. Keep in mind, with the next installment, Nick will have written 47 columns of SGM for us here at Cinemaknifefight.com. This one was Number 4. A true classic that deserves a bigger audience. Mr. Cato will be back with a brand new column next time.)

******

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES No. 4:  Bill Gunn: a True Filmmaking Genius.
By Nick Cato

In the early 1970s, “blaxploitation” cinema was all the rage on the grindhouse circuit (be it urban OR suburban).  When director Bill Gunn was approached to make a film in the vein of BLACULA, he took the money and did something far more serious.  Instead of trying to make an exploitative quickie, Gunn went for the gusto and delivered an artistic deep-thinker that (to this day) has many who see it believing it’s a vampire film.  It isn’t.  In fact, Gunn went all-out as he wrote, directed, and stars in this surreal, nightmare of a film that requires at least three to four viewings before even half of what it has to say will hit you.

Since I was only five years old when GANJA & HESS was originally released, it was a treat to (finally) see this for the first time at a revival theater last month (April, 2010).  This was the first time that I knew–halfway through a screening–that I’d have to see what I was watching again (and as soon as possible) just to keep my train of thought (this turned out to be one of the most challenging films I’ve reviewed yet).  So I purchased a DVD the next day and watched it three more times.

The film follows Dr. Hess Green (played by legendary NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD star, Duane Jones), his new assistant George (Bill Gunn), and his assistant’s wife, Ganja (the lovely Marlene Clark).  Despite what some reviewers have said (I’m assuming they saw one of the several, heavily-edited/re-titled versions), Hess DOES NOT become addicted to blood AFTER being stabbed by his assistant; the very beginning of the film scrolls these titles (over some magnificently eerie music): “Doctor Hess Green … Doctor of Anthropology, Doctor of Geology … While studying the ancient Black civilization of Myrthia … was stabbed by a stranger three times … one for God the Father, one for the Son … and one for the Holy Ghost … stabbed with a dagger, diseased from that ancient culture whereupon he became addicted and could not die … nor could he be killed.”  So, for the record, Hess is already addicted to blood when his suicidal assistant George moves in; Hess is a wealthy anthropologist living in a tremendous mansion (African American stereotypes don’t exist in this film, instantly banishing a “blaxploitation’ label from it).  He even manages to stop George’s first attempt at suicide; George (apparently aggravated at this) eventually attacks Hess with the ceremonial dagger Hess had brought back from Africa.  Hess survives, but George ends up shooting himself in Hess’ bathroom.  When Hess discovers George’s body, we see him fall to his knees and lap his blood (the main scene I’m assuming has caused many to label this a vampire film).

George’s wife Ganja shows up at the Hess mansion to wait for her husband (Hess has him stored in a freezer in the basement).  And this is where GANJA & HESS truly becomes strange.  After discovering her husband in the freezer and assuming Hess killed him, she ends up believing Hess’ testimony of George’s suicide and she helps Hess to bury him.

Ganja & Hess fall in love, get married, and Hess eventually makes her a part of the “Myrthia” tribe, bringing its ‘blood curse’ upon her (one edited version, released in the 80s on VHS as BLOOD COUPLE, gave the film a standard (and false) vampire-film packaging).  Things get even stranger when Hess brings a man home for Ganja to feed on (she ends up having an affair with him first) and Hess begins to doubt his Christian roots when he finally begins to feel guilt after feeding from a young mother–guilt that nearly leads him to a nervous breakdown.

One of several misleading re-titles for Ganja & Hess: BLOOD COUPLE

It should be pointed out here that while everything I’ve just described is happening, the incredibly spooky score by Sam Waymon, along with some dazzling cinematography (I swear Dario Argento was inspired by much of this) helps to give GANJA & HESS a constant aura of surreal darkness that won’t leave your mind anytime soon.  One commentary track I listened to on the “GANJA & HESS: THE COMPLETE EDITION” DVD (Image Entertainment) mentioned that the opening sequence is told from 12 points of view (after re-watching it, I’m betting this is why so many are turned off to the film early on—it’s truly unlike anything you’ve seen before).  And this is just one thing that makes GANJA & HESS such a unique–and challenging–film.

GANJA & HESS is a film about religious identification and one man’s realization that he has strayed from the faith of his upbringing.  After making peace with God at a church service, he attempts to bring Ganja with him.  The film’s final moments feature Hess’ death and Ganja contemplating her own life: to me it’s apparent she likes what Hess has turned her into by smiling when she visualizes the dead man Hess had brought home for her running naked out of their pool.  And being a sequel-less film, we’re left to consider and debate if this is so.

Again, this is NOT a vampire film.  It’s an intense, unusual study of a millionaire who, despite having all there is to have in this world, is haunted by what lies beyond this life.  And yet despite this underlying theme (as well as a church service scene that goes on for WAY too long), I don’t think it was Gunn’s intention to make an evangelical film (and if it was, I’d like to know what church–in 1973– approved of extended shots of full-frontal male and female nudity, pagan blood drinking, and an artistic-look at suicide).

Watch GANJA & HESS.  Then watch it again, even if you don’t like it the first time.  Despite a few slow stretches, the film has plenty to offer to those who take the time to contemplate and dig out its treasures.

I can’t remember the last time a film has caused so much conversation between my friends and me.  GANJA & HESS, despite its all-black cast, is NOT a blaxploitation film.  It is a genuine hybrid of horror and art house filmmaking that stands alone.  It can not (and will not) ever be duplicated.

This is a true gem from Bill Gunn, and a gem I’ll surely be revisiting again and again.

© Copyright 2010 by Nick Cato

(Editor’s Note # 2 – This movie had a LOT of alternate titles during its (several) runs on the grindhouse circuit. They include: BLACK EVIL, BLACK VAMPIRE, BLOOD COUPLE, DOUBLE POSSESSION, VAMPIRES OF HARLEM and BLACKOUT: THE MOMENT OF TERROR. Confusing enough for you?)

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Suburban Grindhouse Memories: THE CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH (1986)

Posted in "So Bad They're Good" Movies, 2012, Campy Movies, Monsters, Mutants!, Nick Cato Reviews, Suburban Grindhouse Memories, Troma! with tags , , , , , , on February 9, 2012 by knifefighter

SUBURBAN GRINDHOUSE MEMORIES
Dawn of the Nuclear Slime…
By Nick CatoReleased about six months after the unlikely success of THE TOXIC AVENGER, Troma Films’ second take on radioactive raunchiness, CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH (1986), is another New York/New Jersey-lensed exploitation epic that Lloyd Kaufman’s crackpot film company managed to sort-of get right…at least if B-movies are your thing.

While I wanted to see this in Times Square (being it wasn’t in wide-release), a small theater in New Jersey actually featured it for one week only. I conned a couple of my buddies to join me on my quest for Tromaville,  and we headed to the Garden State hoping this would at least be half as good as the first TOXIC AVENGER.

Warren and his cute girlfriend, Chrissy, are among the few clean cut students at Tromaville High, which happens to be located right behind a nuclear power plant. The punk students (who look like rejects from a really bad ROAD WARRIOR rip-off) grow marijuana right outside the plant, and begin selling radiation-laced pot around the school. One early sequence of government officials checking the power plant for toxic leaks had the audience in stitches; some men fell to the ground stone-cold dead as others kept about their jobs, unaware of what was happening to their colleagues. It’s a nice bit of old-fashioned slapstick that worked among the coming gore, slime, and radioactive boobies.

Despite their nerdiness, Warren and Chrissy decide to partake of the toxic weed. As a result, Warren gains incredible strength, and Chrissy becomes incredibly horny…which leads to a wicked spin in the sack with her boyfriend…which leads to a pregnancy. Before long the entire school is having strange side effects, the best being Chrissy’s baby who turns out to be a ten-foot tall radioactive monster who eventually helps to wipe out the toxic punk drug dealers.

If you’ve never seen a Troma film before, CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH is a prime example of the style that gave them notoriety during the splatter-film craze of the 1980s. One sequence, where an enraged Warren goes after a punk who has messed with him one time too many, features a silly (yet effective) special effect where he rams his fist down the guy’s throat. The New Joisey crowd ate this scene up, cheers growing louder as Warren’s arm eventually goes down further than his elbow with puke-inducing sound effects.

You don’t go to see something called CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH for artistic value.

While THE TOXIC AVENGER had a better crafted (if familiar) story, CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH is basically pure chaos: the simple premise is set in motion when a nerdy student freaks out during the opening scene, oozes green slime from his ears, then jumps out the second-floor window. The atomic marijuana is then introduced, along with an endless array of whacky characters. The two directors (Lloyd Kaufman and Richard W. Haines)—for some reason it took two directors to create this!—then let everything go ballistic in a brain-dead, toxic high school gore/sci-fi romp that (at the time) was a pure blast for its intended teenage audience. I’ve seen the film a few times over the years on VHS and DVD, and while there are still some laughs to be had, much of it gets tedious and it doesn’t hold up half as well as THE TOXIC AVENGER or Troma’s other fluke of a hit, TROMA’S WAR (1988). But I’m betting younger exploitation fans will still get a real charge out of this high-octane trip to Tromaville.

NUKE ‘EM HIGH’s horrible soundtrack, trademark Troma bad acting, and high school students who look way too old to be high school students has a certain charm that many modern-day made-for-cable/DVD exploitation films just don’t have. So throw your biohazard suit on and check this out for a near-lethal dose of old school Troma-rificness. And remember the tagline: READIN’ WRITIN’ AND RADIATION!

You’ve been warned.

(This film also spawned two sequels: CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH PART 2: SUBHUMANOID MELTDOWN (1991) and CLASS OF NUKE ‘EM HIGH 3: THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE SUBHUMANOID (1994). While part 2 had its moments (especially a gigantic rodent named Tromie the Nuclear Squirrel), you’re not missing anything. Part 3 was one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. You’ve been warned again!).

© Copyright 2012 by  Nick Cato

The lovely Chrissy (Janelle Brady) realizes something is DEFINITELY wrong with her rapidly-growing radioactive baby…in THE CLASS OF NUKE 'EM HIGH!

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THE THEATRE BIZARRE (2011)

Posted in 2012, Anthology Films, Midnight Movies, Nick Cato Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2012 by knifefighter

THE THEATRE BIZARRE (2011)
Midnight Movie Review by Nick Cato

Horror anthology films are usually hit or miss, from the Karloff/Bava classic BLACK SABBATH (1963) to TALES FROM THE CRYPT (1972) and THE VAULT OF HORROR (1973), right up to recent titles such as TRICK OR TREAT (2007).  The one that worked on every level and kept tightly to its theme was George A. Romero’s CREEPSHOW (1982), a fan favorite that has stood the test of time.  In this A.D.D. generation, I’m surprised there aren’t a lot more films comprised of several shorts, but regardless of their scarcity, I’m always excited whenever a new one is released.

I attended the latest anthology offering, THE THEATRE BIZARRE (2011), at NYC’s Landmark Sunshine, as it opened to midnight audiences in several cities on January 27th.  With a theatre full of hardcore horror fans (not to mention one of the stars, producers, and directors in attendance), I couldn’t ask for a better way to screen this much-hyped film that spent 2011 touring the film festival circuit.

THE THEATRE BIZARRE begins when a young woman can’t stop staring at an abandoned-looking theatre across the street from her apartment.  She is drawn to it, finds the front door unlocked, and takes a seat among other scattered patrons.  A humanoid automaton (played by cult film legend, Udo Kier) pops out of a box and begins to address the silent crowd, introducing the first (and five following) stories.

A couple vacationing in the French countryside wander into an occult shop in THE MOTHER OF TOADS (directed by Richard Stanley of HARDWARE (1990) fame).  This one has the best atmosphere of the lot, is genuinely creepy, and manages to tell a monster tale in a non-campy manner.  Catriona (THE BEYOND, 1981) MacColl is perfect as a witch who allows our American antagonist to take a peak at a genuine copy of the Necronomicon.  It’s a nice blend of Lovecraftian terror and Argento-like cinematography, and a great opening piece.

Next up is I LOVE YOU, directed by Buddy Giovinazzo, the man responsible for the grim Vietnam veteran classic COMBAT SHOCK (1986).  A paranoid husband discovers that his paranoia was warranted; his wife has become unhappy over the years and has been sleeping with every man she could.  Told in sharp time-shifting edits, the ending can only be described as beautifully disgusting.

WET DREAMS (directed by and featuring Tom Savini as a psychiatrist) tells the tale of an abusive husband who’s erotic and violent dreams cause him to visit a shrink.  He’s taught how to talk himself out of bad dreams, but finds out he’s no match for his battered wife who has had enough (the wife is played by Debbie Rochon, here in one of her finer roles).  I usually don’t go for “dream” type horror stories, but this one’s done in a fresh way and the ending will make you cringe.

Just when I thought every story would be dealing with couples, along comes director Douglas Buck’s THE ACCIDENT, a heady piece about a young girl asking her mother why people have to die while traveling in their minivan.  An older biker passes them, then a younger one.  A few miles up the road, they discover the younger biker has crashed by hitting an elk and died as the older biker looks on from the side of the road.  Seen through the eyes of the young daughter (played by impressive Canadian newcomer Melodie Simard), THE ACCIDENT is a haunting and artistically shot piece that I actually found out of place in this anthology; it’s a bit more serious than the other films and—sandwiched in-between two of the more extreme stories—sort-of slows things down.  It’s one of the better offerings, but I felt it didn’t belong here.

Karim Hussain’s VISION STAINS turned out to be my favorite of the lot.  Kaniehito Horn plays a writer who lives among homeless junkies.  She has discovered a way to obtain these people’s memories, and logs them to preserve their history.  At the moment of death, the nameless writer injects a syringe into the victim’s eyeball, and then injects the vitreous fluid into her own eye, allowing her to see the person’s entire life, which she then frantically writes down.  Her room is loaded with volume upon volume.  Things take a dark turn when she decides to take the fluid from the unborn baby of a crack addict.  What happens changes her life and brings an unusual closure.  The special effects are difficult to watch if this isn’t your thing, but with a story this good it’s hard not to look away.

Closing things out is the strangest of the bunch.  SWEETS (directed by David Gregory), features a couple who share a massive addiction to cake and candy.  Estelle (played with over-the-top glee by Lindsay Goranson) breaks off her fling with Greg (the hysterical Guilford Adams—you’ve seen him on TV).  In a twist on the Hansel and Gretyl theme, the conclusion finds Estelle at a party with like-minded sweets addicts (headed by scream queen legend, Lynn Lowry) who turn out to have a taste for more than candy.  This is a darkly comic horror romp that ends things on a gruesome—but comical—note.

The woman who has viewed all these shorts now falls under the spell of Udo Kier’s transforming host, ending THE THEATRE BIZARRE with a hint of more to come.

While I didn’t find things as graphic as I had heard, the film does feature some disturbing moments, but not many scares.  SWEETS was the only short I’d consider bizarre, and as mentioned, THE ACCIDENT was too much of an art film to be considered horror and was simply out of place here.  The four other tales are solid slices of genre filmmaking, with new and classic actors popping up in the mix.

THE THEATRE BIZARRE is no masterpiece, but a good, well-made collaborative film worth seeing, as it offers something for most horror fans.

© Copyright 2012 by Nick Cato

Nick Cato gives THE THEATRE BIZARRE ~ THREE knives!

Kaniehito Horn plays a writer on a mission in "Vision Stains," one of the finer segments in THE THEATRE BIZARRE

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