Quick Cuts Presents: “I’M BATMAN!”
QUICK CUTS: “I’m BATMAN!”
With Michael Arruda, L.L. Soares, Garrett Cook, and Dan Keohane
MICHAEL ARRUDA: Okay, everybody, it’s time for QUICK CUTS.
THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012) opens on July 20, which means once again Batman will be lighting up the big screen.
Now, some people contend that anyone can play Batman, that it’s all in the mask. All you have to do is put the mask on, and you’re good to go. I’d say there’s some truth to this, if you look at some of the actors who’ve played Batman in recent years, Christian Bale, George Clooney, and Val Kilmer, for example.
L.L. SOARES: It is all in the mask. Just about anyone can play Batman, including me. (Puts on Batman mask. and grabs MA by the shoulders.) I’m friggin Batman! Now get the hell out of Gotham before I kick your ass! (takes off mask). See?
MA: I see that with or without the mask, you’re still a maniac. It makes no difference what you wear on your head.
Anyway, let’s have some fun.
The question for today’s panel is, who would you NOT want to see play Batman? Who’s the guy you absolutely would not want to see wear that Batman mask—EVER!
Garrett, who’s that guy for you?
GARRETT COOK: I, for one, while I am of the unpopular minority that thinks SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD (2010) was a lot of fun and strangely heartfelt—.
LS: Good movie!
MA: I liked it, too!
GC: Anyway, with that being said, I would not want to see Michael Cera as the Dark Knight. While Will Arnett’ s Alfred would be an interesting mentor in life, I think the casting would be in the words of Gob Bluth “a big mistake.”
LS: I guess that cancels out Jesse Eisenberg, too, since he’s kind of a Michael Cera look-alike.
MA: My turn.
I’m going to go with Taylor Lautner. I don’t want to see Batman take his shirt off. If Lautner were to play Batman, it’d just about make me sick.
I also wouldn’t want to see Steve Carrell play Batman. I can see some director thinking that Michael Keaton did it, so why not tap another comedian? While I think Steve Carrell is great, I wouldn’t want to see him as Batman. He’d be the first millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne who couldn’t score with the women.
Lastly, I wouldn’t want to see John Cusack in the role. He’d be too intense, and as a result I think he’d be pretty unlikeable.
MA: Okay, Dan, who’s your pick?
DAN KEOHANE: OK, easy one right off the bat, and I’m surprised that none of you mentioned him yet: Johnny Depp.
MA: Good choice!
DK: I truly enjoy the actor in so many things, but I was a bit troubled by his Barnabas Collins role, both for the cartoonish freak he made him into, and for the disturbing fact that I actually found his performance quite creepy—no, liar!… no really—I hated the film, but liked him..
ANYWAY, please NO Johnny Depp for Batman, no, no, no!
My other contender for NEVER playing Batman would be Owen Wilson. Mostly because I think Batman might not be taken seriously if the nose on his cowl is bent all the time.
MA (to LS): Is there anyone you wouldn’t want to see in the role?
LS: Sure. There’s one guy I hope never gets the role, and that’s Corey Feldman! He’s so awful, he could ruin any role.
MA: Okay, folks, there you have it, our picks for the guys we least want to see put on that Batman cowl!
Until next time, thanks for tuning in!